I'm starting anew. Not a new diet or a new workout system, but a new way of thinking. I've never been open with people about my struggles with fatness. It is clearly not a secret that I'm over weight, but I've never let anyone know how much I hurt every time I see my reflection. I was always the butt of every joke in my family when I was a child, very cruel treatment from my mother. I've seen people making fun of me when they don't think I'm looking, and it is extremely hurtful. I've experienced men completely ignoring me in favor of a 'beautiful' woman to hold the door for her while completely ignoring me, or to serve her first in a store. I'm invisible. It really hurts. It has cost me so many opportunities in life, because I assume that people will judge me so I hadn't tried new things. Didn't want to bring attention to myself, because I should sit back and let my prettier, smarter sisters and friends have the fun instead. I've always been the good friend, the good listener, always reliable, because I've never had anything going on myself. Well, nuts to that. I'm taking my life back. I've cheated myself out of too much. It is way out of my comfort zone, but I'm going to do my best, and actually do stuff for myself.
Thank you, everyone. I am hanging in there. It's like a light finally went off in my head and I can see the truth about life and people in general.
You have to remember that you are not the problem. There are a lot of hurtful mean people in this world that are self-centered and don't think about anyone else's feelings. One can only hope there is a karma bus and it's headed for them.
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