[racrane]

I'm kinda new here, but I have a question that's been bugging me. It has to do with the fact that my boyfriend and I love to eat out, eat in, eat period. I don't eat *quite* as much as he does, but I still eat unhealthy. I don't live with my boyfriend yet, but we typically see each other on the weekends. I feel like all my hard work during the week is undone by all my yucky eating. I really want to lose the weight that I gained (when I went out with him). I'm worried that if we get married after college I'll eat like a pig all the time. Anyone have advice/tips? It's something that frustrates me a great deal. I feel like if I kept up eating healthy when I was with him I'd feel much better.

[cherbear]

I used to (in my head) compete with my husband on eating. I'd think to myself... Well, if he can eat that, so can I.

What I didn't think of then was that he needed a third more calories than I do. I've tried to re-do my thinking, and now I'm proud of myself for eating less than he does. I deliberately give him the bigger portion, or I make it a contest of eating less than he does.

It was a tough thing to wrap my head around. Still is, sometimes.

Good luck!

[Razorbackbritt]

When we go out, we share an entree and each get a salad. Better for both of us. We make it kinda fun....we each pick two things we would like to get and the other person picks the one that sounds the best, then we flip a coin for who gets to order.

[beerab]

How about cooking meals together? You don't have to eat out each meal with each other

Obviously when you move in together you won't do that but no time like the present to practice cooking together

Also for snacks make them healthy- watermelon, grapes, etc. My hubby acts like he doesn't like healthy stuff but if I put out a plate of grapes I guarantee he munches on them!

[aimeebell]

I stay at my boyfriend's house on the weekends. His house is void of anything healthy to eat. In fact, it hardly has anything to eat at all LOL I bring my own fruit, yogurt, energy bars, nuts. I tend to keep breakfast and lunch my light foods from home on Saturday, so when we go out to dinner I have some extra calories to play with. I calorie cycle, so if I was 100 calories under on Tuesday, and 100 calories under on Thursday, I can have a higher calorie day on Saturday. I don't order an appetizer, calorie-ridden drink, or dessert and stick to one slice of bread from the basket, but usually have a normal but somewhat sensible entree, i.e. no 16 oz ribeye. Saturday was Macaroni Grill Shrimp Portofino 780, delicious, well-worth it, accounted for, fit in my plan, calories.
He has always made us Sunday breakfast. I still eat it, I just have one plain waffle, one slice of bacon, one link of sausage, and a eyeball a 1/4 cup of hashbrowns.
It is probably odd, but I haven't even told him I am dieting. I don't talk about weight to anyone but my best friend, especially not men! LOL

[Dusti]

I eat very differently than my husband, he orders all the carbs and I don't. I had to change my frame of mind regarding food to make it easier when we go out to eat. I remind myself that food is essentially for survival purposes and it is our minds that put comfort into it. This works for me and I am able to stay on plan when we go out. In the past if I had some of my 'old' food, I find I didn't enjoy it as much as I used to, like it doesn't taste as good. Not to mention, I watch myself everyday and will have to for the rest of my life, like a recovering addict. So I know what pigging out and eating inappropriately will make me feel like the next day and that reminder stops me from doing it too. I think as we go on with the weight loss our will power gets stronger. I know mine has. Good luck to you.

[krampus]

I do this too. Both of us are a healthy weight and both of us have a horrible sweet tooth and are prone to eating a ton of sweets instead of a meal. It's much easier when he comes over to my place though, since I can fix him a big bowl of pasta and have some veggies and chicken for myself.

[Ashley829]

I have this issue as well. My husband and I both lost a lot of weight while he was deployed this past year, now that he's home he's been eating terribly. Usually when we are together I get into the same bad habits, I eat the bad appetizers, I go get ice cream with him, I get the bad fast food meals, but I finally got to the point where I want to stay at this weight and don't want to gain and want to live healthy for myself so I don't give in anymore to the temptations even when it's sitting in front of him. We are a bit different because he wants to be healthy too so I let him know if what he is eating is bad.

A lot of restaurants are starting to have healthier choices though and that helps. I always order off the low cal/fit menu items and only eat half. If my husband gets fries or boneless wings I still let myself have like 2 wings and 5 fries, but I have to limit myself to that and then I don't feel bad about it. If he gets ice cream, I grab a skinny cow ice cream sandwich. When he wants burger and fries I get a grilled chicken sandwich (take off half the bun) and a side salad. Something that will help, if you are eating out, plan ahead of time what you will get and what you will allow yourself to eat. Look online at nutrition info and decide what you will get, if you know your bf will get an appetizer figure out if you want to eat any of it or if you will have a small allowance, but planning on eating only 2 wings ahead of time really helps me to stop at 2.

Other ideas, if my husband wants pizza I get a whole wheat crust and he can have his cheese pizza on half and I make my own pesto, spinach, feta cheese pizza on the other half. It's less about changing how he eats and more about finding your inner strength to change yourself and to not give in to any temptations when you go out or order in. You can make healthy choices eating out or ordering in, you just have to put a little more thought into it and won't always be able to get what you want, but you will feel so much better afterwards.

[indiblue]

Shoot, I wrote a whole post about this and my internet cut out when I tried to post it.

Basically, two points:
1. My bf and I share an entree and appetizer when we eat out. I eat 1/3 of the app and 1/3 of the entree and he eats the rest. It allows me to enjoy food while maintaining portion size and not try to finish everything on my plate, which is my tendency. It also allows me not to be "that person" who orders a salad at a big night out when everyone else is enjoying splurging a bit. That's always a buzzkill for me and everyone around me, unless of course I am really really craving salad

2. How much do you include your BF in your weight loss goals? It is totally up to you based on what is most comfortable and helpful for you, but for me it's so helpful to tell my BF everything to keep me accountable. I'll ask him to help me not get seconds after dinner, to keep me on track at parties and such, and it's really really helpful. He helps me make the rational decision I want to make when my food monster inside me is trying to tell me otherwise. For some people this type of policing is not OK but for me having an ally ask me out loud "Are you sure you want to take seconds on dessert? You told me before coming here you were so happy with your weight today and wanted to stay on plan" in a supportive way is incredibly helpful.

[indiblue]

Originally Posted by Ashley829

It's less about changing how he eats and more about finding your inner strength to change yourself and to not give in to any temptations when you go out or order in. You can make healthy choices eating out or ordering in, you just have to put a little more thought into it and won't always be able to get what you want, but you will feel so much better afterwards.

I totally agree! I have never asked my bf to change his eating habits for me, even though I know if I asked he would try. Still, for long term sustainability, and to respect his own choices about food, I need to learn to stay on-plan even if he's eating food I shoudn't be touching.

[racrane]

Thanks everyone for the advice. My bf has been supportive of me through a lot so I know if I ask him to help keep me accountable, I will be okay. I just have to find the willpower now to eat healthier when I go out and to say no to the popcorn at the movies, etc. It's frustrating because I go into a restaurant with such good intentions and I walk out stuffed with rich food. But this is my "goal" this March, I think. To really eat well when I eat out. I'm determined!!

[indiblue]

I'm with you- I'll make good plans before a party, restaurant outing, etc and then falter. If I'm with my boyfriend, I'll verbally state my intentions before we go (i.e. "I will only eat veggies and 1 small treat at this party" or "I will order a salad or low-fat soup tonight") and it helps me keep on track 90% of the time. It makes it hard to order a plate of alfredo when I just told him I was going to get a salad!

[100percentME]

i work at a retail store and the other day i was talking to a co worker about dressing our boyfriends. I've bought my boyfriend a couple button up shirts, and he wears them all the time, but they aren't something he would have ever bought for himself. Shes been doing the same for her boyfriend. Slowly, without even noticing it, they start to dress the way that we want them to dress, and it doesn't upset them at all. Point of the story, i'm also doing this with food. My boyfriend and i live together now. Before he lived with me, he pretty much only ate fast food. Now he eats a lot of home cooked food (though i wouldn't say i'm the greatest cook).
He eats veggies as long as they are cooked into the food, and he doesn't even realize that his fruit smoothies only have 2 tbs of sugar (and its only real sugar because i forgot to buy splenda last time i was grocery shopping). Even if you're boyfriend doesn't need or want to lose weight, its always good to eat healthy. Pull him along with you. He won't even realize that when you come over you are bringing healthy meals with you. He will just see that his amazing girlfriend brought him dinner. Thats my advice anyway.

[Kim Raine]

Is your boyfriend over weight? Maybe yu could suggest losing a few pounds together? The thing is you need to take control of this now otherwise when you marry things may spiral out of control.

As some of the other have said try to share dishes in resturants, or suggest eating at home, resturant servings are alway so much bigger than home servings! if he won't share decide you will always leave a third of eat portion on your plate.

You have to be honest with yourself as a relationship with so much emphasis on food isn't healthy for either of you, suggest other activities like walking, ice skating or swimming, something more active.

Lastly if you want to lose a few pounds you need to exercise a little self control, make healthier choices and speak with your other half explaining what you are trying to achieve, if he loves you he will understand, well try it is difficult for men - they get away with eating so many more calories and even carrying a little extra fat!

Good luck

[pinkflower]

When I first started dating my hubby, I was about 120 lbs without even thinking about my weight ever--and by the time we got married 2.5 years later, I was about 145ish!

I sure had fun gaining that weight though, he would take me to Red Lobster, Olive Garden Cold Stone a few times a week etc.....Then we got married and I had 2 babies. I'm so so so lucky I don't over-eat or binge, because eating like I did all those years and I'd be a lot bigger. It didn't even occur to me that it would be such an issue later on

So now we've been married 8 years. He is a wonderful husband and father, and means well, but honestly, it's still a struggle. He looks at me funny if I say I can't indulge by eating out for another week or so because we just did the other day.....he gets annoyed if I say I have to pack healthy foods on a trip. He is irritated when I turn down desserts etc etc. I just have to brush it off though. He doesn't mean to not be supportive, he just doesn't realize what moderation regarding food means. It's hard though...if he does make dinner and bring it to me, he'll heap on the tator tots or dressing. I mean yeah, having a few tator tots every once in a while won't hurt me, but eating half a pound will, and it' s hard to get up and put them back. But I do it. Even though he is 6'3, it's not working well for him anymore. He has a lot of weight to drop. I constantly remind him how much shorter I am and how I can't possibly eat even 1/3 of what he eats unless I want to gain. It gets pretty tiring to just want to live a moderately healthy life and to have to constantly say no and explain myself and I"m not a fanatic either. I wish so bad that he wanted the same and just to have some support, some sense that he wants to be a little more healthy too

Anyway, the thought of being unhealthy didn't even hit me when we were dating, so if it is concerning you now, I'd say it really is time to deal with it, and it seems like you are.... I never thought I'd be struggling with it this much later. And it really is an almost constant under the surface conflict because so much of our lives-whether it's a healthy relationship or not, revolve around food. And not to mention, if we're not careful, his overeating could influence our 2 precious children.... I can't even tell you how many conversions we've had about it, but I simply can't make him stop over eating the nasty junk foods all the time