What is going on with women and their friendships?? - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

fitness4life · 04-10-2011, 04:37 PM

Recently, I had to let a friend go. There's no term for it that I know of, but it was kind of like breaking up with my female friend (I am also female).

My other good friend had a similar situation and broke up with another friend.

A third good friend of mine has broken up with a friend of hers as well.

We are all age 40 or so. All of our situations resulted from broken trust, petty gossip and complete b.s. All of us think we are too old for this carp and tried to keep the former friends at an arms lenght away and when they resisted the distance, we all had to confront them and end the friendship.

These are three totally unrelated friendships with three totally unrelated people.

So what is it? Our age? The season (spring is horrible here)? Anyone else have to break up with a friend?

sacha · 04-10-2011, 04:50 PM

It's probably your age. 40 is often a time where people realize there's no need to keep toxic people in your life, just to have them there.

I've broken up with a friend, I did it when we were around 24 and she still tries to contact me to this day once a year. The last time I saw her, I said if she no-showed again that our friendship was over. I was true to that. And it's been many years since.

lilmomma2011 · 04-10-2011, 05:16 PM

I don't know if it is age related? Or could it be related to the fact that we are getting our bodies in shape and our minds are following? We are getting rid of unhealthy foods and maybe that helps us recognize other areas in our lives that are unhealthy also.

Just a thought.

I am not 40 and have recently went through the same thing. I "broke up" with my best friend of 8 years about 2 months ago. She was toxic for me, very unhealthy. I realized I was keeping her around for the wrong reasons. I didn't want to be alone being the main one. Now to her credit she was ALWAYS there for me when I needed her to be, but I would always here about it and so would a number of our other friends. At first I was very sad, but I have grown to accept that she was in my life for a season and reason. I don't have any mean or bad words toward her, im just done with it. I wish her the best tho.

MonicaM · 04-10-2011, 05:18 PM

I am in my 50s and have several former friends that I keep my distance with now. I have not confronted any of them, as that is not my style because I hate confrontation. I agree with Sasha; no need to spend the time and energy with toxic people.

mystyblue85 · 04-10-2011, 05:29 PM

I think that age is part of it and emotional growth is another part. I am 26 and I have had to let go many of my childhood friends and I am starting to let go of some of my adult friends as well. I let go of my childhood friends because we were travelling different paths and we didnt know how to maintain a friendship with differences. We were so much alike for so long that when we branched out to pursue individual differences, it was too much for our friendship to handle. we still talk sometimes and we still "check in" with each other a few times a year, but thats it.
I am realizing with my adult friends that we have different standards of living that has caused them to think that I think im "too good" and i think that they are "not good enough". its sad because there is a lot of love between us, but they are still man-hopping and clubbing and focused on superficial pursuits while i am working towards a more positive future for myself, my children and my husband. I feel like ive grown up and they havent.
I truly believe that some relationships r meant to last and others are there to satisfy a need for a while. Do not be too saddened by your loss. God will overflow what is now empty.

Eliana · 04-10-2011, 05:32 PM

I have two very close friends and we have weathered many storms together. Our personalities have changed over the years, and sometimes we clash. But we either work through our differences or ignore them, accepting each other for who we are. For us, thankfully, that works. Friendships are tough though.

This reminds me of a dear friendship I lost in college. My best friend and I were so close! Then one day I got the "break up" speech complete with "I met another woman I have more in common with" and "It's not you, it's me". It turns out she was a lesbian! Who knew? I still miss her. We could have been friends still had I known...but she broke up with me.

Very, very strange.

krampus · 04-10-2011, 11:42 PM

What?! That's wild Eliana; sounds like you were filling a niche in her life that was totally different from what you thought it was.

I'm only 24 and I moved clear across the world 3 years ago, so a lot of my friendships have dwindled and waned. I am a rabid Facebook addict and so I keep fairly up to date on goings-on. I can tell that when I move back this summer there will be a lot of people I have simply lost interest or common ground with, but since it's been so long there will probably be no breakup necessary.

It really hurts when a friend drops you without saying a word, though. In the case of "I can't control my feelings for you so we can't just be friends" I understand the falling-off-the-face-of-the-earth approach, but with girlfriends it is excruciating!

sarahyu · 04-11-2011, 04:31 PM

I think it may be just that we realize that life is too short to be bothered with annoying or toxic people in our lives. I've had a couple friends who I released. I didn't tell them "hey, you aren't my friend anymore." More distancing myself from their soap opera lives and negativety.

Txalupa · 04-11-2011, 06:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sarahyu

I think it may be just that we realize that life is too short to be bothered with annoying or toxic people in our lives. I've had a couple friends who I released. I didn't tell them "hey, you aren't my friend anymore." More distancing myself from their soap opera lives and negativety.

This! Exactly this. I instinctively drift away from people who are perpetually negative. I'm not talking about true friends who are going through hard times, but people who generally never have good things to say or just hate the world.

I don't have enough time or resources to stay current with all the people I love, let alone people who are toxic.

oodlesofnoodles · 04-11-2011, 06:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sarahyu

I think it may be just that we realize that life is too short to be bothered with annoying or toxic people in our lives. I've had a couple friends who I released. I didn't tell them "hey, you aren't my friend anymore." More distancing myself from their soap opera lives and negativety.

Exactly. You just get to the point where you don't want to surround yourself with people that make you feel like crap.

I'm going through this with my supposed "best friend." It's a shame, because we've known each other since we were 5. We're just very different people though, and if she's ever in a bad mood she takes it out on me. It breaks me heart that she thinks it's OK to treat me that like, because I would never do that to her. *shrug* It's life I guess.