I'm sorry, this is just a weightloss journey vent of sorts, but I am really at my wits end!
I am glad that my own weightloss is spurring others to be interested in losing, but I'm really sick of the whole "how did you, what did you" questions and I when I begin to share what I'm doing, I get the brush off! And I am not offering this unless asked, btw. This has happened 6 times already! And there is always an excuse type comeback; when I give what I think is solid advice on how I overcame some of the same hurdles, yet another excuse.
How many of you are dealing/have dealt with this? How should I answer when people ask? I'm one of those people who just can't be mean but frankly, I am getting really tired of it. But then I think, what if this is the one person who really needs this and genuinely wants some help/encouragement? Are some people just fishing for a magic cure for fat? Because that is what it ends up feeling like, like they are not in reality and want me to say I stumbled across a miracle. When they hear lower calories, increase activity they retreat.
When I've been in that situation in the past, I'll just reply "Good ol' diet and exercise" Something very basic and concise.
If they show continued interest, then I'll share a bit more. Most people KNOW how to lose weight, they are just reacting in the only way they know how to your success. They are impressed and wanting to comment on it.
That keeps you from that feeling of answering a question and being frustrated because your audience isn't paying attention. If they REALLY want to know, they'll continue to dig a little until you tell them, it's human nature.
I agree with you in that most people already know what they need to do.
I guess what makes me the most frustrated is that I then see these people go off on weird fad diets and pills and injections even and they are not stupid people by any means; so why would they ask for detailed info and then do everything that goes against healthy weightloss? KWIM? One specific person asked back on 2009, I shared what they wanted to know and this person is STILL complaining about being overweight, never even attemtping to apply themselves. Like I said, these people aren't stupid, so it just doesn't make sense.
I wouldn't launch into details right away. I agree with Katy "hard work with good diet and lots of exercise..." If they immediately launch into excuses or change the subject then you didn't waste time.
I get that also now and then and most of the time people just politely nod and then make excuses and I have to say well when you are ready you know what to do.
People want a quick fix- they want you to say "I ate chocolate cookies all day and sat on my *** and BAM- the weight just CAME OFF!" I'd just ignore them if they complain lol.
I agree with you in that most people already know what they need to do.
I guess what makes me the most frustrated is that I then see these people go off on weird fad diets and pills and injections even and they are not stupid people by any means; so why would they ask for detailed info and then do everything that goes against healthy weightloss? KWIM? One specific person asked back on 2009, I shared what they wanted to know and this person is STILL complaining about being overweight, never even attemtping to apply themselves. Like I said, these people aren't stupid, so it just doesn't make sense.
Yes, I do know what you mean. One thing to remember, being heavy is usually more a symptom of a person's personality than it is anything else.
We all know that when we are at our heaviest, we are typically at our most unhealthy state emotionally. I have said so many times in the past that if I spent half the time in the gym as I spend thinking about hitting the gym, I could be a fitness model by now!
People that are in an unhealthy mindset want to talk about losing weight, because that gives them an out for not actually doing. They have a 'plan' to start Monday, try this new supplement, see a new doctor, investigate a new option, etc.
Don't let it frustrate you, let's just be thankful that we are all coming out of that mindset and actually doing something about it. It's a vicious circle when you spend your days lying to yourself about your own intentions. And an empty feeling. I always just walk away feeling a bit sad for them.
People want a quick fix- they want you to say "I ate chocolate cookies all day and sat on my *** and BAM- the weight just CAME OFF!"
Exactly!!! LOL So you've been there! Sometimes I even direct them to this site and tell them how much info they could learn on their own and you know, find what works for them. I know I have learned so much by coming here, I was at a supposed WL site before this one but there seemed to be more bodybuilder types than anything lurking on the forums and they just weren't very nice. And in terms of sympathy/empathy, there was none.
I like the whole "when you're ready, you know what to do" statement. Put the ball back in their court so to speak instead of counting on me to mention chocolate cookies! LOL
At our friends' superbowl party last Sunday, one person asked me "have you lost weight" & I said "Yes, not enough to get all Biggest Loser about it, just 10 pounds" and she said "How did you do it?" And I said, "put less in this hole (pointed to my mouth) than came out this hole" (pointed to my butt).
Yeah I've had a friend come to me over and over. Everytime we talk it's like "how much have you lost now?" and I tell her and then she just makes more excuses. Last time she said "I just DON'T know what to do!" And I looked at her and was like yeah you do, you just don't want to do it.... we are friends and have been for years and she was like yeah you are right...
CherryPie, oh how I hope I wasn't! haha I do see other people (minus this site of course) in real life who do seem to be very guarded toward others with what they divulge about their weightloss and this may be why. And too, you're doing something that is healthy and working and other people have all sorts of unconventional advice to toss in so that is another aspect of just keeping it a little bit of a mystery. Mostly, I will just say thanks, I'll check into that and leave it alone.
I'm not as upset per se about the fact that they have to get to their own level of frustration to do something about it as I am that somehow what I am sharing just isn't easy enough.
Let me preface this with I have been losing and gaining and losing and gaining ALL my life. I am annoyed with the whole thing but continue to plug away and try. Don't get me wrong I do like to help others in many ways but this is not one of them!!!!
So I always say "Alot of hard work" and I leave it at that. If they persist which is a sign they want to know what will work for them I tell them "ya know everybody is different so if I were you I would get on the internet and explore what you feel will work for you". then I am done.
Yes this is hard work but not just hard in the physical/ planning kinda way. I have done alot and I mean alot of research on different "diets" what I feel I can and can't do. To take all that work I have done and jsut give it to someone and have them blow it off. I say a big H*LL NO to that.
and now my little rant it over....
You know that's funny cuz when I say things like "I cut out a lot of carbs" I get "oh that's not good for you..."
I usually follow that with "Are you a doctor? NO? So then how do you know it's not good for me? Because I can tell you right now all my numbers are perfect and I'm 40 pounds lighter, so how is eating more vegetables and less bread and pasta bad for me?"
When I was really overweight, I'd say to myself, "I'd do ANYTHING to be thin." But then I had to admit that what really I meant was, "I'd be willing to take a free magic pill that will make me lose all my weight overnight without any effort or diet or exercise." Losing weight is hard work, and no one wants to hear that. I had to hit rock bottom, which for me was a photo of the back of me someone took at last year's Superbowl party when I had back boobs that matched my front boobs...and I never even knew that backfat was there. I don't bother giving people diet advice anymore. If they ask for it, I just ask if they've hit rock bottom yet.
I stay general about the details unless they really want more information. Most times they really don't want to know.
I had a friend who was blown away by my weight loss (we live hours apart and only see each other a couple times a year). She confided that she too was trying to lose weight, and was exercising an hour a day. I told her that was great. But then she told me she was doing exercise she hated, but refused to try any other kind, and she didn't want to eat differently.
I didn't tell her she was setting herself up for failure because she honestly didn't want to know. She didn't want to know the details of my plan, either, even though she "asked" for them. I can tell when people do this because they don't so much ask as talk at me about it. Like,"Wow, you lost so much weight! What did you do? You exercised more, didn't you? You know, I've been trying to lose weight, and I've been doing..." And so on.
I don't mean to be negative about it, but that is the way it goes 99% of the time.
You know that's funny cuz when I say things like "I cut out a lot of carbs" I get "oh that's not good for you..."
I usually follow that with "Are you a doctor? NO? So then how do you know it's not good for me? Because I can tell you right now all my numbers are perfect and I'm 40 pounds lighter, so how is eating more vegetables and less bread and pasta bad for me?"
I like that... I could just say "I'm eating more vegetables and less sugar and starch"
But mostly I just smile, shake my head and say "Oh, it's been a LOT of work..." and try to change the subject.
Not doing this anymore!!!
