Cheater, Cheater Where'd You Meet Her
So as you can see from the title, this post is about a cheating boyfriend. Oh joy, right? I'm just looking for a little advice here. I'm at my wit's end.
I had been with a guy for almost 5 years, and we lived together for almost 2 of those years. He has a son, who is 10 years old, so I was taking care of his son as well. I knew from the beginning that it probably wasn't right....because he cheated on his fiance with me. He told me all these horrible things about her and that he was no longer attracted to her, and that she would be moving out soon....blah blah blah. I believed him at the time, but hindsight is 20/20.
About half a year before I moved out, I sensed he was doing things behind my back. I would catch him lying all the time, and the things he told me just didn't add up. I decided to start spying on him. What I found really hurt me. He had been going over to some person's apartment a LOT. I found his phone records, and any time he was out of the house, he would call this person a lot. I called the person, and a woman answered. He's hispanic, and this girl is hispanic. I know a little spanish. But basically she knew about me and told me (in Spanish) "Your boyfriend is my boyfriend. He is mine." I was PISSED. I confronted my ex, and all he did was deny deny deny. He NEVER admits anything. He just told me "Yeah, if you're calling people they're going to tell you what you want to hear and get you to stop calling them." Yes, the fact that my boyfriend is cheating....that's exactly what I want to hear. Anyway, to make a long story short, he started spending the night on the weekends at her apartment every weekend. He would dump him son off at his mom's and tell me he'd be home later and wouldn't show up until the next day. Suffice it to say, we did a lot of fighting in the last few months.
I wanted so bad for it to work. And stupid me, he made me believe I was crazy and that I just needed to trust him. That I was all he wanted. Looking back now, I can't believe he said all these things. So anyway, I moved out about a year ago. We continued to see each other and talk to each other. There was a point where I started seeing other people. Well, he freaked out and told me he misses me and blah blah blah....and maybe we could work things out. So I stopped seeing other people and devoted my time to him. Well that didn't last long. As soon as I started to give him more attention, he backed away and acted like he didn't know why I was trying to work things out with him. This just baffled me, because he told me he missed me and we could work things out. For the past year, we've gone around and around in circles.
Now I just found out (on my own - I did some investigating) that the girl he was cheating on me with moved in with him the beginning of September. I'm sure you can imagine how crushed and hurt I was. He had been leading me on the past YEAR since I moved out. It wasn't okay for me to move on, but obviously it's okay for HIM? And it's okay to have me on the side??
He refuses to admit it, and tells me I'm crazy (still), and that there's a family that moved in with him, no one important (I'm pretty sure it was the "family" he was going to see when we were still together). I'm so mad. I feel like I've wasted the past FIVE YEARS on this guy. I could have been married to someone that made me HAPPY. But the kicker is, I want to keep seeing him because I want revenge. I want her to find out he is still seeing me. I've already done a few things (I won't say it, because I'm pretty embarassed) to let her know I'm with him, but he's such a master at lying, it obviously didn't work. And I'm about to go to extremes.
It makes me sick knowing she is in the house I lived in with him. It makes me sick knowing he is going home to her. It makes me sick that she's sleeping in the bed we used to sleep in. And it makes me sick knowing she's cooking, cleaning, taking care of his son and trying to prove she's better than me (because I know he complained about me not cooking and cleaning all the time, so she obviously wants to prove she's better than me and does all those things). I'm completely depressed. I can hardly get out of bed in the mornings. I'm a zombie at work and just go through the motions. I'm angry all the time. I'm never happy, and when someone sees a smile on my face, it's always fake. I don't know what to do. I want to move on but I feel so alone. All my friends are married and starting their own families, or they're about to get married. I feel like no one understands. I can't get out and meet people because none of my friends feel the need to go out anymore, and if we do, it's just to go out to eat. I feel like this guy took all the life out of me.
I just need advice. How can I move on? I know you're all going to say I need to stop seeing him, but that's what everyone has been telling me since day one. And what do I do about this need to seek revenge? I feel like my desire to break them up is consuming my life. Sorry for the long, negative post. Thanks for making it this far if you did...
Last edited by LaBonita; 10-03-2010 at 12:36 PM.