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Old 05-30-2003, 12:40 AM   #7
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Join Date: May 2002
Location: Juneau, Alaska, USA
Posts: 130


I feel like I am sending out an SOS. This week really TONS of work, no workout for the last 3 days, food is literally foraging in the kitchen for things one doesn't have to cook. Then there is the event over the weekend. I'll sleep next week.

I'm going to go off topic so I can say I entertained you. After all we are all moms. Last Saturday I had a mortifying experience
I'm too busy to post properly so will cut and paste from the email I sent to a couple of friends, and then will simply stand back for your pity:

We had play tickets. The play is Up a world premiere at Perseverance about the guy in California who attached balloons to his lawn chair and went 3 miles in the sky (real guy who did this in the 1980s character based loosely on the story). Perseverance Theater is a very well regarded regional theater, a real plus to living here in Juneau.We thought it would be fun to take the girls to a real, adult play. At first DD#2 wasnt into it so DD#1 invited her friend DD#1s friend at the last moment DD#2 decided yes, she wanted to come along. So off we went for the big night. First we went for a rare treat: Dinner at the the cool, trendy downtown restaurant.

At the theater, I took a few moments to remind the girls, especially DD#2, that this was theater, not like a movie please use the restroom because you can only go during intermission, even the tiniest bit of sound is Not Okay. We could hear the actors doing voice exercises (it is not a musical but they were doing the mi-mi-mi stuff on the stage before seating), so we also talked a lot about voice and intensity and character, etc. At one point, DD#2 seemed a tad rowdy while we were in the lobby so I had her come sit by me and DH Just sit here, you need to be still. DD#2 then says, My stomach hurts. Im thinking, Sure! The minute I reel you in and tell you to be mellow, all of a sudden your stomach hurts! Right!

We enter the theater, set is fun. We are sitting in the third row on the left side, and we have 5 seats across great seats for how the stage is set up. The play begins.

In the second scene, DD#2 gasps a little bit, leans forward and vomits what seems to be about 5 gallons of hot reeky spew onto the floor in front of us.

Then she did it a second time.

DH quickly gets her up and out of there (so much for you cant leave until intermission). Later I learned that she ralphed one more time on the way out.

Im left sitting with DD#1 and DD#1s friend. The actors are unaware and the scene is continuing. I whisper apologies to the people in front of us, but am in shock. I look behind me and everyone has their coats over their noses. I realize I need to be in the lobby. So I, too, violate the interimission law!

Well, up in the lobby DH has DD#2 outside. DD#2 feels fine, must have been something she ate. House manager is gracious: Would we like to come back tomorrow? Its clear DD#2 wont (rightly) be allowed back in. I explain that I have two 12 year olds in there, how to get them out? We determine DH will take DD#2 home, Ill go back in at the scene change, and stay for the play with DD#1 and DD#1s friend. DH will come back and pick us up.

I hear the house manager and another staff/volunteer discuss the strategy how to clean it up? It sounds like they are going to try to do something unobtrusive, getting in by the side entrance somehow. I wait by the door, listening, waiting to slip in during scene change.

Just as I open the door, the house lights go up. All is bright. Im sure I only imagined a large spotlight on myself. The house manager makes an announcement that someone was sick, must clean up, sorry for inconvenience. The PLAY WAS STOPPED WHILE THE STAFF CLEANED UP MY DAUGHTERS SPEW.

The entire audience watched me take my seat. I wanted to melt into the floor. I could hear the audience, sounded like buzz buzz buzz PUKE buzz buzz buzz OH My God buzz buzz buzz SICK buzz buzz buzz. I wanted to leave but wait, DH was LONG GONE with the car. It took the staff THREE PASSES with towels to get it all cleaned up. (Me on pass #1: Could I borrow a corner of that towel to clean off my shoe? Thanks, Im SO sorry.) At LEAST ten minutes of bright house lights and all eyes on the cleanup production. It felt like 10 hours.

People were gracious and did ask if DD#2 was okay. A woman I know offered a ride home for me and the 12 year olds, which I accepted. The actors carried on and the play was good. And this is the last time you will ever hear from me because my next move in life is to enter the Witness Protection Program.

The phone rang the next day, it was Perseverance Theater. She said she was calling "About A---." My heart stopped, how did they even know her name? False alarm, they wanted to see if she was going to be in their summer theater arts program (she has done it in the past so they wanted to know if she would be signing up). I did not share with the woman on the phone that DD#2 was an, er, CONTRIBUTOR to the current mainstage play.

This would be the post Tarantino flashback, shown out of sequence for ironic effect: The family is smiling, happy, ready to see the play. They have had a wonderful meal, all are looking forward to the rest of the evening. The parents feel a tad progressive taking their kids to an intellectual adult venue. The mom takes out her cell phone and turns it off, ever mindful of being a good audience member. She leans to the dad and comments, "Would I just DIE if my CELL PHONE ever rang during a play? I think I would perish of embarrassment." They smile and shake their heads, there are people out there who would be that clueless. They smile looking forward to the five of them seeing the play...

Roll credits.

I look forward to rejoining the world of health and fitness soon--
Better to aim at the stars and hit the fencepost, than aim at the fencepost and hit the ground. However, it is SUPREMELY better to aim at the stars and hit a STAR!
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