[jimaterry]

Hi everyone... i have been on this site for about a year posting in cal counters. i have been reading thru some of your posts, and you seem like a really friendly bunch of people, as well as the fact im 44, i thought i would introduce myself and hopefully get to know some of you.
i have never really told my whole story on this site, so bare with me a bit. maybe it'll help getting some of it out lol

I wasnt fat as a child.. maybe a lil chubby at times, but never fat. When i was 18 i got pregnant with my son. i weighed 130lbs. when i was 3 months pregnant, my sons father went to prison for stealing a car.. i was less than enthused about men at that point, so i did give into my chocolate cravings.. i would eat good meals, but then eat a lb of MnM's afterword..or a whole choc cake.. the day After i had my son, i weighed 225..i finally lost down to 150, and i got pregnant with my daughter.. diff man..thought this time it would be different.. anyhow.. 3 months into the pregnancy, he was arrested for a forgery charge he had commited 2 years before i even met him.. boy did i hate men at that point.. i figured if i was fat, i wouldnt have to deal with men anymore, so i literally got fat on purpose.. not only was i young with really bad taste in men, i was an idiot lol...the day after i had my daughter i weighed 250.. and in the ensuing years it has ballooned to 301. i have wanted to lose wieght for a while now, but have had a really hard time sticking to any kind of plan or staying motivated.
i have done a lot of soul searching and i think im kinda scared to lose the weight. i know that sounds dumb, but i have been huge for over 20 years.. im not sure ill know how to behave thin.. does that make any sense? lol.. i have never been a weak, scared woman, and i have finally gotten angry at myself for these feelings.. i know i need to lose the weight so i feel better, look better, and live longer.. and im tired of being scared about it.. scared of failing, scared of re-defining me as a thin person.. so, im gonna jump in with both feet.. lose this stupid weight, and deal with re-defining myself as and when i need to..
im going to start with portion control and cal counting.......... and add a whole lot of exercise.. which sadly i dont do at the mo..i bought an exersize bike, and some dumbells, which im gonna make myself use.. ill start slowly at first so i dont reach a burn out, but i'm going to do my best to stick with it this time.
im not expecting miracles, but i am expecting myself to do the best i can. i have never settled for less with anything else in my life, so why settle for less with my health?
i look forward to getting to know you guys

[Slashnl]

You should be proud of yourself for taking on this challenge. I'm sure you can do it. I'm glad you came to the 40's forum. Jump in at any time on the chat thread. It has seemed a little slow over the past few days, but I'm sure it will pick up. There are a lot of nice people there with lots of support to give!

[Clydegirl]

Welcome to the 40 somethings.

We have a nice bunch of people. Pop in and chat.

[luvin2lose]

Hi Jimaterry,

I am 44 also. Been overweight for 20+ yrs too. I finally snapped a few weeks ago and decided that I deserve better. Better treatment of myself from myself.

If you need any motivation, I have some to share. As long as you are doing it for you, you will succeed. Don't let your worries about "who you are as a thin person" get in the way. Do NOT sabotage yourself due to those feelings. Just think, in a year, before next Christmas, you could weigh under 200 lbs. The years fly by as it is and if my experience is anything like what you will go thru, more energy, more confidence and more self assuance, all this is coming your way.