Another unsolicited comment - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

fitness4life · 08-05-2011, 08:27 AM

Where I work, we had a biggest loser contest. The winner, Joe, is such a fun, sarcastic guy and he continues to work out hard 3x/wk.

Out of the blue, in front of my boyfriend and 2 of my kids, he says, "Hey! Go eat something! You're too skinny!".

Boy that really hurt. I work hard at building muscle. I prefer the word lean.

I don't get why others "get away" with insulting featherweights like that.

I would never in a million years tell him, "Good job winning the contest, but I can tell you gotta lay off the double cheeseburgers still."

Instead I just said, "I know" and left.

banananutmuffin · 08-05-2011, 09:32 AM

Men.

He probably thought he was being complimentary.

aimeebell · 08-05-2011, 09:40 AM

I don't think that people realize that saying "Hey! Go eat something. You're too skinny!" is just as insulting as saying "Hey! Back away from the burger! You're too fat!"
People just don't think, my six year old loudly declared "WOW! Look at that lady! She is so skinny!" in an amazed voice. The young woman was emaciated, not just skinny, and clearly either had an eating disorder, or some other type of illness. When I scolded him, he said "What? Skinny is good! I'm skinny! I like skinny!?!" Not seeing the problem. I explained that we do NOT comment on other people's body size, fat or thin, period. A lot of people must have missed this very same lecture from their own mothers in childhood.

Jubilee · 08-05-2011, 09:41 AM

I can see how this comment is offensive and totally rude. The couple of times people have told me I'm too thin I have been secretly pleased. I suppose this is a weird reaction.

fitmom · 08-05-2011, 09:45 AM

My hubby's friend called me to my face the other day, 'rail-thin'. I had to fight back tears, seriously. Luckily, my hubby told him to pipe down and quit it. I'm lean not anorexic. My collarbone and hipbones don't stick out. I still menstruate regularly. You can't count my ribs. WTF??? My late mom always taught me that if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. Is that so hard?

aimeebell · 08-05-2011, 10:00 AM

Jubilee, I am also pleased when someone says I am too skinny, I've even gotten the "Every time I see you there is less of you, go eat something comment." I wasn't offended because I know it was intended as a compliment. If I [I]actually[I] were too thin and felt self conscious of being that way, I would feel insulted. But.....I still have plenty of meat on my bones. Still, it is best to NEVER comment on another person's size because it is rude, even if people like you and I secretely savor those type of comments LOL Plus, I never know what to say back. A friend told me just the other day that I am "melting away." What do you say? It's not really a compliment so saying "Thanks." doesn't seem appropriate.

banananutmuffin · 08-05-2011, 10:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jubilee

I can see how this comment is offensive and totally rude. The couple of times people have told me I'm too thin I have been secretly pleased. I suppose this is a weird reaction.

I don't think your reaction is weird. The other day a male friend commented on my weight loss, and said if I kept it up I was going to be nothing but "skin and bones." (Full disclosure: I am nowhere NEAR skin and bones.) However, I was pleased by his comment. He meant it in a complimentary way, even if it wasn't exactly worded in a flattering way, and I was happy that someone had noticed my weight loss progress.

Perhaps our reactions to these kinds of statements has more to do with our goals. If we're striving to lose weight and really slim down, then it's easier to view these comments as compliments. On the other hand, if our focus is to buff up and build muscle, we tend to see them as offensive.

bargoo · 08-05-2011, 10:05 AM

Strangely enough, I think he meant it as a compliment. He could have phrased it better, though.

Ilene · 08-05-2011, 10:06 AM

He, being a man, a stupid one at that, thought, wrongly, that he was giving you a compliment... He's probably, secretly, jealous

Don't sweat it!!

People, can be dumb

luckymommy · 08-05-2011, 10:44 AM

I'm not a featherweight, but I just wanted to comment. If someone said that to me, I'd be delighted. The only time I don't like those comments is when someone in my family tells it to me with a serious look and actually means it, given that I'm nowhere near too skinny. It annoys me because they actually worry about the fact that I'm healthier? That makes no sense since they didn't say anything to me when I was obese! But, if someone says it casually, I just think they're either jealous or trying to be funny or attempting a complement. I agree with the fact that people should stop commenting on other's body size.

fitmom · 08-05-2011, 10:52 AM

I agree luckymommy!! Why can't people just keep their comments to themselves? I mean, how boring would this world be if we were all the same shape and size?

I personally don't like the words, 'skinny' or 'rail-thin' - I can't speak for other featherweights - because to me it kind of implies that you're not strong but rather weak. At least, that's the way I take it to be.

If someone were to call me 'fit', 'toned' or 'lean' - that implies that although I might be smaller in stature, I'm strong and healthy too.

But it doesn't surprise me that someone would say that. People really need to have some sort of censor on their inner thoughts, lol.

aimeebell · 08-05-2011, 10:57 AM

Lucky, 5' 9" and 155 lbs....you are most definitely a featherweight. Join us!

Dorian5 · 08-05-2011, 10:59 AM

I JUST went out to dinner with a very slim friend last night and this came up -- she has always been and WILL always be slim, she is just BUILT like that. Her mother is slim too. She's 5'5" and might weigh 100lbs. She's half French, half Belgian -- and she eats plenty of food (we went to Panera AND out for frozen yogurt last night) and she is actively trying to gain more weight/muscle ALL THE TIME.

People say insensitive things to her as well, like "You know men like women with at least a little meat, right?" or that she has no boobs or that she is anorexic and needs to EAT something.

She asked me why people think they can say things like that, and that she would never say anything to anyone about being too large, so why do people say things about her being too small? I can tell it cuts her deep because her eyes watered up a little, I felt awful and didn't know what to say.

It's a disgusting double standard and people will eventually learn some tact. There is no reason for anyone, anywhere to comment on someone else's body size. I'm very sorry you had to deal with this, fitness4life. Maybe next time you SHOULD comment right back about his body -- if your size is open for discussion, then his is too!

fivestone · 08-05-2011, 04:52 PM

I can totally relate. I know that they don't mean any harm, but... it especially makes me feel weird when they say it around other people. It's like, yeah...I know I need to bulk up, and as soon as my digestive system decides that it wants to work more efficiently, I can make that happen, and I'm under a doctor's care, so...why do I need random comments from the peanut gallery that make me feel even more freakish?!

It's just like some of you guys said -- I would never, ever go up to somebody and tell them to put down the chips and cakes or whatever. So why is it OK to publicly call me out? Total common decency fail on their part.

But... yeah. I will admit, when I weighed more, such comments felt secretly nice as a compliment. Now, they just suck to hear.

belmagick · 08-05-2011, 05:01 PM

Fitness, I think you're right too be upset. I would be. There's a world of difference between you look thin/lean/slender and you're too skinny. Skinny sounds like he thinks you're ill or something. He was completely thoughtless and should learn to choose his words carefully when giving someone else his opinion on their body ESPECIALLY when they didn't ask for it. I think it should be unacceptable to comment on someone else's figure unless they specifically ask for your opinion and it doesn't matter if you think they're fat, skinny or average.

I've been in similar situations r.e. weightloss although I am no way near my goal. Two of my flatmates approached me a while ago told me 'not to lose anymore weight, because being thin wouldn't suit me' and then tried to tempt me to eat a doughnut. I just didn't know how to take that and am still a bit upset about it.