[happiness]

You guys,

I feel so sad. I was just over at my boyfriends house when he went through his emails with me. He wanted to show me some funny fraud emails (people trying to get money via western union).

Anyway, I saw a folder that he made for a dating site. I asked him what it was. He said that he signed up years ago before we even met. However, I noticed that two of the emails had yesterday's date on it.

He accused me of receiving emails myself on Plenty of Fish (another dating site). I told him that I haven't logged in, in months. My profile even says that i have met the man of my dreams and POF does work and good luck with everybody out there.

We officially started dating on 11th December 2010.

He said that he only received messages and that it wasn't cheating, even though he updated his details yesterday. I asked him to see the emails. He then told me that he did reply, but it didn't mean anything. He was reluctant but then show me. I think he forgot that it was that flirtageous. In the email he flirts and tell the lady which sent him a message that she doesn't live far, and that he can jog over to meet her. The email was longer than this message and it was just flirt flirt flirt...

I was so shocked when I read that. I grabbed my handbag and through the tears I found my way to my car and drove home.

He didn't follow me. Just down the stairs in his house, but not past the door.

I deleted him from my Facebook, my skype and then i deleted his phone number.

Oh please help. Has this ever happened to you? Please share. How did you get through this. It hurts so much! But at the same time I am so angry when I think of the words he wrote.

[CrystalZ10]

You poor thing! I'm glad you found out now. He probably would have strung you along for months without telling you a thing!
Its gonna hurt and you just need to cry and grieve over this loss. Do you have any friends you can seek out right now?

[JohnP]

First you have to stop thinking about it. Your brain doesn't know what is real and what is imagined. Give yourself a time limit per day that you will allow yourself to think about it and stick with that.

Second, get back in the dating saddle.

[krampus]

For what it's worth, I still update my OKCupid profile from time to time and read messages despite having been in a monogamous relationship for 4 1/2 years. I'm not wired for monogamy and I have a history of compulsive cheating on past exes so this is a big improvement for me. Sometimes e-flirting satisfies that little "play the field" urge and is harmless. But in your case it sounds like he was looking for more.

What JohnP said. Have a cry in the shower, seek out girlfriends for immediate emotional support, try as best you can not to stay focused on it because thinking about it all the time won't fix a damn thing.

[msbabygurl313]

I'm sorry to hear that hun!!! Keep your head up!!!! Some guys can be such buttholes....but I'm sure you are a diva!!! just keep up with your weight loss and move on to the next one!!!!

[hatgirlie]

Good riddance to bad rubbish! Keep walking and don't look back. I've been with lying cheaters most of my life. Generally speaking, they don't change. I'm married to a chronic habitual pathological liar/cheater...over thirty years...a waste of my life...wish I got out at the beginning. Now I just feel stuck. I guess I'm no one to be giving advise on this topic because I've done nothing but make a zillion mistakes. I just don't want you to end up where I am now. NEVER stay with a lying cheat. It's not worth staying with anyone who you can't trust. Keep walking, Hon. Don't stop until you find your Prince. I'm stuck with a real toad.

[happiness]

Thank you CrystalZ for your support. When I got into my car I cried as hard as I could. I don't know many people here, but will call a friend tomorrow.

I tried to call him when I got home (I live 45min away from him) because I wanted to know why. I also wanted to ask him if he still doesn't consider it cheating. He said that receiving messages are not cheating, but that was before he admitted sending any.

He didn't answer his phone but sent me a text message saying that i will never hear his voice again and asking why I want to talk to a 'unfaithful *******'. He then said that I should be happy, being far away from him.

It hurst me even more that he doesn't try to make this right. If he came to me saying that it was a mistake, I think I would have felt better. But his attitude of 'stay away, I am the *******' is not helping. It is as if he is trying to play the victim.

I am so sad. How could he.

[happiness]

Thank you Hatgirl. I needed to hear that so much. Thank you.

[krampus]

He sounds like a coward - a man-baby and not a real man. You don't need such people in your life - a real man would stand up, admit fault, and not act like a passive aggressive 13 year old.

It hurts and it sucks that you won't get the answers, but him telling you not to talk to him again is a pretty telltale sign that he's a waste of oxygen and an unnecessary (soon to be ex-) part of your life.

[happiness]

Thank you krampus. Thank you.

[sacha]

I won't lie, you will probably never get over it, the betrayal. It's awful to feel 'duped' and it's not forgettable.

Since you started dating him about what, 4-5 months ago? Unfortunately it's around that time that you go from honeymoon phase to seeing the real person, and it's clear that he's just not a good person. No actual empathy even though he knows he's a jerk. A serial cheat. Distract, distract, no contact, make plans with girl friends.

[badassey]

It sounds like he's playing passive-aggressive (one of the deadliest games in dating).

He sent messages to people he should not have been sending messages to. You (being the smart girl you are) left. And now he's making YOU feel bad? Yuck. That has passive aggressive written all over it. You do not have to apologize. He messed up. You should not feel bad. In my long line of bad/abusive/passive aggressive relationships... if a man does not follow you when you leave... it means he does not want to follow you - period. I don't want to seem harsh but I just do not want you to feel bad about sticking up for yourself. You are amazing. And wonderful. You deserve better.

He is a jerk for making you feel bad after what he did. If he accused you of sending emails to other men he obviously felt like it was wrong... what gives him the right to do it, then? And then to say something like "you'll never hear my voice again because I'm an unfaithful a#*hole" - He's punishing you for his screw up? He is incredibly passive aggressive.

I am so sorry that happened. But just be happy you learned now who he is and what he's all about now instead of years down the road. Get away from him. He seems yucky. You're amazing and you deserve so much better!

[DrivenByAmbition]

I found messages an ex was receiving from one of his exes... Needless to say we didn't last long and both started dating other people a few years later.

Guess who's married and guess who's not? Just don't give up, you never know when you will run into the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with.

[Dorian5]

Definitely passive aggressive -- and NOT worth it! There are nice guys out there and you DESERVE one!

If I was you, I wouldn't make another move to contact him. Quit him COLD TURKEY and go buy yourself something really awesome to wear, or perfume, or jewelry.

When I get rid of crappy guys I have the habit of dying my hair another color or chopping it off.

You are -wonderful- and he sucks, and you just need to surround yourself with people who will tell you how wonderful you are in case you start to doubt it!

[DrivenByAmbition]

Originally Posted by Dorian5

When I get rid of crappy guys I have the habit of dying my hair another color or chopping it off.

That's what I did as well... Sometimes you just need something new.