So yesterday I got the wild hair to go thru my closet & "weed out" and make a delivery to the Goodwill.
I had a HUGE lawn-sized trash bag when I was done, and many things that I couldn't wear before NOW FIT ME! So ...
On the downside, there were some really COOL clothes that are now too big & some lucky person at Goodwill is gonna strike gold. Meh! I can live with that!
Weirdly enough, I don't feel like I look like I've lost the weight. I still feel fat... still SEE fat when I look in the mirror. All that "weeding out" meant taking things off, trying things on, over & over & over. It took me about 4 hours to complete the task. So I kept seeing my "fleshly belly" and "widddddde hips" over & over again. Ugh. I wonder if THIS FEELING will ever go away. This is something truly internal that I must work on... forever. Because even when I was much younger and much thinner (28 years old & 126 lbs!) I still just FELT. SO. FAT. So yeah, I wonder if this feeling will ever change... will I ever be able to make it change?
Last edited by Beach Patrol; 07-17-2011 at 07:43 AM.
Some of it is definitely in your head! My sister is exactly your height (five-three AND A HALF), and she started out weighing only a little less than you, and got down to 123, and is still working. She is DEFINITELY not fat at her weight, so you mustn't have been, either. It just takes some confidence!
The answer is YES! It will change. But it may take longer than you think. It doesn't matter how loose those pants that used to be tight are, you still see yourself the same in the mirror. Oh god how I hated the phantom fat stage. I gave my clothes away to a friend but I did keep back one pair of pants that I still put on when I am feeling crazy. LOL I recommend you do the same. And embrace all those comments you get from people too!
You may still see flaws in the mirror but rest assured they are smaller than they were 30 pounds ago. Do a google search and find before and after pics of people who have lost 30 pounds. The difference you see in them is no different than what you have going on too!
But don't worry, you are not crazy. The body image issues will resolve themselves in time. I promise!
This is something truly internal that I must work on... forever. Because even when I was much younger and much thinner (28 years old & 126 lbs!) I still just FELT. SO. FAT. So yeah, I wonder if this feeling will ever change... will I ever be able to make it change?
This. Drives. Me. CRAZY!
I've felt overweight since I was in middle school, even though I didn't become overweight until I was 17. Of course, there was more going on there than I realized at the time. I had a mother who was very critical of both my and her weight, so I think I was always responding to her concerns about my weight and her concerns about her own weight. (Kind of like trying on your mother's clothes, except I was trying on her self-esteem issues.) I'll never forget her teaching my 10-year-old self how to "suck in" in the dressing room when I tried on my first bikini.
I really wish I had been able to really see myself because looking back on pictures now, I think, "Damn! I had a skinny bod!"
But I know from the last time I tried this that you do eventually see a difference and feel different. Mom had bought me a few TIGHT workout outfits for the gym, which I hated wearing. But I was glad I did because it was easy to see the difference after a couple months of working out. (Speaking of this, WHY are there wall length mirrors in gyms? Do people really like looking at themselves that they need to see their bodies from all sides while working out. I'd be happy never to see that, but I guess it is motivating to see my stomach roll while pumping iron. ::sigh:: ) You'll get past this.
I got rid of my super-mongo huge clothes a few months ago...and I picked up some new-to-me clothes recently from Craigslist. I *know* what size I wear. I held up several pairs of pants, and they looked huge and entirely too small at the same time. I'm a big girl. They're big pants. I just didn't see any way I'd fit into them...but I did, and they fit perfectly.
That said, I've never perceived myself to be as big as I am. In my mind's eye, I'm still an uber curvy 12/14 instead of the reality of a round 22...but pants seemed too small for me when I held them up.
I LOVE getting rid of clothes that no longer fit.
The other thing I think is so funny is when I put something on that I haven't worn in awhile and it is loose. I wonder (quite seriously) if little elves are making my clothes bigger as I sleep because I know I'm not getting any smaller.
I look back now to when i was my smallest, and i genuinely thought back then i looked obese.. Actually, i looked really good!!!!
I have a huge amount of clothes (heaps with tags on even :/) that are too small for me! Like seriously a whole wardrobe full.. When i reach my goal weight, i actually wouldnt have to buy any new clothes at all if i didnt want to lol. I had an ED - recovered now, but while i was sick, i couldnt handle buying clothes in 'big sizes' so whenever i shopped i would buy at my goal size... The result being hundreds of dollars worth of clothes that have never been worn lol.
Over the past couple of years, I've given away lots of clothes. I've been in limbo for the past four years and had a really lousy attitude the past two years or so because I thought that I would never be thin again. I got a second wind this summer, though, and I've been doing well for about 7 weeks. Now I'm glad that I didn't give away all my smaller clothes because I'm enjoying the thrill of being able to fit into some of them (just about 10 lbs. lost so far, but even that makes a difference). What's old is new again!
Over the past couple of years, I've given away lots of clothes. I've been in limbo for the past four years and had a really lousy attitude the past two years or so because I thought that I would never be thin again. I got a second wind this summer, though, and I've been doing well for about 7 weeks. Now I'm glad that I didn't give away all my smaller clothes because I'm enjoying the thrill of being able to fit into some of them (just about 10 lbs. lost so far, but even that makes a difference). What's old is new again!
Going thru the closet...
So yeah, I wonder if this feeling will ever change... will I ever be able to make it change?
