My teen is mean or has a bad sense of humor - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

berryblondeboys · 07-15-2011, 08:46 PM

I think it's a combo of both. That crude teen sense of humor and just not knowing when to shut his trap and being mean.

So, we were outside having dinner on this gorgeous night. I was making a bit of fun with my bat wing arms and my teenage son says, "Good thing you're married because you wouldn't be able to find a guy with those arms." I told him he was being mean and really obnoxious, and trying to get out of it he digs in deeper and says, "Well, really, how could you find someone looking like that?"

All it did was make me mad at my son (and he has ADHD and his ability to think things through is lacking, but still!!!) A few minutes later my husband, my younger son and I were taking a walk and I said that I would much rather have bat wing arms than be heavier and he agreed. He also said that our older son's sense of humor needs some refining (he thinks too much of his communication is online and not with people face to face).

I post this because not that long ago a comment like that would have sent me reeling. I would have believed that no man would love me or want me because of my body's imperfections. Yet, I know that's not true and there's something wrong with the person saying that - not something wrong with me. As a matter of fact my sex life has been great since I've lost weight. Seems hubby doesn't mind the bat wings at all since most of the rest of me is a lot better!

It's a big step for me to be able to get past a comment like that. Maybe I've finally matured at the ripe age of 41?

fitmom · 07-15-2011, 08:54 PM

My nine-year old son says things that 'get my goat' sometimes too. He can't say much about my weight anymore b/c at this point, I'm pretty lean but he kids me about turning 40 soon and having a few forehead wrinkles. I just take it with a grain of salt and tell him that I'd like to see what he looks like at my age, lol. Mostly he's complimentary, thankfully except when he's in a mood.

My hubby tells me I look better now than when he met me 20 years ago so our relationship (all aspects) has greatly improved b/c I'm more self-confident in general.

I think with age (I'm 39) comes wisdom. At least that's what getting older has done for me.

alaskanlaughter · 07-15-2011, 09:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by berryblondeboys

I think it's a combo of both. That crude teen sense of humor and just not knowing when to shut his trap and being mean.

So, we were outside having dinner on this gorgeous night. I was making a bit of fun with my bat wing arms and my teenage son says, "Good thing you're married because you wouldn't be able to find a guy with those arms." I told him he was being mean and really obnoxious, and trying to get out of it he digs in deeper and says, "Well, really, how could you find someone looking like that?"

All it did was make me mad at my son (and he has ADHD and his ability to think things through is lacking, but still!!!) A few minutes later my husband, my younger son and I were taking a walk and I said that I would much rather have bat wing arms than be heavier and he agreed. He also said that our older son's sense of humor needs some refining (he thinks too much of his communication is online and not with people face to face).

I post this because not that long ago a comment like that would have sent me reeling. I would have believed that no man would love me or want me because of my body's imperfections. Yet, I know that's not true and there's something wrong with the person saying that - not something wrong with me. As a matter of fact my sex life has been great since I've lost weight. Seems hubby doesn't mind the bat wings at all since most of the rest of me is a lot better!

It's a big step for me to be able to get past a comment like that. Maybe I've finally matured at the ripe age of 41?

my older one with ADHD, age 13, also has very little mental "brakes" when it comes to what he says...he can also be rude sometimes or obnoxious and also doesnt know when to STOP talking lol

April Snow · 07-15-2011, 09:21 PM

My son is 7, also with ADHD and while he's been supportive of my weight loss efforts, I arrived at the family ice cream party at his camp yesterday to find out that he had informed EVERYONE that his mom couldn't eat ice cream because she can't eat sugar. lol!

It boggles my mind to think what he will do and say when he's a teenager!

mzKiki · 07-15-2011, 10:40 PM

Kids aren't necessarily trying to be mean. They just lack the common sense to shut the heck up! I often think my 16 yr old is crazy & I choose to believe that I was much more tactful and sensitive to others feelings at that age. (though I probably wasn't).
I'm glad that you didn't take his comments too seriously and that your husband love you (bat wings and all).

shcirerf · 07-15-2011, 11:46 PM

"IT" is a teenager. Nuff said. Raised 2. They do grow up and get brains, just takes awhile.

EZMONEY · 07-15-2011, 11:57 PM

Art was right...

Kids say the darndest things....

especially teen-agers...

but so do us adults....

unless it becomes a habit...blow this one off!

alaskanlaughter · 07-16-2011, 12:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by April Snow

My son is 7, also with ADHD and while he's been supportive of my weight loss efforts, I arrived at the family ice cream party at his camp yesterday to find out that he had informed EVERYONE that his mom couldn't eat ice cream because she can't eat sugar. lol!

It boggles my mind to think what he will do and say when he's a teenager!

mine has mellowed out somewhat now that he's getting into teenager years...he's 13, almost 14...he's not so physically hyperactive and has developed the social skills that were a struggle when he was younger...he is VERY social now lol like most teenagers are...however he still struggles with those mental "brakes" and would eat until he puked unless i put the brakes on his eating and told him "no more"...as in "you need 2 slices of cheese for a sandwich, not 15" and "drink one can of soda, not all 12 tonight"...because he doesn't pay attention to what he's putting in his mouth

he still struggles academically and is on his medication for ADHD during the school year...he still has special ed help but not alot...he struggles to focus, do the work (increasing amount of work as he enters 8th grade now), and turn things in on time

however he seems to have outgrown the years when he would accidentally hurt himself by not paying attention...he once was running and not watching and ran face-first into a concrete lightpole in a parking lot...shattered his glasses, bruised half his face, looked like he'd been in a fight...and once he was using a knife to stab a hole in a soda top, he missed and put the knife through the webbing between his thumb and forefighter...*sigh* and i wonder why my hair is grey

astrophe · 07-16-2011, 12:52 AM

Good for you!

I have to say this made me laugh though.

Quote:

"IT" is a teenager. Nuff said. Raised 2. They do grow up and get brains, just takes awhile.

Mine is not a teen yet, but I hope when DH and I go through puberty again with DD that we all survive!

A.

mamakat · 07-16-2011, 08:20 AM

I guess I should be thankful my lovely young man (15 ADD) is an introvert and hardly ever talks. It's the 11 year old (girl) that has the insults flying. She can dig them in too. I've heard the one about not getting a man a lot. The thing is is that I've been fighting weight and crappy comments ALL my life that I'm sort of immune when it's family who says them. And when someone else says something I reply "did you see that in the paper because I didn't know I was fat. Hmm thanks" My DH and kids went to Comicon last year and brought me a lovely lovely shirt that says I'm Fat Let's Party because that's exactly how I see it. Look you aren't telling me anything I don't already know.

As for bat wings...come on they're bat wings! I'm picturing a super hero right now in my head. And that's what we moms are. When another "nice" comment comes from one of our children we should just reply "I wiped your butt til you were___" That'll shut them up. No kid likes being reminded of that.

I'm glad you didn't take it to heart. One day when he's older and married and his wife is pregnant or just had a baby you should remind him of his comment. Then ask, do you love her? And he'll realize it isn't about weight or wings it's about who you are.

JenMusic · 07-16-2011, 08:22 AM

I don't have any kids, but I was one!

I'd like to think I was never purposely cruel to my parents, but I'm pretty sure I said some hurtful things to them growing up. I regret that.

My parents are amazing, and we've always had a good/great relationship, but being a teen was hard. On the whole family.

Maybe not today or tomorrow, but one day your son will remember this and cringe that he was ever that thoughtless with his beloved mom.

losermom · 07-16-2011, 09:18 AM

Teenaged boys are DUMB! They are still learning to be tactful and empathetic to others. I would point it out to your son that what he said was hurtful and move on.

My DS16 told me this week that he didn't like my new haircut because it was a big change. I had bangs which I haven't had in 10 years and he's resistant to me changing my appearance. He usually has the same reaction when I color my hair any color other than blonde.

darius · 07-16-2011, 09:39 AM

I remember enough about being a teenager to recall saying things for no other reason than to shock the heck out of older people. I and my brother and sister never directly insulted my parents because they beat us. I don't have lasting issues but I occasionally look back on it with resentment.
But I don't have issues.
Oh who am I kidding.

mamakat · 07-16-2011, 09:47 AM

losermom my kids get to pick out the color of my hair. they always have. lately I'm sporting blue, but I've been green, purple and pink along with all the "normal" color. Alas I will have to change it this week as I have jury duty coming up and I'm not sure I want to wear my wig yet.

losermom · 07-16-2011, 10:03 AM

Mamakat, ooh fun! I love those colors but they fade so quickly. Is there a specific brand of color that you use? I can't do anything really crazy right now, because DD24 is getting married this fall. She was pissed that I got bangs too because I "B*tch stole my look!" She's planning on getting bangs after the wedding too and told me that now she's "going to look just like my mother". But I've been thinking about it for over a year and finally just did it. I was ready for a change and they're cheaper than botox.