There are a few " straws " for me:
1. My parents treat my meth-addict sister better than me because they can't see what she is smoking or injecting but they see me stuffing food in my mouth. They compare me to her because she's thin - of course she's thin.. she's been on crack/meth and whatever drugs for over 20 years. Being called to my parent's room to just hear them say... " hello whale".
It seems like an issue for younger people but I have to deal with it at 38 years old.
2. Hard to admit but I have isolated myself from all my friends, except online ones because they can't see me. My best friend since kindergarten was always fat like me... but she could afford bariatric surgery. In a few months she lost over 100lbs and did the skin surgery. Life really did change for her. She was so happy. She was still the same friend to be but I chose to stay away. I lost my security blanket. It was fine if we were both fat but I could not bear the thought of being the only fat one in our peer group.
3. When I felt that fatness had taken over my life and living within these walls of my condominium hiding from everyone because I feel like I am being judged is not how I was meant to live my life. I always masked the pain of being insecure by being materialistic : I always had the new phone/tech stuff... always had the new designer bag... always wore expensive watches and jewelry but... it doesn't mean anything really when I don't feel comfortable with myself, when I start hating myself for what I have become.
4. I met and fell in love with a man who accepts me for who I am. Who sees me with his heart and not just his eyes. We want to get married and have a family. There is nothing I want more than to have a child with him.
I need to be healthy for that. I can't get pregnant because my obesity has caused me to have hormonal imbalance. I am currently under medication for it but my doctor says... lose weight then we can talk about pregnancy.
Last edited by iamworthit : 07-05-2011 at 08:28 PM.