I am single, and totally agree with the comment about being overweight and "invisible". It happens pretty much weekly to me. My friends who have lost weight say it is amazing how that changes.......a sad commentary on men.

I agree, I am married but if I see another man looking my way or if he starts up a conversation with me, then I am very flattered. I love the attention.

It does make me alittle aggrivated because I get more attention and men are nicer to me now that I am losing weight. I have noticed that doors are held open for me now and before at my biggest weight, 225, I did feel invisible. But I try not to let it bother me and be happy that I will never be at that weight again.

General question:

Do you think people treat you differently (often better) when you're losing or have lost weight because of the weight loss or are they responding to you behaving differently because you feel differently about yourself?

I am a strong believer that it's the latter.

If you feel invisible, everything about how you carry yourself, speak and your body language will communicate that in very subtle ways and people will treat you accordingly. It's the same for confidence - when you feel confident - even if you don't think you are behaving any differently, you actually are. And your friends may not even realize that they are treating you differently - they are just responding to you differently.

It's just unfortunate that many of us only gain confidence or feel worthy of attention at a smaller size.

I, too, believe that it's the latter. I've never considered myself shy or lacking self esteem, even at my heaviest. But about 3 weeks ago, a professional peer of mine told me that the change in my personality in the last 6 months or so has been startling ... that I seemed to carry myself with more pride and that I definitely seemed more self confident. I was AMAZED ... because I never thought I lacked those qualities before. It really blew my mind that he saw that change in me when I had no idea.

So I think a lot of the "why are we invisible when we're fat" really is about US and less about other people.

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I have regained weight when confronted by my feelings about mens' attention. I was molested by too many people when young and developed fat as a shield. Even knowing that didn't make the feeling go away. I know I will have to deal with it again but my husband and therapist are helping me change my reactions and perceptions. I am so happy to finally see some hope. I am tired of my own self sabatauge.

Part of what I want from this weight loss is attention from the opposite sex. There...I said it...Call me shallow all you want but I am tired of being invisible. I think there are men that like me but you can't change what they are attracted to. It's not their fault that fat is not a turn on for them. It isn't for me either. I think one reason that I got and stayed fat was to avoid male attention.
My husband was the jealous type so it was actually easier when I gained weight. After he passed away,I gained even more. I didn't care at the time because frankly I didn't care that much about living...I wanted to be invisable.
This journey is about so much more than weight loss to me. It is my journey back to life. I may as well been dead for the past 3 years. But that is in the past. I am ready to live life again and I don't need this weight holding me back. Especially if there is someone out there that wants to live it with me!