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Mixed feelings about turning 40

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Old 11-04-2012, 11:54 AM   #1
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Default Mixed feelings about turning 40

I'm 2 years away, I see the aging process starting about a year or two ago. Although minimal it's starting. I have dreaded this my entire life. When I was in my 20's I turned heads everywhere I went, now...not so much.

I was was fine with 30, what is it about 40? It's like that's when you get your official "old" stamp by society. For us women it's even worse, men get away with being older and sometimes even look better with age. No fair.

I guess I have to come to terms with this right? I admit I am vain.
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Old 11-04-2012, 12:18 PM   #2
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novangel - welcome! I agree with what you say about getting the "old" stamp earlier than men. However, to be honest, I felt branded with the old stamp once I got into my mid-thirties. I liken a woman's time of youth to the lifespan of a butterfly - blink and it's over. Looking back over my younger life, I actually got the most attention/cat calls from random men when I was 15! It's pretty sick, when you think about it.

I think the best part about turning 40, is that you start valuing quality over quantity. It's true, you might not turn as many random heads in your 40s as you did in your teens and 20s, but you learn to value good men who are attracted to the internal essence of who you are and not what you look like on the outside. In my thirties, I was fairly obsessed with losing my youth and my looks. Depressed actually. Now, at 42, I have come to terms with the fact that I am no longer young and beautiful by society's standards, and I am ok with that. I am still young and mobile enough to enjoy a good life, good health, and be able to make positive changes to my weight/body that can stay with me for life. I no longer care if men think I am beautiful (I am fortunate to have a loving husband who does). I no longer feel the need to compete with younger women. I also have the 20/20 hindsight vision as an older woman that even the young, pretty, skinnies of today can be the old, haggard, fatties of tomorrow. If you don't eat right, exercise, and have the self-esteem/self-awareness to keep on top of your health, it can be gone before you realize it. In my 40s, I realize it! I am doing something about it. So are you - aren't you glad you have the wisdom of your years and don't have to redo all of the mistakes or missed opportunities of the past?

40 isn't a magic milestone. Any issues you are afraid will suddenly pop up at 40 have probably already begun to pop up now - don't worry over it, just accept what you can't change and take charge of what you can change.
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Old 11-04-2012, 10:31 PM   #3
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Technically, I should be moving out of this group as I just turned 50 yesterday, but I really like this group.

Honestly I feel better about myself at this age, I am a late bloomer, I'll admit, but getting healthier and finding I'm able to do so much at this age that i couldn't do even a year or two ago has been motivating.

Remember age is a state of mind, if you don't mind it doesn't matter. cliche i know, but there is certainly a lot of life left to live from 40 on, don't let society dictate how much you'll enjoy living that life!

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Old 11-06-2012, 05:15 AM   #4
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I'm 2 years & 2 days from being 50!!!!

I'll be honest with you all, I DO NOT FEEL LIKE I'm that old. I almost have to keep reminding myself. My body for the most part knows I'm getting up there in years, but my mind & spirit? NOPE!

I don't know if it's because H & I didn't have children. Or if it's because I work with mostly all young people, I'm 10-25 yrs older than most all my co-workers. Or if it's genetic. My grandma played softball into her late 60s & would have continued if she wouldn't have been disabled after a drunk driver hit her one Christmas eve. Evenso everyone in my family seems to have a young spirit, in spite of what their bodies may say & I think that helps.

I do not dread getting old. It's going to happen no matter what. It's going to happen to all of us. I figure I'll do the very best with what I have & enjoy the ride! I don't want to look back when I'm in my twilight years regretting I didn't live life...bumps, bruises, scars & all.

When I turned 40...8 yrs ago this Nov. 8th, I partied for FOUR DAYS...one for each decade. First night was a couple of drinks with a friend (very quiet), second day was pizza & movie with a few other friends, third night was a hard rock concert , & fourth night was a "bar crawl" with some 20-somethings! I LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT!!! Not a regret in the world.

When I turn 50 in a couple of years...who knows what I'll do. It'll have be something AWESOME!! I've got 732 days to figure it out!
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Old 11-06-2012, 02:53 PM   #5
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I think that I will second "MrsTryingAgain" theory that not having kids helps you feel young.

I am also childless by choice and have NO regrets regarding that. My friends that had kids in their 20's are now looking face-to-face with their "children" now going off to college and, in some cases, starting families of thier own. This is a reminder to my 40+ year old friends that they too are getting old.

I have no such reminder.

I also have grandparents that have lived into thier 80's and 90's and one that lived to be 102. So 44 doesn't seem that bad.

But age is soooo much a mindset. Keep this in mind when you compare your inner feelings to someone elses outward apperance.

My 2 cents!
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Old 11-07-2012, 10:36 AM   #6
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I have to say my 40's have thus far been better than my 20's and 30's because I finally have time for ME. My children are getting older (21 and 16) and they do not need me as much.
I was one of those moms who did not go out, who did not drink, I had my DD young so I never got to experience the bar scene and while I do NOT regret all I gave up for my children and my family, it is so nice to have time for me!!!!
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Old 11-12-2012, 02:58 AM   #7
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i agree with a poster above who said she was feeling old in her mid-30s....in many ways i feel very very old...it doesnt help that i have past life memories of living in centuries past...so part of me feels extremely old....like i've watched all the time on earth pass me by and that, after this life is over, i'll be back to watch more of the time on earth pass by

however i come from a family of young spirits...my dad is in his mid-70s and acts just like he did when i was little...tough Alaskans, living their lives on a remote homestead...

it doesn't seem that long ago that i was in high school, not too long ago that my son was born...now he's 15 and i SWEAR i'm not much older than 20 myself....it seems like just the other day i was married, and then single for a few days, and then with my now-DH for just a little while...when really i've been with DH for 10 years now

i'll be around in this life until i'm 83...ive known that since i was very little...unless some Higher Power changes the plan i agreed to, i'll be kicking around here until then enjoying every minute of it
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