[calluna]

This is part whine/part plea/part confession...not my usual MO, but I guess we all have it in us somewhere.

Of late things have been rough personally - I lost two of my three (admittedly old) cats this month, and yesterday my good (not that old - 60) friend passed unexpectedly. My weight has been stalled. And some other stuff. I have not (I hate to confess this) exercised or used my food log regularly for a few weeks.

This is unlike me - before this I haven't missed a day on my food log since January even if I had to go back and fill it in after a non-internet day, and exercise is one of my non-negotiables even amidst the chaos of daily life.

Yesterday I decided that, for a few hours, I just didn't care. I had pizza with the boys (2 slices), chips, ice cream for dessert. Could eat only a fraction of what I would have eaten at one time and then had a belly ache all night. Ewww... Comfort food doesn't seem to work the way it used to.

Now, I don't feel like I'm in any real danger of eating my head off today - I still feel pretty grody -but really I'm just concerned. I'm in a bad place and I suppose I could use some moral support to help out. And maybe a challenge of some kind so I can brush up on my accountability for the next few weeks.

/end of pity party

calluna

[Pacifica Bee]

You have plenty of reason to throw a pity party. I feel for you and I am sorry for your losses. That is really rough.

I think you are punishing yourself though by backsliding and eating the horrible foods. You should be focusing on nourishing your body and taking care of it while you are going through sad times.

I know how food is so comforting and can seem like a good friend who won't leave, but instead of picking up the pizza (and giving yourself a belly ache) how about an apple? Make a nice bowl of warm, silky oatmeal instead of ice cream?

Taking a break from the log is not a bad thing - as long as you go back to it. I think that right now you are going through some really wretched things and it is OK to temporarily suspend the log. Taking walks to reflect on your feelings would be a nice way to get some exercise in while taking care of yourself mentally.

So, just a couple of small changes to the current behavior puts you on track while you work through tough times, and then you can get back in the saddle full force without having to look back and have regrets.

Many hugs!

~Bee

[JustBeckyV]

Sorry to hear all you are going through. It seems like you need something to take your mind off things for a little while and the thing you probably used before like a lot of us was food and just finding those old habits again. Just have to get back into it - challenge yourself to do more exercise. I am not sure what you were using before. I think once you do that you will find the food will fall back into place. I know for me the exercise is really the thing that keeps me focused and going.

Huggles to you!

[DaughterOfVenus]

"I think you are punishing yourself though by backsliding and eating the horrible foods. You should be focusing on nourishing your body and taking care of it while you are going through sad times."

That is one of the most profound things I've read. I'm printing it out.

[Lyn2007]

Aw Calluna, I am so sorry. Those kinds of losses all bunched together are very hard. I guess a good hard cry might be cathartic (or if it was me, more than one) and try not to be hard on yourself about it. Grieve but try to stay as on track as you can with the food. I don't really have any other advice but you do have my condolences and I am sending you a big hug.

[Vladadog]

Instead of comfort food (which isn't that comforting as it turns out) why not a favorite movie or book. You deserve to take care of your emotional needs right now. Treat yourself with kindness.

[doingmybest]

I just want to say how sorry I am for the losses that you have gone through.

[caryesings]

Sending you a hug.

[c_laura]

[Cassie8236]

Oh, Calluna, I'm sorry, you've been dealing with alot.

I agree with, Vladadog, is there another way you can "escape" via books or a movie that can be your comfort?

[Misty23]

I'm sorry about your losses in the recent past.

Yesterday marked the 4 year anniversary of my grandpa's death. Eating wrong may seem to be the way to at least comfort us at some of our saddest times but the more I read here and the more I open up to others the more I realize how wrong I am about that theory.

I agree with Pacifica. During our times of emotional stress/trauma/loss instead of punishing ourselves by eating comfort food we should really be treating ourselves to something really healthy. The only thing we need to comfort us during times of loss is the love of our friends and family (and completely random people on internet forums )

I'm here for you if you need a cyber shoulder to cry on.

[Sandi]

I am sorry things suck right now.

We know exercise can be a real stress reliever and maybe you should focus on that right now to get you through. Exercise always gives me time to clear my head.

[ubergirl]

Hugs Calluna and sorry for your losses. That's tough. Hang in there. I know you will.

[shannonmb]

I am so very sorry for your losses and that you are having a rough time.

I do want to thank you for posting this. Right now, I am so in the groove with my plan that I *almost* feel invincible with it right now, and I'm nowhere near as far along as you are. But then, things are great for me right now. And frankly (surprising to me), this whole health focus is actually kinda easy when things are going great and you feel well. I am kinda terrified to find out what will happen when I go through something like you are going through. The fact that you are still posting here, still attempting to stay on plan, still thinking about your goals with food and exercise, is really amazingly inspiring.

Please take some time to grieve, and do what the others have said about trying to find other non-food ways to comfort yourself. You are obviously a tremendously strong lady, and apparently you just need a little practice on how to manage this whole journey when the going gets really tough. I have no doubt in my mind that you will be able to work through your sadness and find healthy ways to allow yourself to heal.

[lovemyboy]

Consider yourself supported. {hugs}