Being tired of missing out on so many things and hiding myself away, wasting my life.
My ex-boyfriend is still a good friend and lives quite far away from me, and when we met up recently I wasn't able to get my seat belt done up in his car. We moved the seat, he was pulling on the belt and it just wouldn't fit, and I wanted to die, I felt so humiliated. That same day we had to go up 6 big flights of stairs (?!) where we were staying and I had to keep stopping because I couldn't breathe. He was trying to be nice and wait for me but I wanted him to carry on without me and not see me like that. It was too much humiliation for one day. He now has a new girlfriend, (who is thin and very outgoing), and I felt too disgusted and ashamed of myself to see her.
I either shut myself away at home, or I make myself go out and do things and there is always something to make me wish I hadn't gone, like someone shouting something at me or that I find myself struggling to keep up with friends. This has been the final straw for me. I am done with feeling this way. I want to feel better about myself and be able to hold my head up high, for me.