Yesterday I saw an acquaintance of mine, who was always curvy and slender - always healthy looking , at a party. Now, she is stick thin, no butt, sunken in cheeks, and she thinks she looks great.
My boyfriend has always said to me: you don't need to lose anymore weight! I like your curves and I don't want you to be stick thin.
I always thought - well, he is just saying that - I will obviously look better if I am thinner!
But, last night, seeing the 'new and skinny' version of this girl - I finally saw women through my boyfriends eyes! Her weight loss did not make her look better, in fact, it had the opposite effect. I noticed that my aesthetic preferences for the perfect body are changing as I am growing older. Now I find beautiful, glowing skin, healthy hair, and rounded, proportionate curves are preferred over skinny legs that don't touch in the middle.
Btw, I am 28. Has anyone else been going through this? It sort of makes life easier....
I've been thinking about how I
see beauty as well. I like a little
curve, slender legs that don't
touch in the middle. I want a
petite frame.
Everyone perceives beauty differently.
Your acquaintance truly does see herself
as beautiful. And I'm sure she's gotten
much criticism on how thin she is.
I think people place too much importance on what others think "looks good."
What I think looks good, and what you think looks good are probably different in some aspects.
On some people, being very thin suits them. My neighbor is a runner. She runs a LOT every day. She also eats very well and eats a whole diet. Nothing processed, low-cal, sugar-free etc... She is also VERY thin. The first time I met her I had to stifle a cringe, that's how thin she appeared. I thought she HAD to have an eating disorder because there's NO WAY someone looked like that... Well, she doesn't have one. She eats around 2000-2200 calories per day, and runs. That's it.
My point is, try not to judge people so harshly. What they do with their bodies is their business. Would you want someone coming up to you and saying, "Hey! You're clearly overweight. You should stop eating so much and work out!" Or would you want your friends talking about it behind your back? It's not ok to judge someone's weight whether you perceive them as too fat or too thin. It's not you, so let it be.
This is an aesthetic question; as such, it's like debating whether the Santa Fe style or the American Arts & Crafts style of decorating is inherently better than the English country house style of decorating, or whether plum is inherently a better color than turquoise.
You're using a particular criteria to judge beauty, which you hadn't applied before. As you put it:
Quote:
"I finally saw women through my boyfriends eyes!"
That is, whether the woman is sexually appealing to your boyfriend's taste, or perhaps, appealing in general to men.
Some women don't put that as their No. 1 priority in thinking out their appearance. They may, for example, decide on elegance, or maybe a sporty look, or an athletic look, or a gamine look. Or they might take their inspiration from a particular fashion of the past, or even images of women projected by a particular artist or a famous woman whom they admire & feel they resemble. For example, what if your ideal was to look like a Vermeer? Or a Renoir? Or a Vargas girl? What if your inspiration was Audrey Hepburn? Or Marlene Dietrich? These are all beauty ideals that don't prioritize projecting contemporary sexual attractiveness, or if they do, it may not be in a way that your average guy finds instantly visually compelling.
Weight and body shape play a big part in our image of ourselves that we're trying to project. With so many personae to choose from, we're all going to be very different from each other. Which is great. I wouldn't have wanted Jayne Mansfield to try to look like Audrey Hepburn, or Christina Hendricks of "Madmen" to look like Kate Moss. But I also wouldn't have wanted the reverse, either.
Now I could be reading things wrong, but I never go the impression that the OP was intending to criticise the other girl as such. Just to say that her tastes have changed.
I personally really love that there are so many different shapes and sizes and TASTES out there. My ideal for myself is probably way skinnier than most would like, but I know I would feel pretty and that's what matters.
As for the question the OP asks - no, I actually haven't had my ideal change much, other than perhaps wanting a slightly more "toned" body than I wanted previously. Skinny fat is out!
I do think tastes change as we age...but I also think that we all share different tastes. I personally feel better being "stick" thin. I like being able to put on small jeans and not have a muffin top hanging over. I love the fact that my thighs have a space between them. Your friend probably does think she looks great--and if she is within a healthy range and feels good, then that is what is best for her. Some men prefer curves and others prefer very tiny "stick" thin women.
I just commented on this in your other thread, haha! And I'll say it again...
Quite frankly, I have been brainwashed by the media enough to have skinny = beautiful firmly planted in my head. I don't want to look like a skeleton, and I can absolutely recognize when somebody is too thin. But 99% of the time, I think a willowy delicate lithe look is more aesthetically pleasing than pleasantly plump. I wanted to be willowy waif, even at the risk of no longer being "curvy."
That said, I think it's important to point out that most guys' deifnition of "curvy" isn't the same as most women's. Most guys will say they like a curvy woman. But look at what they consider "curvy." Still a flat skinny stomach, slender legs, and overall a thin person. Just a thin person with proportionately large breasts and a booty. Women tend to think of "curvy" more along the lines of overall rounded and plumped and shapely.
Well, unless one has won the genetic jackpot or has the moolah for implants, not many women are going to fit the ideal "curvy," slim body with boobs and a butt. I certainly didn't. I got willowy, but I've never been a naturally curvy woman. My boobs were proportionately larger when I was larger, but they shrunk proportionately also. I've always had a hopelessly flat butt.
Ultimately, I agree that beauty should be determined by personal preference and radiance. My skin is healthy, my hair is shiny and thick, I have energy and confidence, and I feel good about myself. There is no single body type that will please everyone. All we can do is strive to please ourselves and be healthy.
I think for me it depends on if I'm talking about myself or another person. If it's someone else, it varies WILDLY. Like, I think Christina Hendricks is gorgeous and Ann Ward is oddly beautiful (at first I thought she was weird-looking, but it's natural and so I got over that).
For me, it's about how I feel and how I want to feel. Even if I could, I don't want to be as thin as Ann Ward - no way. But even if I could, I also don't want to be as curvy as Christina Hendricks. For myself, my ideal is to be very slender and narrow. Not bag of bones, just as small as I can healthily be.
And I agree with Eliana - I wish my ideal would change to something more average, but alas it has not. So, I'm going to try for my ideal.
Last edited by LiannaKole; 12-06-2010 at 01:57 PM.
Hasn't changed for me but I have still yet to get a laugh line, crow's foot, or grey hair.
Different people look great with different bodies, just like saef said.
From a different perspective..."Real men like curves/real women have curves" seems to be the tagline in America these days. Whether people actually believe that or are just trying to justify the country's weight problem is a mystery to me but I sort of cringe every time I hear that. Especially as a foreign woman living in Japan I hear a LOT of body-bashing of the locals going on by jealous/insecure Western women. Stuff like "they look like little boys," trash-talking the fact that the best-selling bra size here is 32A, and "men who like Asian girls are pedos" pops up again and again.
How about "real men like all types/real women come in all shapes?" I like that one better.
To the OP - let your friend be happy and keep your opinions to yourself. Even if you think she looks bad, she thinks she looks great and probably feels more confident and sexy than ever.
I do think tastes change as we age...but I also think that we all share different tastes. I personally feel better being "stick" thin. I like being able to put on small jeans and not have a muffin top hanging over. I love the fact that my thighs have a space between them. Your friend probably does think she looks great--and if she is within a healthy range and feels good, then that is what is best for her. Some men prefer curves and others prefer very tiny "stick" thin women.
ok, i don't think the difference between being curvy and having a muffin top have anything to do with eachother...i don't get where that's coming from? of course all of us know that muffin top look doesn't work on anyone. when i think either curvy or stick thin i think healthy fairly flat middle. the difference is in many other ways. some of us really are meant to be very slender.
this is really completely 2 different body types. ectomorph and mesomorph, i think. ecto is the ballerina, model types. small bust, lean and long. difficult to gain muscle and fat. meso gains muscle and fat easily, and in my case, curvy. these people have potential to be body builders.
Krampus: I certainly would never say anything to her about my opinion, that she looked better before. That is why this website is a good outlet!
And Saef: I feel like I could also put "my Mother" in place of "my Boyfriend". I really agree with the point you brought out about Christina Hendricks looks best as she is, and Kate Moss looks best as she is.
Quite personally, I don't think curvy means plump at all. And, I also don't think saying "Curvy is good" is a way to justify a weight problem.
I think I have always been brainwashed in a bad way by media images - ever since I was young and overweight I thought the only way to be pretty was to be very thin. Well, that is really hard to get to. I did it once or twice and my mom would say: Actually, I think you looked better ten pounds ago. But, I never believed her, I couldn't see it.
But over the last year, I notice that my preferences for myself and how I see others is somewhat changing. And, I find that change to be quite liberating.
Yes, I will still monitor my food intake and jog regularly - but, I'm actually seeing, at my height and weight, that I am not stick thin - but am also certainly not pleasantly plump - I look fine.
When I saw this girl - who always looked great before - look not as radiant and a bit sunken in after weight loss - something clicked inside me. It was like I was my Mother and I was looking at myself 2 years ago.
After posting this - I think I realized I don't express my thoughts in friendly-enough female writing style. I seem to come off a bit mean. I think I will just stick to writing threads about calories, that is safer! regardless- thank you for your input, it gave me a lot to think about.
How 'Looking Good' changes with age
