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Old 07-19-2011, 06:12 AM   #64
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Join Date: May 2011
Location: Scotland
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Maybe I don't get it because I went to a single-sex school during which the longest relationship I had (with a bloke, I was firmly closeted at the time) was three months, and then plunged straight into the heart of the uni LGBT community at uni, so that not that many of my male friends have ever been straight? Really, you don't know fun until you have been belting out a Mozart love duet at the piano with a gay man and lots of camping it up. And my best friend is a gay man (actually, I once had to tell him, "[Name], I've got something to confess. I've been playing the Schubert with another man." My duet partners have almost always been gay men, apart from that one time I tried singing with a straight boy and he was all inhibited and staid), so I'm not really experienced in the whole exclusive-friendship-with-straight-women thing.

Originally Posted by philana View Post
Girls talking amongst themselves will inquire if they have seen one of the BF's with another girl somewhere. They'll start all sorts of gossip and their mind immediately goes to the gutter. So the GF in question can't do anything other than confront het BF about it and make a fuss.
Do adults really do this? I totally missed out on that and always have, it seems. The ONE time I went to the loo to gossip with a friend was when three of us, all friends since we were five, went to the theatre, and while sitting in a cafe beforehand, my best friend (male) came out to the other friend (female). She quickly grabbed me and rushed to the loo to say, "Did I react OK? Did I react OK?" I didn't have the heart to say, "Yes, and by the way, I'm a raving bisexual too!"

Originally Posted by philana View Post
Ah, I'm so glad I'm single. Because lesbian drama can be just as huge. LOL.
I've just started watching The L Word, and isn't there a line in it along the lines of, "Lesbians just think friendship is another word for foreplay"? Having been involved in a nice little lesbian tangle of my own, involving a good friend where we fancied each other but should never have tried a relationship...yep, I know what you mean.

I've found that the people who are most sensible about relationship boundaries and jealousy are the poly folks. I'm monogamous myself, but I've learnt a surprising amount from the alt.polyamory FAQ, for instance. I think that's the article that inspired me to sit down with my partner shortly after we got together and have a good chat about how we both feel about monogamy, what it means to us, that sort of thing.

Mya - OK, you're right, the between-legs bit does matter in the context of a sexual relationship. Arghh, this is so hard to explain. It's a fun bit, but it no more makes a difference to me which category it falls into than it matters what colour the person's hair is. I do find that the chemistry tends to be a bit different with men than it does with women, and that I more often find women physically attractive and more often have that chemistry with men, but I reckon that's because we have this social construct of women being the ones who are looked at, with more revealing clothing and so forth, and because unless you live in the lesbian community (which I don't), you are going to run into far more men-attracted-towards-women than you are going to find women-attracted-towards-women. It's just that there are so many factors governing attraction towards someone, including whether they are someone who is attracted to your gender (positing a binary gender system for the moment, and also acknowledging that some people do keep falling tragically for folks who aren't attracted to their gender), and their gender isn't really a factor for me. It reminds me of the way that, erm, some gender theorist (Valerie Traub?) says that it really is quite arbitrary to divide people up based on which gender they're attracted to, you could as well divide them up based on whether or not they can roll their tongue. Which I don't entirely agree with, tongue-rolling is of no social significance whereas relationships are, but she does have a certain point. And it's not as if humans are free from the problem of dividing people up in a way that is totally unnecessary, such as racism.
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