Elliemar, instead of feeling like a horrible person, you need to feel like the superior person. It's hard to resist temptation especially when your friends are the ones tempting you. Shame on them, what kind of friends are they anyway for doing that? Some of them probably secretly want you to fall off the wagon. It happens, people are jealous when they see someone improving their looks and health. When you go out with them the next time don't worry about what they think or say, worry about how you are going to feel about yourself. You have done a wonderful job, 70 lbs is FANTASTIC. You should feel like you are on top of the world.
I love reading everyone's confessions. I can relate to many, which is comforting.
I have another new confession. I fear that I will never be able to lose weight without a gimmick. For that reason, I'm afraid that I won't be able to maintain my weight by eating normally.
I confess that I'm still sizing up other women in a room and comparing myself to them. I fear I will always feel like the fat, frumpy, ugly one in a room.
I confess I feel jealous when I see beautiful women with nice figures, wondering how on earth they manage to have that body. Do they go to boot camp? Do they work out? Or are they just lucky?
I confess that I look at other overweight people and wonder if I am as large as they are and if people are looking at me and thinking I am way too large for the clothes I wear. It has cause me to get larger clothes and now that I lost 30 lbs and can wear 16 I still only want to wear size 20.
I confess that I fear that my very petite DD will have a compulsion to watch her weight because I am so large and she doesn't want to look like me. While I know where she is coming from if she feels that way(I thinks she does based on things she has said). I thought the same way about my mom and now I look almost exactly like she does shape wise. I don't want it to cause other problems like trying to be super thin. She was almost considered underweight when she would make comments about not wanting to eat too much. I try to reassure her that she is perfectly healthy the way she is.
I confess it annoys me greatly when my sister who has always been lean tells me I don't need to lose any more weight because I'll look sick when at the time I was 200 lbs and she was 140. Every time she says anything like that I think - she really doesn't want me to be her size or smaller - how shallow of her
I confess that I am always trying to "fill the hole" so to speak. I feel like I am constantly reaching for something to make me feel satisfied, to soothe my anxiety or to just make me feel "straight." I had to quit smoking, compulsive shopping, and now eating? what else can I do? nothing that makes me feel better is good for me. I confess that that makes me feel very angry sometimes.
I am afraid that I am destined to be either fat or crazy. I had struggled with bulimia years ago in college. I stopped when I had children and slowly gained weight for the next 15 years. 3 years ago when I started my weight loss journey I did really well losing the first 60 pounds but then the old bulimic habits were triggered. I took 2 years off and maintained pretty well and got some help from a therapist. And now I want to lose that last bit to get into a healthy BMI range. I'm afraid as I lose again I will get carried away again. And I'm afraid if I tell my therapist she will not want me to try to lose the weight.
Location: Boulder, CO- but moving back to NJ in less than one week!
Posts: 90
S/C/G: 252/185/135
Height: 5'4"
- I worry that once I reach my goal weight and transition off MediFast, all the weight I've lost is just going to pile right back on.
-I look at skinny/slender girls and women and think "I'll never be that thin!"
-I'm terrified of what I'll look like naked once I lose all the weight. It's already scary. My boobs used to be the one part of my body I liked, but they've gone and run off on me. This fear goes hand in hand with my worst, most scary fear of all: I'm finally out of a horrible relationship and hope to start dating again soon. I'm *terrified* that how I look with loose skin and deflated boobs is going to send any guy running screaming away into the hills once he sees me with my clothes off.
I admit that when I go out with my hubby (he is very good looking) I still wonder if he is better looking than me and how much weight I have to lose before I look equal to or better than him. :-)
I admit that I became really angry when me and my husband went to a museum and a beautiful blond who was younger than me and skinner was obviously interested in him. It made me feel terribly insecure and I wanted to lose 20 more pounds even though I was happy with myself before this.
I admit that if the scale goes up a couple pounds it makes me completely irritable for days and then I feel horrible for being obsessed.
I admit that I still hate my body after losing 55 lbs. I think the reason I allowed myself to become so overweight, is because I am so uncomfortable in my own skin. I look better in clothes, but definitely still feel gross naked.
I admit that I am afraid of failing again.
I admit that now that I have lost weight, I am still not all that happy. Losing weight, does not fix everything.
I admit that I am afraid of becoming fat again....every single day, yet some days I still want to eat food more than I am afraid.
I admit that I am angry with my friends who don't seem to be as available to me to hang out anymore since I have lost weight
I admit that I am also angry that several family members and friends have now gone on diets because it seems they want to "out do" me or one friend in particular who seems to tell me everyone she knows and how skinny they have gotten on whatever new diet they are on. I wanted to have my own minute to shine and enjoy for a while. I hate competition.
I will admit that this weekend, my brother, who is very overweight decided it would be cute to grab a small piece of fat on my side and laugh at me as he did it. As if to say "look you still have fat" ....it was incredibly hurtful after I have worked so hard. It made me feel like I am still not good enough. I know deep down he is probably just envious.
Ok...I am sure there will be more, but phew...that made me feel better!!! :-)
I admit that I am hurt and angry when my mom has to say "Isn't she so beautiful now?!" to people while I am standing there ....she only says this when I am thinner. She is a naturally thin person that is extremely superficial. I hate it.
-I confess that it is frustrating that that no matter how thin I get, there will always be someone else thinner, prettier, younger, fitter, "...er," than me. Like camper67 said, there will never be a moment that is mine to shine for a bit - there will always be someone nipping at my heels to outdo me in weight loss or looks - whether they are strangers or friends/family. I know that sounds shallow and selfish - but hey, 3FC is where all my ugly comes out!
-I confess that I feel like a butterfly with a very short shelf life to be beautiful. Meaning, because I am 42, it is only a matter of time before my looks truly start to fade (they have already begun to fade). I have wasted the past seven years being obese, and now that I am finally starting to get back to a normal weight, age is creeping up. Fine lines are appearing, grey hairs are peeping through, and sag due to weight and age is progressing. I might finally get to goal, but will any of that matter if I hit my expiration date and now look old - thin and old - but old. Will all the weight loss (in terms of appearance) be wasted?
-I confess that I am afraid of the new found openness people now have to comment on my appearance. Right now it is with positive remarks on my weight loss. However, if I put on weight again, will people now feel comfortable to tell me that I am starting to look heavy? I don't think I could take that.
-I confess that I am already feeling angry and resentful about comments I will probably receive at my August family reunion about my weight loss. I am expecting gushing and questions about how I did it (these are people who want the magic pill response). These are relatives who really made me feel less than invisible the last time we all got together. Maybe they didn't mean to, but they really made it obvious that the only family members they respect and admire are the ones who are thin. When I was thin, I was one of their favorites, when I gained weight, I might as well not have existed. I really don't need their attention now that I know what they are all about and now that I know their admiration is so fickle that if I put back on the pounds, I will be "Persona non grata" again. I just want to scream at the top of my lungs, "I am the same person I always was! Thin or fat, it's still the same spirit in here!!!!!" Blech!
Location: Boulder, CO- but moving back to NJ in less than one week!
Posts: 90
S/C/G: 252/185/135
Height: 5'4"
Guacamole- I can totally relate to the getting older thing. I will be 45 this fall and re-entering the dating game at this age is the pits. However- I just keep telling myself, I will be 45, happy with how I look instead of miserable, and even if I'm single for the rest of my life, it's better than staying in a bad relationship. I think what has made the weight loss work for me this time is that I am doing it for myself, not because someone else has prodded me into it.
Xirene, Guacamole, I am 47 and have been single for eight years now. Losing weight has convinced me that life can get better even if not dating. I am learning to enjoy new activities on my own, such as jogging, shopping, travelling. I feel so much self-confident now than when I was married or dating! It is also true that now that I look better I feel I could start a new relationship, but I know that if I don't I won't be unhappy for that. Love is greater than romance... Learn about giving and receiving true love and you will be very happy!
My confession now: I have never acknowledged to friends and family that I count calories or anything. I have told them I lost weight by not eating cheese and peanuts and by jogging. In that way I don't have to acknowledge that I was fat because I ate too much and binged... I was fat because I made poor food choices! I am a coward or what???
Last edited by inglesita64; 06-25-2012 at 08:59 PM.
I confess....I stress eat because I am still depressed about the 5 miscarriages I had before our 2nd anniversary.
I confess....I stress eat because I will never have my own children.
I confess....I stress eat because my (just turned 18 year old) stepson is hostile when it is just the two of us at home and my husband doesn't back me up when there is an issue.
I confess.....I can't wait for him to leave home, because he will not be moving back once he is gone.
I confess....I have only been married 3 years but I either pretend I am asleep or stay up later than my husband because I can't stand for him to see how fat I have gotten.
It took 10 years to get a doctor to believe me when I told them I had thyroid issues. It caused me to lose my first pregnancy.
I confess....I hate how my skinnier sister treats me like my only use is to go shopping with her and my niece and carry everything since I don't have the money or can fit into most of the stuff at the stores.
I confess...I hate how I still hear my mother telling everyone that I was her "ugly duckling".
I confess....I hate how my mother treated me as a kid and would refuse to buy me clothes until I "lost 10 or 15 lbs" but would buy my sisters anything they wanted. I still feel like I am only good enough to wear clothes off of the 70% off rack....regardless of how bad they fit or look.
-I confess that I feel like a butterfly with a very short shelf life to be beautiful. Meaning, because I am 42, it is only a matter of time before my looks truly start to fade (they have already begun to fade). I have wasted the past seven years being obese, and now that I am finally starting to get back to a normal weight, age is creeping up. Fine lines are appearing, grey hairs are peeping through, and sag due to weight and age is progressing. I might finally get to goal, but will any of that matter if I hit my expiration date and now look old - thin and old - but old. Will all the weight loss (in terms of appearance) be wasted?
Oh my gosh! ME TOO!! Whenever I'm some place where I might see other women, older women, I wonder, when did they cross over from attractive to just looking old? Some of them are thin. Many have nice bodies for their age. However, they are not attractive in the way a 20 year old, a 30 year old or even a 40 year old is attractive. I also feel like I've wasted the beauty of my youth being fat!
I feel better.
