I am feeling good these days. While I still need to lose a large amount of weight, losing 100 plus pounds has made a huge difference in how I feel. Sometimes I forget how miserable that I was at my highest weight. We have had discussions here about how that happens.
Anyway, I got up at 5:00 this morning because I wanted to do some housework before leaving for work. I am a morning person. I was moving rapidly, getting more done in 45 minutes than I once did in an entire day. There on the table was a leftover cake that DH had brought home from something. Without even thinking, I cut a piece to have with my coffee. After a few bites, my brain woke up and said, "What are you doing!" so I dumped the rest of the piece in the garbage disposal.
After 2 years of working hard to change bad habits into good ones, how could I let myself just grab a piece of cake? Will I ever get to the point where I can ignore a cake sitting there? I am so disappointed in myself.
After finishing my work, I went to shower and weighed myself. I was up 2.5 pounds. This is not really fat. I know my weight fluctuations and this is probably a result of my IBS but it got me to thinking. It is so easy to let up a little. Eat a few extra bites. Consume a few extra calories or even a few hundred extra calories. That 2.5 pounds was not a result of the few bites of cake that I ate but it could happen. I could easily regain that 100 pounds. Statistics even say that it will probably happen.
I am recommitting today. My life is too wonderful to throw away for some food. I also have to recognize that I am still too weak to have certain sweets around. I left DH a note telling him that I can't have that cake around and for him to take it to work. If it is still there when I get home, it goes in the garbage disposal.
I don't really expect anything from my friends here at 3FC about this post. It just seemed important to me that I make it. I must never go back!
If your age = X
and the length of time you've been losing weight =2
then the length of time you were eating the wrong stuff/mindlessly ix X-2 ~ and, with all due respect, that's a heckuva lot longer!
I'm sure in time even unconscious habits will change for the better but there are a lot of years of habits that will still surge to the surface occasionally.
Catching yourself - good.
Re-committing yourself - good.
Beating yourself up - not good: you are So on top of this!
I was actually quite impressed that you stopped eating it and threw in down the disposal. I was wondering why you were beating yourself up!
You're doing great! You really are! Yes, the fear is always there. I find the fear is at its worst when I'm retaining water. My weight is up this week too and though I FEEL smaller, actually, the scale is messing with my head. It's making me realize how precarious this whole weight loss thing is.
But we have good heads on our shoulders and new, solid habits that we do not want to give up!
It's good to remind ourselves where we've been, I think. It keeps us moving forward.
I agree with Rosinante. No need to beat yourself up, I think you did great! Cakes are never going to go away so your taking action even after you had started eating it was particularly admirable. How often in the past would you have said to yourself, "well I've blown it already today, may as well eat the rest of the cake"?
Being in the fortunate position of living alone, there's no-one usually to leave temptation lying around. However, I still find myself occasionally binning things I can't leave ~ or even spitting out a mouthful! ew, I know, but the dogs don't mind!
You had a couple wonderful realizations. Seems that those habits that we have changed and live healthfully with...well, they can pop up in a blink. (unfortunately) It will always be something to work on.
Also - after eating that one slice of cake - you stopped.
I am known in my house for dousing tempting foods with liquid dish soap and putting it in the trash. (or down the disposal) There's a whole world out there of tempations and goodies. Sometimes we need to have a place where our food environment isn't so challenging.- I like to call that place home.
Last edited by Beverlyjoy; 10-12-2010 at 10:51 AM.
No, you are never going back. I've been on these boards long enough and have read enough of your posts to know that you are a very wise woman - and you are never going back.
It is important to re-commit from time to time, I also think it's important to change up strategies from time to time.
One of the best tools there is - don't put it in your mouth till it goes on paper FIRST. Don't put it in your mouth till it goes on paper FIRST. Don't put it in your mouth till it goes on paper FIRST.
I bring that one in and out as need be. Not sure why I don't keep it in permanently. Maybe I will. Every time I go back to it, I wonder why I ever left it. Mindless eating is impossible this way. You still may eat *off* foods from time to time, but it won't be mindlessly.
Thank you everyone! It is not really that I was beating myself up, but rather, that I had the realization of how easy it would be to backslide. I have been happy and content with my present weight. Even though my current weight is higher than many people's starting weight, I am smaller than I have been in over 30 years and it feels great! It would be easy to be complacent and stop losing weight. The next step would then be to start gaining. I just need to be self aware and not let that happen!
Optimized, I would like to believe I could one day eat the cake, go jogging and not care for another piece for weeks. Isn't that what naturally thin people do? Until recently, I was completely out of control. Forget about stopping at one piece....I wouldn't stop until it was gone or the whole thing consumed. I have grown. Reading your post I can only hope to one day have your degree of dicipline and committment....and as stated above, wisdom. Having this support system and the ability to share and get feedback had to factor in your decision. Each time I leave this site with more hope and determination.
Optimized, I would like to believe I could one day eat the cake, go jogging and not care for another piece for weeks. Isn't that what naturally thin people do? .
There are very few *naturally* thin people I have found. There are a few fortunate ones who just don't care for food that much and don't give it much thought. They are the ones who can have a bag of M & M's sitting on their desks for weeks, whereas I could not have it on my desk. I'd have to destroy it and discard it.
But I have found that the majority of people who have always been slim, really have to work at it. They make a conscientious effort to eat well and have calorie laden foods as a rarity. They want those foods, but choose not to.
Quote:
Forget about stopping at one piece....I wouldn't stop until it was gone or the whole thing consumed.
This was me by the way. Without a doubt. Now, nothing could be further from the truth. It IS possible to change a lifetime of bad habits.
I would like to believe I could one day eat the cake, go jogging and not care for another piece for weeks. Isn't that what naturally thin people do?
It may be, but I doubt any of us can get there from here.
I had hoped it would be true that having lost, I would be able to eat like a "naturally thin person." Heck, I was a normal weight person for a long time! Didn't start to gain until my mid-30s. But recent experience has shown me that I tend to overeat (I'm talking overeating, NOT bingeing) unless I pay close attention. And I think I'm always going to be that way. My metabolism just can't keep up.
First off, I just want to say congratulations to Cheryl, and many others on this thread who have lost so much weight! What a great accomplishment!
Congrats on being self-aware and realizing that you dont want to gain the weight back, and stopping yourself by dumping the cake. I think breaking bad habits takes so much time and effort that we constantly need to be aware of our surroundings and what choices we have to make to stay/keep healthy.
My parents were shocked when I said no to a chocolate birthday cake on Thanksgiving day. I had two bites, and I felt fulfilled. Mindless, and emotional eating is a big reason why I think I overate in the first place.
Do you ever get stuck in a power outage and continuously try to flip on a light switch? The last time my power went out, for 3 hours, carrying a flashlight into rooms with me, I still flipped the switch...ever. single. time I changed rooms. I knew the power was out, heck I was carrying my only light source because the power was out, but the habit of flipping a light switch in a dark room is so ingrained into my mind that it would only take a second for me to forget that it wasn't going to help. I think eating is the same way. I know after time, if the power never came back on, I would stop trying to flip a light switch every time I went into a room. But I can guarantee, from time to time, I would probably still try. It would become less the more time that went on, but habits are difficult to change. They can definitely be changed, you will probably get to a point some day that you don't automatically get a piece of cake with out thinking about it, but sometimes our habits just take some time to let go.
Must never go back
I was moving rapidly, getting more done in 45 minutes than I once did in an entire day. There on the table was a leftover cake that DH had brought home from something. Without even thinking, I cut a piece to have with my coffee. After a few bites, my brain woke up and said, "What are you doing!" so I dumped the rest of the piece in the garbage disposal. 
Great outlook.
