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Old 03-10-2011, 08:13 PM   #1  
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I realized something this morning. I am not a moderation person. My husband is always telling me you can eat anything in moderation. It seems everyone is always talking moderation. So I try that & I fail. Then I get mad at myself and think I'm a failure. I am unable to do anything in moderation! When I smoked I smoked 1 1/2 packs + a day. When I go out drinking with friends I get drunk. I started an exercise regime I have to go right for 40 + minutes....so I can't have the candy, potato chips, and fast food....I can't eat them in moderation. I can't eat them like a normal person. I can't eat them at all!

Not eating them at all will be hard at first. Just like when I quit smoking that was hard...but I don't need them. They don't bring anything good to my life and just like smoking will turn to disease THEY also have the capacity to kill me and make my quality of life not what I want.

Honestly, this realization has caused me to feel as if a weight has lifted off my shoulders. I'm ok and this is something I can do.....baby steps.
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Old 03-10-2011, 08:31 PM   #2  
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WTG for realizing what you need to do! Good luck on your journey. You're off to a great start, it's all about figuring out what works for you.
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Old 03-10-2011, 09:13 PM   #3  
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I guess as long as those things are the ONLY reason you gained weight, just plain old never eating them again might work??? I don't want to be a negative nelly, i just worry that those foods still EXIST in the world right, and when your will power evaporates, even for a few minutes as it does for all of us on occasion, do you have coping mechanisms lined up to deal with those times? I always thinks it's easier to work on our response to things than to pretend they don't exist in the first place.
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Old 03-10-2011, 09:17 PM   #4  
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My thoughts?

After I read David Kessler's "The End of Overeating," I realized that in many ways learning moderation is a myth. Not that moderation doesn't exist, but learning moderation is a very complex skill - so complex that abstinence is very often easier than moderation. And at the very least, moderation is more about finding tools to abstain most of the time (for example never buying icecream, but occasionally going out for an ice cream, perhaps once a month. Perhaps twice a year).

We understand and accept abstinence with some things. Alcohol, illegal drugs, gambling, even prescription drugs (we don't generally condemn a person who rejects all prescription meds because they had a problem with one).

But when we accept total abstinence as a viable choice for some moderation problems, it's not as acceptable when it comes to food. We say that abstinence is impossible because one cannot abstain from food, but that's not true because food-addiction is almost never out-of-control behavior with all foods. The foods that are prone to moderation-issues are food with very particular properties (drug-like properties) and they're properties that can be avoided without any risk of malnutrition.

You could just as easily say that abstainence for a "spending addiction" is
impossible, because one must spend money to live. But that's not what we mean. We understand that a person with a shopping addiction, may have to avoid recreational shopping. But we can't accept abstainence from recreational eating, because it's the national pastime. Avoiding the mall may be unusual, but avoiding food-for-fun, why it's just plain un-American (and I'm not saying healthy food can't be enjoyed. I'm talking about foods with little to no redeeming nutritional value, for which "fun" is the primary and virtually only perk to the food).


Food addiction, is generally carb-addiction. In fact, it's usually the carb and flavor combination that Kessler describes in his book. Foods that contain the fat/salt/carb combination.

Processed carbs, simple carbs, and short-chain carbs (carbs that either are sugar, or break down easily into sugar) are the most addictive. And there's no dietary risk whatsoever to abstaining 100% from these foods.

And yet, people will still tell you that you can't or shouldn't do it. How can you enjoy the holidays without cookies? How can you celebrate your birthday without cake? How can you offend the giver by not eating their lovely food gifts? You should learn moderation.

Of course it's difficult to abstain from these foods, because they do "feel good" (temporarily) but also because the drug isn't stigmatized and almost anyone can become a drug pusher, even grandma. And boy howdy, do they push. "Just one," "you deserve a break" "but they're so good," "I made them just for you," "you're no fun," even "I'll be offended/hurt if you don't at least try one."

In that regard, streetcorner drug pushers could take lessons from grandmas - because no one fights dirtier than Grandma when it comes to getting you to give in.


Of course, not many people would be persuaded by a drug dealer trying to guilt them into indulging because of the poor drug-deprived people living in China.



I firmly believe that the majority of overweight and obesity issues are a result of the ways in which our culture influences not only eating habits, but also dieting habits. We're "taught" to diet in ways that don't work permanently.

The secret of weight loss "success" always seems to boil down to some type of unlearning. You've got to become willing to "break" some of our cultures most hallowed food customes.



It is not sacrilege to say "no" even if it is to your sweet Grandma.

Last edited by kaplods; 03-10-2011 at 09:26 PM.
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Old 03-10-2011, 09:25 PM   #5  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Trazey34 View Post
I always thinks it's easier to work on our response to things than to pretend they don't exist in the first place.

Avoiding quickly digesting carbs, isn't any different than any other kind of abstinence. If a person with any kind of control issue has friends and family that still have the same issues, they also cannot avoid every situation in which the substance/behavior is present or available. We expect an alcoholic to be able to turn down a glass of wine at a Christmas party, but turning down a brownie is impossible? Reallly?


Abstinence doesn't mean pretending that a thing doesn't exist. A person with a spending problem who avoids malls, isn't accused of pretending that malls don't exist. The gambler who avoids casinos is not pretending gambling doesn't exist. The sex addict who avoids prostitutes, is not pretending sex doesn't exist. The alcoholic turning down a glass of wine, isn't accused of pretending alcohol doesn't exist.

It's only when a person decides to abstain from foods, are these accusations made. Abstinence (whether or not one has a control problem) is acceptable in virtually all other areas of your life. If you want to give up anything else, permanently or temporarily, whether it be malls to lottery tickets, it's usually seen as a legitimate choice, but if you want to give up quickly digesting carbs, suddenly you're an ostrich with its head in the sand.

I think it's only our assumption that these foods are unavoidable, that makes them so. It's because of the assumption that any reasonable person should be able to learn maintenance, that we discourage abstinence.

"Learning moderation" was once the tactic that was taken with alcohol - for the same reasons "You can't avoid it, so you must learn moderation." We learned that isn't true. You can't (or at one time in history couldn't) avoid alcohol and cigarettes, but that doesn't mean abstinence is impossible or undesireable.

We see how well "learning moderation" did with alcohol (moderation is almost never encouraged as a treatment strategy any more). I think it's only a matter of time before we realize that moderation with uber-high GI/GL carbohydrates may be every bit as impractical. Possible for some, but not for many (maybe not for most).

Last edited by kaplods; 03-10-2011 at 09:40 PM.
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Old 03-10-2011, 09:35 PM   #6  
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hmm that's interesting... I guess I've dealt with too many patients in my clinic who claim a food addiction, only to break that addiction (usually to a sweet) by abstaining from it and succeeding up to a point. What invariably happens is that that addictive behaviour is transferred to something else, which more or less negates the thought that that one specific item was an addiction in the first place, if you get my meaning. The 'behaviour' of eating that item was the lure, the thrill, the satisfaction, not the actual piece of food in and of itself.

I've read the literature as well, and it depends on what school of thought you want to believe, which evidence is more compelling to you. For myself, I can't and won't blame my morbid obesity on carbs, my penchant for gorging myself is what did it, not evil sugar they slip into my food. I knew it was there and I loved it and wanted it because I was very self-indulgent. I was not addicted to the food, I was addicted to the fun of it, the spoiling of myself, the thrill of having bags and bags of the stuff around me whenever i wanted and in any quantity I wanted. That was all me, and obviously I can only speak with any degree of certainty about my OWN experiences.

I would never suggest to eat candy bars in moderation while you're trying to lose weight that's silly, but I think it's really dangerous to go into a new life with a mantra of "Chocolate bars are forbidden to me for the rest of my life" because that opens up an entirely different can of worms. Yes we can live without them, but few of us do.

I'm more a fan of working thru mental issues and age-old behaviour patterns and kicking the crap out of them then just planning on ignoring or abstaining from entire food groups for the rest of my life. I want to NOT eat something because I WANT TO NOT EAT it because it won't benefit me, I don't need it, I don't want it. I don't want to fear food, that's why I did so much therapy myself. I can't have that fight every single day for the rest of my life. I couldn't live that way.

Let's see.... that's my 2 cents, twice, so i'm up to 4 cents worth of blah blah blah now LOL

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Old 03-10-2011, 09:51 PM   #7  
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Trazey, I understand your thoughts...I know there are likely issues that need dealt with also..and you bring up great points! But I agree with kaplods. No one would have advised me to smoke in moderation because (in my family & work) it is everywhere. But people think nothing of telling people it is ok to "learn" to eat that sugar loaded nutrional zero candy bar (or my weakness gummy bears...bag a day sometimes gummy bears) in moderation. LOL I can't eat my weaknesses in moderation..I can't. I think abstaining, period, is the only way I will be successful...I am still an addict to smoking..I fully believe if I take a puff I will once again be a pack + a day smoker..so obviously I do have addiction issues to work with....

I have never looked at my eating in this way before and kaplods you have given me even more points that support they way I am feeling and make me think I may be onto something (for me)! Thank you! I hope I am successful in this because nothing else is working!
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Old 03-10-2011, 10:07 PM   #8  
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I know I'm giving far more than two cents here, but the science is amazing, and fascinating. Some foods are far more like drugs than we've given them credit for. We acknowledge that most people can use many drugs in moderation, but some people cannot, but somehow saying the same about food is seen as conroversial.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Trazey34 View Post
hmm that's interesting... I guess I've dealt with too many patients in my clinic who claim a food addiction, only to break that addiction (usually to a sweet) by abstaining from it and succeeding up to a point. What invariably happens is that that addictive behaviour is transferred to something else, which more or less negates the thought that that one specific item was an addiction in the first place, if you get my meaning. The 'behaviour' of eating that item was the lure, the thrill, the satisfaction, not the actual piece of food in and of itself.
This doesn't at all contraindicate addiction, in fact quite the reverse. Most of my education and career (B.A. and M.A. in behavioral psych and developmental psych respectively) I've worked in fields associated with substance abuse treatment, law enforcement, and mental health and social services, and in my education and experience, crossaddiction is extremely common, especially during the transition from use to abstinence. When an alcoholic gives up alcohol, their risk for addiction transference to another substance or behavior is greatly increased, but no one says that an alcoholic who takes up eating, smoking, gambling or risk-taking behavior when they begin alcohol abstinence, must not have actually had a problem with alcohol. Rather the propensity for addiction, increased the potential for multiple-addiction. And withdrawal from one substance puts a person at far greater risk for seeking out behaviors that will illicit similar effects in the body and brain.


Often now, treatment actually encourages people to find healthier and and more socially acceptable ways to trigger the same brain chemistry. When I was a probation officer, I had a probation client who took up sky-diving, and because it is a legal activity, everyone was all for it. Still an "addiction" but a healthier one.

It's why probation and substance abouse treatment now encourages people to meet their needs for novelty, excitement and other stimulation - "the lure, the thrill, the satisfaction" as you put it, by other more socially acceptable, healthier means. They're encouraged to seek it out through participation in religion, hobbies, activity, social support... because the same brain chemicals are produced by all of these (good advice for obese people as well, though obese and overweight people avoid these for the same reasons other addicts do - shame).

The food addiction research suggests that the "pay off" for food addiction is the same for other addictions - the brain and body chemistry effects. Primarily dopamine and serotonin, but also, adrenaline, cannabinoids and other body/brain chemicals...




Quote:
Originally Posted by Trazey34 View Post
obviously I can only speak with any degree of certainty about my OWN experiences.
I also can mostly only speak from my own experiences, but "abstinence" isn't even seen as an alternative for food, where it is seen as a legitimate choice for other behaviors. I tried for decades to learn moderation, but I never considered even attempting to avoid certain foods entirely, mostly because it just never dawned on me that it was possible (virtually everyone told me it was not).

When I avoid high carb foods, my hunger is a fraction of what it is when I eat very high carb foods. There are also other negative consequences to eating a very high-carb diet for me. I see autoimmune disease symptoms return, and I start experiencing more pain flares. I feel healthiest on a relatively low-carb diet, but somehow people argue that sugar is somehow something I "must" learn to eat. That's ridiculous.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Trazey34 View Post
I think it's really dangerous to go into a new life with a mantra of "Chocolate bars are forbidden to me for the rest of my life" because that opens up an entirely different can of worms. Yes we can live without them, but few of us do.
It's also dangerous for an alcoholic to go into a new life with a mantra of "beer is forbidden me for the rest of my life" because that also opens up an entirely different can of worms.

Few of us can live without unhealthy foods, because we're taught that we can't live without them - or at least we can't live enjoyably without them. With that assumption, we make it a self-fulfilling prophecy.


There is a distinction between food and heroine. A "slip" with abstinence has less severe consequences. I can and do slip frequently with foods I intend to abstain from. I've found that wheat causes tremendous health problems for me (if I have a large serving, my face will be fuchsia, almost like a sunburn in a few hours and will flake like a sunburn the next day. If I eat more, my skin will actually become swollen and will break out in an impetigo like rash - yellow fluid will ooze from the pores, which will become crusty and will caue intense, maddening pain and itch. The itch is almost worse than the pain, because it's so hard to avoid scratching - I'll wake in the morning with deep scratches from clawing it in my sleep).


With such an intense reaction, no sane person would suggest I not abstain from wheat, and yet it's still difficult, because wheat is everywhere (often hidden), and it's tied to such wonderful sensory and social memories.

If I were to think "good bread, cake and pasta are forbidden me for the rest of my life," it makes a day or two of icky skin and some joint pain seem like a small price to pay for a wonderful piece of crusty italian bread.

Abstinence makes a better choice for me, but I don't plan it forever. I plan it for today, and only today (just like everyone else on any abstinence plan - it's not forever, it's just for today, and I'll deal with tomorrow when it gets here).

Abstincence is always short-term. You never look ten years down the line, you take it one day at a time, and if you slip, you continue to take it one day at a time.

I've only been able to lose weight and keep it off, by intending abstincence from foods that I have difficulty eating in moderation. When it comes to carbs, and even wheat, I slip sometimes, but I don't beat myself up, I just get back to avoiding them.

For me, it's far easier to intend to eat "none today" than to intentionally eat some, but not more.

I'm just saying that one choice should be considered as legitimate as another. I've known problem drinkers who were able to learn moderation. More power to them, but abstinence is ok too. Whichever works best.

But often, we're not even encouraged to try abstinence with food (except for the duration of a quick diet or Lent).

There's nothing wrong with giving it a shot.

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Old 03-10-2011, 10:16 PM   #9  
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Best of luck Sunray, you find what works for YOU and you're golden!!! other people can give all the advice in the world and it matters not, only what works for you is what works for you!!

I know it's never as easy as saying "i'm never eating xyz again" and that's that; just like the recovering addicts kaploids mentions, there's constant ongoing therapy and struggle to avoid those things so I'm sending good vibes and thoughts your way that your choices works for you!

And @kaploids, I agree that all our choices are equally valid if they work for us. This weight loss journey is a buffet of choices, every day. I get on my therapy bandwagon, I can't help it LOL it's like discovering quinoa, i can't wait to share it with people!!! Losing 160 pounds (HOLY F**K) is great don't get me wrong, but my sanity over food is worth more to me than just about anything else I possess. My main concern for Sunray was her assertion at the outset that she's an 'all or nothing' personality and i know how far that got me in this journey I worry too much!!!

Okey dokey kids, that's it for reals ! LOL I'll stop being a mother hen and let folks get on with their choices!!!

i really have to stop using so many exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 03-10-2011, 10:29 PM   #10  
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You both have done tremendously well with losing weight! I only hope this is the kick I need to do as well as you are! Thank you for your opinions/different ways of looking at things!
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Old 03-10-2011, 11:04 PM   #11  
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This is such a fascinating discussion. I have to say that I am with Trazey on this, BUT, I HAD to make a big long list of absolute NO foods, and stick with it for a really long time, like more than a year, before I got to the point that I could start to figure out what was REALLY going on with me.

I was (and am) a binger-- and I'm one of those bingers who goes straight for the sugary carbs: in fact, I ate stuff that was barely even food, like cake decorating frosting straight from the tube. Yuck. Sometimes it felt like it sort of hurt to eat it, and yet "I couldn't control myself..."

So I quit, cold turkey, and stuck to it 100% for over a year. That's when I realized something really important. On every other weight loss attempt, I had always tried to substitute lo-cal or no-cal alternatives for the "bad food"... when I got that uncontrollable urge that I had to eat something, I would eat something "diet" which never quite cut it. Eventually, I end up not being able to fight the cravings any more. So this time, I trained myself to wait out the cravings. It was really horribly painful. I would get this fidgety empty feeling inside. That feeling had nothing to do with hunger-- it was more like trying to break a very very bad habit, almost an OCD like compulsion.

And I haven't broken the habit entirely. I have become a marathon gum chewer, and when I'm really tense, I substitute gum for what would have been jelly beans or junior mints in the past. Also, sometimes I eat raw flax seeds (I know, weird...) by the spoonful straight out of the bag.

So slowly, over time, I've come to understand that the problem is the behavior. I developed a coping strategy of eating when I was nervous or anxious and it took on a very compulsive quality.

I still have not perfected it, but I am much more able now to separate myself from the urge and realize that I'm reacting to a feeling by engaging in a deeply ingrained behavior...

A lot of the time, I do really well. Sometimes, I chain chew gum and eat flax seeds... Occasionally, I just crack and start doing the old thing.

So, that's a long way of saying that you may find it helpful to ban those foods entirely and not try to eat them in moderation. I think I absolutely had to do that in order to get enough distance to be able to break the cycle.
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Old 03-11-2011, 06:48 AM   #12  
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I also think this discussion is really fascinating! Sunray, I am just like you. All or nothing! And amazingly to me, I am really torn between Trazey and Kaplods' approach to this. On the one hand, I think it was really wise for me to abstain from stuff that I have figured out to be my trigger foods (mostly the fat/carb combo). Doing that has really helped me realize that it is possible to eat healthily (and heartily) and not be white-knuckle starving the entire way. That has been THE difference for me.

But with a nod to Trazey, I have also found that at Christmas time, I was able to eat a 7-layer bar my aunt made, order popcorn at the movies, and eat a full Christmas dinner and not totally derail myself. I had some cravings for a couple days after that week or so of indulgences, and was willing to accept the cravings for the experience. And I was able to get right back to it.

The slippery slope for me, and one that I will have to constantly stay vigilant about if I am to continue flirting with these choices in this way, is that if I don't get RIGHT back to it and let one day of it lead to the next, then I am screwed and will be right back to my old ways in the blink of an eye. So I am still frightened to do this with any regularity, as well I should be IMHO. I'm talking a couple times a year, max, with LOTS and LOTS of attempting to abstain in between. (Edit to highlight attempting, as I do stray at times. I'm talking about planned, all out splurges.)

Good luck to you, Sunray, and thank you SO MUCH for the discussion, ladies!

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Old 03-11-2011, 08:25 AM   #13  
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"In that regard, streetcorner drug pushers could take lessons from grandmas - because no one fights dirtier than Grandma when it comes to getting you to give in."

Omg...so true! Lol. My granny moved in with us 10 years ago so I could care for her. She's forever pushing food at me. She's 110 pounds, 90 years old, and her main food group is sugar. She's always "Here, have just a bite of this, one bite isn't going to hurt you." ....while she holds a chocolate bar to my lips. Seriously...I'm not exaggerating. Thankfully, I'm stronger than I've ever been to saying no to junk food. Haven't had any junk for over 10 months and the longer I go without that crap, the easier it gets to say no to it. Nine months ago, she might have lost a finger holding that chocolate up to my mouth, lmao.
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Old 03-11-2011, 09:54 AM   #14  
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I slept on it, and was so curious to see what everyone else is experiencing. This IS SUCH an interesting thread, I love reading all the opinions!!! I want to know more about how people deal with abstaining from everything. Like alcoholics who give up liquor there’s a lot of hard work behind it, working the A.A. steps, therapy to overcome addiction etc., and I wanted to know what goes into the abstaining of food?

If it were simply a matter of saying “I will never eat junk food again” then we’d ALL be 110 pounds LOL And if it’s just sheer will power, well that can last for a while but not forever. So I’m interested in the mechanisms and coping strategies people employ in order to abstain from what they consider a drug to them, and how it works long term and what kind of success those who have done it for a long time have had?? I know it’s just empirical data but I’m really curious and interested!!!
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Old 03-11-2011, 09:59 AM   #15  
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I'm not either but the good news is you don't have to be to lose weight.

Actually, I find creating my own diet is really the best thing for me. Right now I'm not in strict dieting exercise mode because I'm stuck with the in-laws until the beginning of next week and don't have 100% control over my food AND I'm actually not allowed to exercise at the moment.

That being said, when I do go into 100% diet mode I do NO sugar, no fried foods, no pop, no alcohol and low carb (but I still eat bread sometimes and pasta but I go for whole wheat). That works really well for me as long as I stick to that like glue (I didn't even need to count calories with that and I lost well) but once I start falling back on my rules I can slip up very easily.
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