People in your life who push you to help lose weight? - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

candy love · 06-29-2010, 07:39 PM

Does anyone have someone that helps them get motivated in their day to day life? I do

My best friend, shes always there for me we were at the gym today and even if i looked like i was ready to give up she was like,
"you were the one who wanted to lose weight, you are the one who doesn't want to be fat, it's not like you can just close your eyes and it'll disapear, you have to work at it so suck it up!"

and honestly I love her for it, she may sound harsh most of the time but I know it's just coz she cares and she wants to see me do well, she even does it with me when she doesn't have to.

So I just though I'd put a little reminder out there for everyone, if you feel your getting mad because your friends or family say things that sound mean, it's really just because they care, so use that energy to push forward instead of getting mad, you'll be thanking them later

Shmead · 06-29-2010, 08:47 PM

I cannot stand any interference or commentary on my weight loss. I'm happy to talk theory with people--obsessed with theory--but I avoid, at all costs, entangling anyone else in my choices. This includes my husband.

Basically, I have a deep contrary streak and if I feel like people are disapproving over something that is personal to me, I have an unfortunate tendency to prove I don't care. This is my hangup.

Also, many people I know and have known are more likely to help me justify relaxing my standards than to "buck me up". It seems like lots of people want to be in "mutual justification societies" where you are supposed to make each other feel better about off plan eating or skipping exercise and you are made to feel like a traitor if you go ahead and go exercise when they don't, or don't order dessert when they do.

For me, I do better when I keep it personal and private.

kaplods · 06-29-2010, 09:04 PM

I think that a lot of people justify rude and controlling behavior behind "for your own good." The best way to test the intentions is to give a little of the "tough love" back. If the person can't take what they're dishing out, "goodness" is not their motive, it's the control.

If they see you as an equal and have only "good" intentions, they'll take your criticism and assume your motives are as innocent as their own (so if they push you about your weight, they'll allow you to push them about their smoking...). If they have a problem with you pushing back, it doesn't mean they're horrible people, but it does mean there's an inequality in the relationship, and you've got to decide what you want to do about that. Ignore it, address it, or put limits on or renegotiate the relationships. Maybe you're ok with inequal relationships, but if the "suport" doesn't go both ways, it's not very supportive.

mthrgoos68 · 06-29-2010, 09:45 PM

It sounds to me like you have a loving and supportive friend, and you're very lucky to have her.

Keep up the good work!!

saef · 06-29-2010, 09:52 PM

A lot of us don't have people like that, so we come here for the equivalent of what your friend gives you.

I'm very fond of my friends, but with many of them that go way back in my life, my weight was the "elephant in the room" that we never talked about. I just wouldn't open up to them on that subject. Not until after I lost a lot of weight successfully & then the floodgates burst & we talked about it freely, and then sort of set it aside, as our relationships are about more than that. But anyway, until I was ready, I would have been horrified by any of them trying to raise the subject with me & I would have shut them down quickly & in fact, our friendship might have been endangered, since I liked to pretend nothing was wrong. They were just too close to me to offer support in that way, if that makes sense.

Also, I always figured it was entirely up to me, so I wasn't about to enlist anyone else in my life to help. I put the food in my mouth, to begin with -- so I was the one who had to fix the problem. Completely alone. But that's just my nature & so it was the approach that I was bound to take.

Your friend's support is great. If she stops being into it, though, remember, you do have it in you to keep going on your own. (You'll have a little recording of her voice in your head -- that will help. ;-)

JayZeeJay · 06-29-2010, 09:58 PM

I have a best friend who is supportive in anything I want to do - if it's weight loss, she's there for 6 am runs; if it's crazy thrift-store shopping, she's there to put the air hockey table in her truck (yep, it's in my living room). Your post just reminded me to never take her for granted!

Natasha1534 · 06-29-2010, 10:08 PM

Me and my mom are doing this together and she has been good encouragement. We try to keep each other on track. Like last night I wanted to make SB friendly pizza and she said "it'd be cheaper just to go buy Little Caesar's"...so I said "yeah, but it would be cheating...so we can cheat and keep being fat and keep feeling bad ORRRRRRRRRRR we can get the stuff to make the approved pizza." We went to the store.

And the pizza I made was WAY better than Little Ceasar's would have been.

Also another friend of mine, Amy, has been good w/ encouragement. I just wish I could find a workout buddy.

Wild Vulpix · 06-29-2010, 10:29 PM

In a way, I do...

My dad is my gym buddy. We go to the gym together daily because... well, I need the extra incentive to go! If I have to go alone, I'll talk myself out of it, or I'll go and be miserable about it. By going with my dad, it makes it almost fun... and rather then feel like I'm 'suffering alone' I feel more like we're bonding (even if we're doing different things in the gym). On weight days, we actually do the same things together. During my rest, he lifts the weights, and during his rest, I lift. It really keeps things from getting boring.

losermom · 06-30-2010, 09:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shmead

I cannot stand any interference or commentary on my weight loss. I'm happy to talk theory with people--obsessed with theory--but I avoid, at all costs, entangling anyone else in my choices. This includes my husband.

Basically, I have a deep contrary streak and if I feel like people are disapproving over something that is personal to me, I have an unfortunate tendency to prove I don't care. This is my hangup.

Also, many people I know and have known are more likely to help me justify relaxing my standards than to "buck me up". It seems like lots of people want to be in "mutual justification societies" where you are supposed to make each other feel better about off plan eating or skipping exercise and you are made to feel like a traitor if you go ahead and go exercise when they don't, or don't order dessert when they do.

For me, I do better when I keep it personal and private.

Shmead, I think that you and I were twins separated at birth! I hate those "mutual justification societies". Some of my co-workers, who I go to the gym with at lunchtime a couple of times a week, act like this all the time. They drive me crazy. I would prefer to just go alone than listen to them whine.

rockinrobin · 06-30-2010, 09:22 AM

The only one who could possibly push me to lose weight and keep me in line is ME.

If anyone even dare attempted to do so, it wouldn't be pretty.

candlylove, I'm glad it's working for you though.

But I have found that I need personal ownership, personal responsibility. I was the one who got me into the mess and I was the only one to get me out of it. I could never, ever leave such a herculean task to anyone else.

Gold32 · 06-30-2010, 10:19 AM

Hmm... no I don't have anyone who gives me tough love. 1) I don't need it and therefore 2) it would just tick me off. My dad used to pull me aside and say, "You know you could stand to lose a few pounds. I'm worried about you." (No kidding! I hadn't noticed.) He would promptly then force me to take half a cake home. I learned to ignore him. That's not motivation, in my book.

But I do have amazing support. My mother has been telling me a lot lately that she's proud of me, for losing weight, for going back to school, for getting my life together. My husband has been unbelievably helpful and supportive. He helps with portion counting, and took up running with me. My whole family has at some point looked at me and said, "You ARE losing weight! You're looking good!" My life is filled with love and support, and acceptance. I am a lucky, lucky person.

mkendrick · 06-30-2010, 12:15 PM

Sure I do, I have a couple hundred...collectively, they're called 3FC haha.

I have friends that support my weight journey (not really loss, at this point, but I actively maintain), and I have friends that are also losing weight. We support each other, but we don't really push each other. I absolutely refuse to be a food police kind of person. You know, the friend that says "are you sure you want to eat that? It has like 500 calories and you already ate lunch..." So I stay out of their business, and they stay out of mine, but we do support each other. We've had planned cheat nights, we've complained about how much we'd love to go crazy with such and such food, and we talk about the other aspects of weight loss. It's great to have the support and companionship in the process, but I wouldn't say that any of my real life friends, even those who are losing weight, really push me. And I prefer it that way.

I come here to get my butt kicked, haha.

ThicknPretty · 06-30-2010, 12:26 PM

I am, by nature, a rather defensive person. I don't like this quality in myself and it has gotten better with age and maturity, but I am still just a little defensive about things, about myself. I would not respond well to that type of motivation. It could quite possibly ruin a friendship.

Also, I really enjoy getting in "the zone" when I work out and I've found that it's much more difficult for me to do that if I'm working out with someone else. I'm half concentrating on what they're doing, trying to keep up conversation as to not be "rude", it becomes more of a social thing.

I'm in much better shape now than I ever have been, but I'm still not where a lot of just normal, average people are as far as fitness. And I have a limit. There are certain things I just can't do or do for long...I would get ticked off if my sides were cramping and I couldn't breath the last thing I would want would be some sweaty idiot in my face reminding me that I don't want to be fat anymore...yes, I'm aware I don't want to be fat anymore and I'd also rather not be unconscious on the sidewalk.

Motivation and encouragement is wonderful...but I don't appreciate aggressive or even slightly negative, berating advice or coaching. I got fat by myself and I'll have to get unfat pretty much the same way. And that's the best way.

Glad your friend is there to back you up though!

asharksrevenge · 06-30-2010, 04:59 PM

I have a very large support system that includes my parents, sisters, friends, even mothers of friends! They give me compliments and answer questions about weight loss or nutrition for me. They help to motivate me when I am feeling down as well. But they don't do it through tough love. I don't react well to that kind of motivation at all. I don't want someone yelling or insulting me to remind me why I need to lose weight. I can see very clearly where I have come from and what it was like to live the way I did, and that is the best motivation of all. I'd like someone to notice when I've lost weight or to walk with me sometimes, but I'm the one who chooses what to eat and when to exercise. It will be me who lives with all of the consequences, good or bad.
About the devil's advocate group who helps to fall off the wagon with you, I'm finding it hard to deal with my mom's eating habits. She started dieting a few months before I did, and though she works incredibly hard during her workouts, she eats terribly. She wants to eat better and knows how to very well, but she continues to make poor food choices. At first, we were in this together and helped each other out. I want her to eat better, and we have the kind of relationship where I can point out what she's about to eat (but not in a mean way) and tell her she could make a better choice. She always agrees, and before she would make the better choice and thank me afterwards for helping her. Now that I have surpassed her in weight loss, I have noticed that she is eating more and more unhealthy foods. I don't know whether I should comment about it anymore, as of course I realize her weight and food choices are completely her own choice, but I know she wants to be healthier. But I don't want to play the devil's advocate and tell her eating the gravy and cheese dip with tortilla chips is okay. Any ideas?

sarcruze · 06-30-2010, 08:53 PM

My lil sister is very supportive of my weightloss. She texts me everyday asking if I lost weight and if i'm going to the gym and on the days that I don't want to go she is always there to push me. She's says that whenever I call her excited about losing a pound or 2 it makes her feel good and excited just like I am. I laughed when she told me that. But it is good to have someone there to share the news with.