My secret fear is that, knowing I have a dysfunctional relationship with food, I will some day start overeating again. Things in my life are great right now so I am on track and doing well, but I have noticed that when something upsetting happens, the first thing I think of is food. I have a small snack, all the while knowing it's a bad approach to handling the stress.
That tells me that intellectually I understand what's going on, but behaviourally I still revert to that old bad habit. I fear that if something really bad happens, I will totally lose control. I feel like an alcoholic who has been living sobriety, but who can fall off the wagon any time.
That said, 3FC has been a source of inspiration for me and I read it every day to help stay on track. I think I have a sound approach to eating (calorie counting) and hope it will last for the rest of my life, but I don't take it for granted. I know I am vulnerable.
I read all your confessions and feel so much better after seeing that we all suffer for the same reasons! I confess I deceive people about what I eat, and blame genetics for my overweight. I hide to eat "unauthorized" food, and when I go out I eat light or just have a cup of coffee.
But... I bet no one here ever called a friend who had a diet doctor appointment, passed off as the doctor's secretary, said her appointment had been cancelled and then visited the doctor instead of her... I did that, when I was much much younger, out of despair. It was the only doctor I ever visited for my weight, not because I don't need it, but because I always think I don't need a doctor, but just to eat less and exercise more.
I have just joined the site, but let me get one of these just for confessing to my pathetic behaviour...
- I hate the way I look naked
- I don't think I look good in anything I wear
- I rarely go out, especially to any social events because of the way I look and feel.
- I hate being totally exhausted and too tired to do anything. And embarrassed that I'm too tired to ever get ready to go out of the house.
-I hate feeling inferior to people because I'm too fat.
No one here is pathetic - just human! I am in a "panic" mode right now, scared that I am falling off the wagon after a bad week of eating. Reading about everyone's confessions has helped me realize that I am not alone. I am glad it helped you too.
* As I lose weight, I'm getting more attention for men and women alike. And that excites me.
* I admit that I am getting to be a shallow person. Shallow as a plate. I 'thrive' on the compliment I am getting about my newly 'found' figure.
* Because of the last confessions, I've been buying new, ah, more fitting clothes. Granted, my old clothes are indeed way too baggy. Especially the work pants. But secretly, I wanted to show off my new 'body'.
* My goal weight on paper, and most challenges, is 140, but secretly, I want to be 110-120. Though, never in my adult life I have been anywhere near it. I am currently at my lowest weight. Therefore, every pound is a victory.
* My secret fear is that if I can't behave myself now at 156 lbs, will I be able to control my behavior at 140? 120? 110?
I confess that I love the attention I get from men and women too! At 47 it feels incredible.
I confess that I spend way too much money on clothes now.
I confess that I have become more critical of what other people eat....this bothers me and I really am trying to work on this one.
I confess that I lie about my weight when people tell me I am too thin....I always add 10 lbs.
I confess that I buy the smallest size clothes that I can squeeze into even though I am considered small already. Some things never change!
I confess that I am worried about my daughters weight and constantly hound her about it....This is terrible because my mother did the same thing to me and I never felt I was good enough or thin enough...I need to stop somehow.
TamiL and LittleBlueCat....OMG, totally!! I love the attention and the compliments. I've been getting some attention from men and that really excites me! Especially at my age. When was the last time I turned a head? It's like rain after a drought and I'm soaking it up.
I've also become very vain! I worry about hair, make up and clothing more than I used to, and I'm worrying about wrinkles and looking younger, thinner, and better.
I have done my fair share of clothes shopping, but I've put on the breaks until summer. I can't spend more money on clothes I won't be able to wear in 6 months. I say that now.....
Bahaha! You speak my language, twinieten! Last week I tucked my t-shirt in my jeans! Something I haven't done for ions! I've been doing more stuff to my hair as well! I think those are the best motivations to continue our journey!
I can relate too, ladies. I have put the breaks on clothes, shoes, and makeup shopping over the past few weeks (maybe because I have fallen off the wagon?). However, I probably shopped more for myself during the months of November and December than I have for the past 2 years! I know my desire to look better has been fueled by the compliments I have been getting. I too don't want to become shallow and all about appearances.
It is very telling that since I have been feeling fat again, I haven't put on an ounce of makeup and have been wearing my old baggy clothes. I should want to look good all the time, not just when my diet is on track! Also, I should want to look good for me, not to impress or win the approval of other people.
I confess to concentrating on the beauty of certain parts of the body which I know are easily seen and not fat, and hiding those other parts where fat accumulates. So, I take great care of my hands and feet and of my skin and my hair, but have done absolutely nothing for the skin of the rest of the body. I cover all that "other part" with long skirts (fat legs, sob!) and pretend nobody notices the trick...
I don't think trying to look good is vanity. Thinking only about that may be, but if you are buying clothes and spending money on your appearance, that means you are feeling better, doesn't it? So, good for yur!
I never look like a "high maintenance" type woman and do my hair, nails, clothes etc, because I'm afraid to find out, "so this really is the best I can look" and be disappointed.
I'm terrified that if I get laid off from my job I'll never be able to get hired by someone else if they have in-person interviews.
And yes, I have a secret non-discussed goal weight of about 120 as well.
I confess to most of these as well. I suppose the secret confession that bothers me the most is the secret eating. My job was so stressful that the food was the only thing that gave me any joy. Of course it also gave me tons of extra weight that made me even more miserable.
I finally unloaded that job a few months ago though I am still consulting on an hourly basis until they get someone hired and up to speed. I am finally coming out of my food coma and am ready to conquer the secret eating, the shame and the weight
Theresa
I hate the way I look naked, but I also know that even at goal weight I won't look good either.
I was the heaviest woman in one of my classes at the gym for a while and was very happy when a chubbier woman started attending. I haven't wanted to go back to class since I gained 5 lbs. back over the holidays, which I KNOW is ridiculous - no one will notice or care.
I can eat ridiculous amounts of food for someone my size..doesn't happen often, but I can, especially anything with sugar or bread.
I've felt sick to my stomach from eating yet continued to eat.
Some days I think it's not worth the struggle to take off another 15 lbs. Other days I'm disgusted by my image in the mirror.
My true weight goal is 115 lbs., even though I only got that thin twice(once was for my wedding) and it was ridiculously hard to miantain.
I think I eat better and exercise more than about 90% of the population, and I am angry that I have to work so hard to keep my weight in check.
If I didn't have to eat healthy and exercise to keep my weight down, I'm not sure if I would.
My confessions:
I hate my self naked. There are too many folds I call fat.
I hate to exercise.
I would rather cut calories than exercise.
When I am obsessed with my weight, I will weigh every day.
I eat 1/2 cup icecream every day.
When I am trying to lose weight, that's all I can think about.
I hate myself when I lose control eating.
just for confessing to my pathetic behaviour...
