Let me start by saying that I'm 49 and a mom of teens, so it's pretty late to be making my debut as a pretty girl, and also, I'm one of those women who has really never thought of herself as pretty at all-- I am more the "smart" type (although lord knows none of us should have to choose between pretty and smart, right?)
But, this past weekend, I went to the wedding of a dear friend. Now this friend is one of the most glamorous people I know. She looks like a movie star and is a minor celebrity.
I needed a dress, so I bought a size 12 beaded sleeveless sheath-- quite possibly the prettiest dress I've ever owned.
My friend had invited a bunch of us to get a professional make-up application, so I went along. I have fairly short very curly hair, and the make-up lady told me I should get my hair done. She blow dried it straight, which made me look COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. Then, I got the professional make-up job.
So there I was-- size 12 black beaded sheath, gorgeous blown out hair, and professional make-up. I looked in the mirror and DID NOT RECOGNIZE MYSELF.
A little more than a year ago, I weighed close to 300lbs, I had shoulder length frizzy hair and half the time I had a couple of inches of roots.
I did not fit a size 24 so a party dress was out of the question. My feet hurt way too much to wear heels! I probably would have ended up wearing a tent like black stretch dress with a blazer over it, and I would have wanted to cry when I noticed that every other woman in the room was wearing a little black dress.
But even more so, I FELT UGLY. I've seen lots of women who were heavier than I was who look beautiful, but me, I hated myself, I did not take care of myself, I was constantly ashamed of myself, and it showed.
So I learned a couple of things:
1. When you take care of yourself, day after day, month after month for more than a year, the little changes each and every day aren't that obvious. But overall, it makes an ENORMOUS DIFFERENCE and your inner beauty will show through.
2. It's fun being girly and doing girly things. In the past, if invited to get professional hair and make-up, I would have declined because I would have been embarrassed and worried about being too fat, and then I would have probably felt even worse at the event comparing myself to other people.
Uber, we are close in age (I'm 47) and also the mom of a 23d and 15s. While I always wore makeup and did my hair, I'm even more of a girly-girl than I was for the past 20 years. Isn't it fun being a girl? I second the request of pics!
I bet u looked stunning. It is always fun and relaxing to get made up but when u r big u don't feel good about yourself even when u r made up. Your post brought tears to my eyes cause I can relate and I've felt the same way u have many times.
Losing weight caused me to have a bit of an identity crisis.
Because I didn't think I had any hope, ever, for being one of the pretty ones, one of "those girls," I found myself habitually defining myself as "the other" -- since I was not pretty, I had to cultivate other qualities & flip the value system, by seeing myself as smart, not superficial, oblivious to trivial things like appearance, deeper. Let's say, pretty much the kind of woman who would probably never be a Real Housewife of Whatever Major U.S. City. Feminism is involved here, too, in a big way.
So when suddenly I was able to pass for one of Them, it was a deeply unsettling experience. I was always thinking, "You mean, it's okay if I ....?" If I rethink my hair, if I wear clothes that I never wore before, if I try different makeup, if I spend a lot of time with the mirror, or trying on clothes, or thinking about my appearance. There was the uncertainty of trying on new identities.
To put it short, I pretty much had to rethink femininity for myself, and what being a woman means.
Because when Idecided to lose weight, after ignoring it for a long time, it felt to me somewhat like a capitulation, as if I were saying: "The larger society is right, and I do want its approval, after all. I agree with community standards. I'm going to conform by trying to become as pretty as possible according to conventional beliefs."
Yeah, the health part was big, but this issue loomed even larger in my mind.
So I'm still making peace witht his on some level. And wondering why I thought pretty always had to be conformist & conventional & superificial, and why I thought the opposite of this was [fill in the blank -- what I was trying to be]
This post just got tangled up. I have no idea where I've ended up, but anyway, what I'm trying to say is I can relate to your feeling of looking in the mirror & seeing a stranger & trying to sort out how I got from the me I was used to seeing into being that stranger.
Congratulations on your success and for feeling good and looking good!!!!
I love your point about doing this day after day, month after month and how over time this makes a huge difference. I have only been doing this for a month and I already see an improvement in my health (blood pressure is better).
I have to admit, though, a good part of why I want to do this is my looks. I love girly stuff too - it always makes me feel better. I'm tired of not looking my best and squeezing into large size clothes.
I would love to see your photo too if you feel comfortable posting it.
I have a dear friend who has always been heavier than me. We both just kept growing and growing. But she was always GORGEOUS!! She knew how to pull it off. I never did. I'm such a no-fuss girl that natural beauty is a little of a "must" because I don't know quite what to do with myself. So when I reached a 235 pounds, I was a bit of a mess.
Curly frizzy hair? Ditto!! I've had it blown it out a couple times, both times to amuse the hair dresser. I didn't pay for it...she just wanted to play. Isn't it fun to just run your fingers through it? It feels so weird! And your fingers just slide through the strands.
I'm so happy for you! Your words paint the loveliest of pictures!
My debut as a pretty girl...
