Thank you again so much for all the comments and answers. I had a long talk with hubby last evening after getting back from the gym and through talking about everything I realized what is really bothering me. I have told the story here before about having early onset Parkinson's disease and having had a stroke last year. Well, since I have been running and exercising, I feel like I can't let up even a little bit. I metaphorically feel as though I have a devil chasing me and if I slow up it will run right over the top of me.
I think I have been slowly undercutting my attempts to get healthier and stay that way because I have got to stay on top of things all the time or my muscles will atrophy and wither. I haven't really had anyone to talk to these issues about because I am in a family of men who just want everything to be better and don't really get the feelings side of things in general.
In the past, sugar and chocolate and fat have been my drugs of choice when I don't want to think about stuff. Now, without those to fall back on, my emotions are right on the surface, raw and sore. I was feeling so scared and lonely and sad yesterday, and the day before that, I couldn't look at any of this in prospective, no matter how I tried.
BUT, thanks to many kind people here, I realize that I just have to wake up every day with a renewed sense of sticking to my exercise and eating plan. There are no simple answers for any of us here, I suppose. If there were, none of us would have ever been overweight/obese, and we certainly wouldn't have bounced back and forth. Right?
Also, I am running my first 5k in over 10 years on the 13th and I've been trying like crazy to talk myself out of it. You're too sick, you're too old, you're too slow, you're too fat. I want to replace these thoughts with positive talk, so I guess I need to get on that.
Last edited by milmin2043; 11-04-2010 at 08:13 PM.