My husband comes from a family that will sit down to dinner after their mom makes a meal all day and point out any flaws they find. Not enough salt, to much butter, something is missing...it drives me crazy. One day I told them all that if they ever treated me that way I would never cook for them again.
Now lets transfer that to my husband and I and my weightloss. I have lost over 45 lbs yet on occasion when my weightloss comes up my husband will say something like, "You've doing great, but you still have a long way to go." or when I told him my personal goal right now was to weigh 157, he said, "You should lose more than that." To which I pointed out my weight was about 157 when we met and I think I looked pretty darn good then.
So tonight I said, "It hurts my feelings when you say things like that, I know I need to lose more weight right now, I am not blind I can see how fat I am." To which he gets mad at me and says well that is my issue, he would never say anything about my weight to be mean and he knows that I would never say anything about his weight to be mean because he knows I love him. Why in the world is my saying what he said hurts my feelings my issue? I think it is our issue, and he should avoid saying things like that to avoid hurting my feelings.
I hate it when people use this tactic as a free pass to say whatever they want. The fact that you find those kinds of comments hurtful and unhelpful should be enough to cause him to stop saying it. It sounds like criticism is how his family of origin communicated, but he's got a new family now--you--and he needs to learn to communicate in a supportive, helpful way. Saying hurtful things and then claiming it's your issue when you are hurt by it is, in my opinion, passive-agressive behavior.
Congratulations on your accomplishments. 47 pounds lost is an awesome feat!
Ahhh, just you wait. Any day now other men are going to start and notice your weight loss and perhaps be a little more friendly. Then, all of a sudden your hubby's tune will change and he will not think you should go SO LOW as 157. I'm married to a man myself, and they are just nuts.
I'm married to a man myself, and they are just nuts.
Yeah, that!
I'm sorry your hubby feels he can talk to you like that - you are totally right he needs to respect your feelings (and who wouldn't be offended by a comment like that??) - for 5'8" 157 is perfect!! Of course you already knew that anyways. Well in any event, vent away, we're here to listen!
My husband has gotten dumber as I've gotten smaller as well. I got roses for it not too long ago.
The latest:
I took some belly shots the other day. They're just pure belly shots, no head, with my underwear rolled down beneath the pooch. They popped up on the screen saver. (Gotta fix that!!) He came upstairs and kissed me and said what a fabulous job I'd done. When I asked him why, he said he'd just seen some pictures of my naked belly from 65 pounds ago. Ugh! No DARLING, those were from a few days ago!! Thanks so much Sweetheart!
He tried! But even when he tries, he STILL gets it wrong.
I totally understand. My husband says insensitive stuff and then he can never figure out why it upsets me. And then call him out on it and he gets his feathers all ruffled. Men! My hubby's favorite thing to say is "I was just joking". Grrrrrr
My hubby keeps a picture of me in his wallet that is 10 years old and I weighed about 120 pounds in that picture. That's the one he shows people and he can't understand why it upsets me!
It boggles me how men feel that they don't have to try after a while. Almost like they take you for granted. However, when they decide to "work out" or "do weights" we are supposed to jump up and down and rave about how bigger and sexier their arms are looking?
Men really have no clue. Lately I've noticed the women are either planning the date nights, making the kind gestures, offering the support, losing weight for them, "initiating". I mean, when did the roles become reversed? Is it just me?
I agree with Lori Bell, the more "attention" you will start getting from other men, the more attention he will give you. You aren't alone little chick!
Men really have no clue. Lately I've noticed the women are either planning the date nights, making the kind gestures, offering the support, losing weight for them, "initiating". I mean, when did the roles become reversed? Is it just me?
Well, holy Toledo, you could easily open up a can of worms for me there. You just described my marriage and I'm a bit frustrated at the moment! It is so not you!! And honestly, I think women have always ben the lead role, it's just that we get to complain about it now.
Well, holy Toledo, you could easily open up a can of worms for me there. You just described my marriage and I'm a bit frustrated at the moment! It is so not you!! And honestly, I think women have always ben the lead role, it's just that we get to complain about it now.
If it's going to be, IT'S UP TO ME!!!
Exactly! Thanks for sharing my thoughts! It's always a little comforting when you know you aren't alone. It gets depressing. I can only plan so many date nights, and do so many nice gestures, and give so much of a hoot for so long! It's getting extremely exhausting. Even just a picked flower for me would do these days.
My DH is the same way about things. He tries to say the right things and means well just doesn't always word things correctly. I know that he loves me and is proud and most of it I just let it roll off
Well ladies, thanks for making me feel pretty darn good about my never married status!
Today, I could give you an ear full! Seriously...today's a really bad day for me to be participating in a thread like this. I've already had my ear chewed off twice and I don't think it's over. DH is PMSing.
Why in the world is my saying what he said hurts my feelings my issue? I think it is our issue, and he should avoid saying things like that to avoid hurting my feelings.
I agree. Who cares if he thinks it is silly? Or he didn't mean it like it sounded?
Fine, you can forgive him this time for not knowing it. But now that he DOES know and was called on it... is he going to cut it out or what? Does he need help in what to say? Give him some examples he can use that are acceptable.
"'You are doing great.' (snip) Stop there and end on a positive. Don't add the "You have a long way to go" bit. That would be ok."
Or maybe the topic of weight needs to just be a nontopic right now?
Hubby is mad, well I am too.
You aren't alone little chick!
I've already had my ear chewed off twice and I don't think it's over. DH is PMSing. 
