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Mid-Life Crisis - Need Hope, Please!!

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Old 12-28-2008, 05:30 PM   #1
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Default Mid-Life Crisis - Need Hope, Please!!

Hi everybody -

I'm new here, and anxious to make some changes. I'm 44 years old, and every day I'm feeling older, grayer & frumpier. I want to lose about 35 pounds, but I need some motivation to give up my biggest comfort & excitement: food.

I know it's ridiculous, but I feel so discouraged. I feel like my days of looking "hot" are over, I'm past my prime, and no new or exciting discoveries are left in my life. My kids are grown, my husband is sweet & steady, and basically life consist of work, church, laundry and grocery shopping. Is this it? How do I feel young & alive again?

Sorry to be such a wet blanket; normally I'm the one who's disgustingly optimistic. I just don't feel it lately.

Can someone please give me some encouragement and hope? Is there life after 40? Can I regain my self-esteem? I'm not looking to be a bikini model, but I'd like to think I could actually look attractive (in a non-grandmotherly way!). So far, it just seems like I'm getting older in a very fast way. I'm too young to look and feel this old.
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Old 12-28-2008, 05:50 PM   #2
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Hmmmm, I'm feeling a little like this myself. I am almost exactly in your shoes except I'm 41 and am a SAHM with 2 toddlers. I also need to lose 30-40 lbs. and I definitely feel like I'm in a rut. I don't really have any advice as I'm trying to struggle through myself. I keep resolving to make changes but don't. Hoping to hear from others with some good advice.
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Old 12-28-2008, 05:54 PM   #3
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You can definitely feel "hot" again. I'm 52 and feel better than I did in my 40's. Eating better, clothes fit better, sleeping better. My outlook is definitely improved. The weight loss has helped, but so does clean eating, exercising and treating yourself occasionally with a nice haircut, a facial or new clothing as you lose weight. I tend to feel a little down in the winter time myself, so for me it's even more important to do these things for myself. My husband is "sweet & steady" too, but he loves the new me.
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Old 12-28-2008, 07:17 PM   #4
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You are soooo not alone! I am 46 years old and have been happily re-married for 11 yrs. My hubby has become more attractive with age and more funny - I became large, larger, and cranky! I never saw myself as pretty until a few months ago when i came across some photos of me in my 20's. Wholly smokes - where did that girl that never left the dance floor of the 80's go! In October 2008, a bunch of us (12) got together and started a Biggest Loser with weekly friday weigh ins. It was around that time that I found out both my children and son-in-law would be deploying and asked if I would care for my two precious grandchildren. Now, I did not want to be the grandma of 46 who felt like 86 -so I thought, no better time like the present. I'm telling you all this for a reason...

I never once thought that I would feel about myself as I do now! I am almost 1/2 way to goal and I honestly now LOVE my 40's. I find that I am accomplishing things I never thought possible - it's no longer an "if" I lose my unwanted weight - it's what am I going to do after that. (Remember what it felt like when you got your license -drive anywhere, even to the grocery store- that's how I'm feeling).

That rut we woman get ourselves into ... even our dear hubs sometimes...needs to be shaken up a bit! Pedicures are wonderful...when I get to goal - I'm going for a new hair style. I also think I'll talk my husband into TANGO lessons!

It's exciting! and
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Old 12-28-2008, 09:15 PM   #5
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I went through my midlife crisis a bit early --- when I was 39 I realized that I will never live abroad. Visit -- maybe, but definately not live. It sounds so silly, but that realization threw me for a loop. I felt old, and worse I felt that I did not accomplish anything I wanted to when I was young.
So, I promptly regained my 30lbs and added an extra 8.
Then I realized something else, and it is a wonderful thing. I no longer care what the world thinks about me. I no longer care if the other moms invite me to coffee, or if they think I'm 'super mom' and throw the best classroom parties. I sincerely do not care!
I leave the house in sweatpants, I buy feminine hygeine products with impugnity! In short, albeit fat I am secure with who and what I am. And that is freedom.
Try looking at your 40s this way -- it helped me recognize that the past is gone, but that doesn't mean the present and future can't hold great things.
Good luck, and I can't wait to get to know you better!
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Old 12-28-2008, 10:12 PM   #6
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Ditto to Anne's post (except that I'm 51). You CAN feel great, look great and definitely enjoy life at 50+. I am far more active, dress younger, and get a lot of positive attention in my 50s

Age IS a state of mind!
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Old 12-29-2008, 06:51 AM   #7
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Default Thank you!

You ladies are amazing! Your words are exactly what I needed to hear: understanding, commiseration (sorry, but misery loves company) and encouragement.

I don't know why this funk has hit so strong lately. I guess I always thought there'd be time to pursue all my dreams, and suddenly my mirror is laughing at me. Looks like I'll have to pick & choose now. I hate that! But maybe it's a blessing in disguise, time to set some priorities and start living on purpose (rather than just meandering along).

I agree that winters are the hardest - especially in the Midwest. Thanks for your excellent reminders about self-care. Tonight I see my stylist for a fresh cut & desperately needed highlights!
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Old 12-29-2008, 07:06 AM   #8
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Hi Pinkie, is there anything you always wanted to learn but haven't yet? I like to learn new things every year, like dancing, piano, other languages, etc. Now that your kids are grown, it sounds like you might have the time for you now. Following through on a small dream like that may give you a lift in mood and a big boost in self esteem.
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Old 12-29-2008, 08:20 PM   #9
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Default dealing with mid-life

My mother told me the forties were the best years, and it sure started out that way. I felt great, had good energy, (both kids finally sleeping well every night) my marriage was fantastic, and the sex was better than ever. I was where I wanted to be with my career, and some problems with my business partner resolved for the better.
Then my oldest daughter moved away to university. I developed a sleep disorder.
That fall, a whole lot of crap happened, including the death of a dear friend's son. By Christmas, I was in a pretty deep depression, and have been on anti-depressants ever since, with a few off times where I feel ok, for a short time.
They do not bring back the great feelings I had in my early forties. I have moments where things feel great, but not days, and definitely not a week at a time. My weight has crept up. Although there is nothing "wrong" with my life, I don't have the energy and verve that I had before.
I don't know if I will recapture that but am determined to make things better.
Get my weight under control, get back to feeling like an attractive if older woman, for my own sake. (DH loves unconditionally, as do I)
Plan for changes in my career as I get older, instead of having the changes happen TO me.
Lets take our lives back.
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Old 12-30-2008, 06:52 AM   #10
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Hi Pinkie, is there anything you always wanted to learn but haven't yet? I like to learn new things every year, like dancing, piano, other languages, etc. Now that your kids are grown, it sounds like you might have the time for you now. Following through on a small dream like that may give you a lift in mood and a big boost in self esteem.

River, I think that's exactly my problem. Life is so fascinating that I want to do & know everything . I'm just realizing that some dreams aren't gonna happen. Nope, I'm not going to be a ballerina, after all. But you're right. If I were to focus on just one thing (like learning that new language), I'll bet it would really help. Thanks for the great advice.

Fatmad, I'm sorry for the hurdles you've faced. I agree that getting healthy is a great way to turn things around. Good luck to us all!

Last edited by Pinkie : 12-30-2008 at 06:53 AM. Reason: formatting
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Old 12-30-2008, 07:42 AM   #11
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I have a year till 50 and know the feeling so i stated a blog and I think that will help and going on my last diet
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Old 12-31-2008, 02:12 AM   #12
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Default 44, over 300 lbs and starting over



Hello everyone,

I belonged to this forum almost 4 years ago then life got busy, I got very depressed and lived a mid-life crisis for the past few years. I am trying to get back on the horse and get "my best life". I have a loving, fabulous, soulmate for a husband and two wonderful kids. I left a job I hated after 20 years and now enjoy what I do. I have done the counseling thing and am on medication to help deal with depression and mild GAD and OCD. I joined Planet Fitness last week and went yesterday (15 mins on a treadmill...YAY!!) and once we get finances under control want to rejoin WW. I need lots of support and reminders that I am not the only woman in the world who is twice her husbands size.

Here's to 2009...change for the better.
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Old 12-31-2008, 08:50 AM   #13
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I also have been going thru it I am alone, and not working for the last 3 years due to a WC injury, living of my savings and hoping to find a job to keep me going in this crappy economy.
I will keep you all in my prayers. so tomorrow is my big start day, and my fat butt will be in the photos in my blog, in my bra and panties.(something I am sure you all want to see)LOL
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Old 01-01-2009, 10:30 AM   #14
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I can so relate to this thread!
I was in a huge rut- depressed- bored with my life- lonely-and my self esteem was non existant.
But I am loving my life now!
I lost 45 lbs since summer, I found a new interest that is absorbing, and I regained the confidence in myself that I needed.
I still have my wonderful family- and a husband who is absolutely wonderful. The only thing that has changed really is ME.
I feel 20 years younger, and I look forward to so much!!!
All it took was a new outlook. I CAN look good, I CAN have fun, I AM worth more......
Good luck. You can do this!!
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Old 01-01-2009, 12:53 PM   #15
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Hi, Pinkie! Boy, you could be my soul sister - our starting points and goals are almost identical! I think the 40's should be a great time of life - all the experiences we have start to form "wisdom", and the big picture gets clearer.

Haven't quite figured out how to get the groove back ... but I'm thinking it's a reflection of inner energy. I'm working with a good doctor who's trying to fix my underperforming thyroid, while I work on giving myself better nutrition and MORE MOTION.

It's going to be a great year, because we're going to MAKE it be a great year!
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