Originally Posted by deinekatze
can you swap out your Coping mechanism for something more constructive...like walking it off? Yoga? Meditation? I just think those wold help you think things through a bit better AND get you on the path to health.
You can create a habit you know, it takes about 21 days, to make or break a habit.
Here some tips to do so I found...and it is long so my apologies in advance
The first step in breaking old habits is deciding what new
habits you want to create with your life energy. Start asking
yourself these questions:
* What do you want your life to look like?
* What habits do you need to eliminate?
* What positive habits do you need to develop to make your
life look like you want it to look?
These desires must be realistic and obtainable. What is your
intuition telling you about what you should be doing?
Listening to your intuition is one of the most intelligent
things you can ever do with your life energy. Your intuition
always guides you in the direction that is perfect for you. It
is that small voice that is not affected by egos, past
failures, or other people?s opinions. It is your inner guiding
In your journal, keep notes on what your intuition tells you
about the strategies and the resources that might empower you.
Crystallize your thinking. Determine what specific goals
you want to achieve.
What habits are you letting go?
What habits are you creating in place of the old ones?
Your goals need to be specific, measurable, and realistic.
To do this you'll have to avoid nebulous thinking, such as "I
want to lose weight." What does that really mean? For your
subconscious mind to be able to serve you it must receive very
Develop a sincere desire for the things you want.
Desire is the starting point for all achievement. It's the
greatest motivator of every human action.
Frequently, your mind is more motivated by pictures and
visualization than it is with words and written exercises. The
right side of your brain is where your creativity comes from,
and it thrives on pictures. Many times the right side of your
brain takes precedence over the left side, which thrives on
words. In the past, you may have just written words down to
reach your goals. Add this new dimension to your process.
Draw, cut out pictures, or take photographs of what you want
in life. Put pictures up on your refrigerator, your bathroom
mirror, or any place that will remind your subconscious mind
of your desires to reinforce your goal.
Every thought you have uses electrical energy to imprint a new
picture in your subconscious mind. The efforts of your
subconscious mind are to match the pictures in your mind with
The more you deliberately plant pictures of what you want, the
faster you will attract it into your life. It's very important
that you allow yourself to fantasize about what you want in
your life - let your imagination run wild!
To achieve what it is you want in life, you must think about
it. There are no limits except those we put on ourselves. This
is your life and you will be cheating yourself if you don't go
for what you want! You must feel your success before you can
manifest it in reality.
Develop a plan for achieving your goal, and a deadline for its
attainment. The difference between a "wish" and a "goal" is
that the goal is written down. Once you have a clear picture
of what you want in life, your subconscious and conscious mind
can work together to achieve it.
When you prioritize and focus you can literally see what you
want; this gives you the power of concentration. Deliberate
concentration is like a laser beam - it can cut through any
obstacles in your path.
Distinguish between goals and activities. A goal is the specific
end result you want to manifest in your life. Activities are those
things you do to achieve your goals.
Use the skill of awareness, and remember the goal. Don't get
stuck in the activities.
Create deadlines for your goals.
Without deadlines your brain doesn't have a clear picture of
what you want created. Deadlines have a magical way of
motivating us to produce results.
First write your *one-year* goals on paper, then write down
all the activities you will have to do to reach each goal.
Start by asking yourself what is the very first activity I
must do to get started on this goal? Then write down each
following activity that will take you closer to the one year
Break down the activities for each goal into 3 month groups
Ask yourself "What are the activities I must do in the first
three months to achieve my goal?" Write those down.
Then think about the activities you'll need to follow up in
the following three months. By breaking down the goals into
manageable, bite-size pieces, you'll feel more in control.
The secret is that this divide-and-conquer approach keeps
achieving your goals from becoming overwhelmingly complicated.
Make YOUR goals YOURS.
Time for a reality check. Don't set a goal for yourself that
your spouse (or anyone else for that matter) wants for you.
Please revise your current goals to ensure they REALLY meet
YOUR needs, not someone else's desires for you. You will never
be successful achieving goals that are not motivated by your
Moreover, don't compare your goals with other people's goals -
you'll always come up short. The reality is that we usually
compare our worst traits with someone else's best traits and
we can never win that way.
Let's recap these 8 goal setting steps...
* Step 1. Set realistic and obtainable habits you want to
create with your life energy.
* Step 2. Crystallize your thinking. Determine what *specific*
goals you want to achieve.
* Step 3. Develop a sincere desire for the things you want.
* Step 4. Develop a plan for achieving your goal, and a
deadline for its attainment.
* Step 5. Distinguish between goals and activities.
* Step 6. Create deadlines for your goals.
Write your goals as if they have already occurred.
Try writing, "I now weigh ______" not
"I want to weigh ______".
This helps your subconscious mind to see the end result.
Develop confidence in yourself and your abilities.
Stay "sold on yourself". Here are some techniques you can
* Listen to motivational CDs and tapes daily in your car or
* Do your declarations daily, and control your self-talk.
* Tackle every activity without giving any recognition to the
possibility of defeat.
* Focus on your strengths instead of your weaknesses.
* Recognize and honor your personal point of power found in
* Develop a determination to follow through on your goals
regardless of obstacles, circumstances, or criticism.
Review your goals monthly.
The first day of the month is the perfect time to set up a
ritual goal-reviewing. This should be the time that you can be
honest with yourself on what goals you are really committed to
and how you can improve your strategies. You must also be
honest with yourself on what goals are only paper dreams if
you aren't really going to pay the price to achieve them.
Persistence is the real key to successful goal achievement.
Don't allow yourself to become distracted with excuses about
why things can't be done. Excuses are the enemies of goal
***now my 2 cents****
We need to accept and realize that nothing happens TO us but rather FOR us. We create our lives with each and every choice WE make. Sadly we don't seem to learn from the experiences of others and like to hit our heads against the wall over and over again, but only WE ourselves know when enough is enough.
Breaking a habit or a "pattern" is not an easy thing but it is the only way to move forward and not be STUCK in the past. We need to honestly sit down and take inventory of what our life looks like today and what we really want it to look like for us and MAKE THE CHANGE. The longer we take at that "pattern" or habit, the harder it will be to break it so... my only thing is we are responsible for our own choices. Remember the definition of insanity? to do the same thing over and over and expect a different result.
I've had my fair share of "Patterns" and habits that I needed to break and luckily was able to before I did something terribly stupid...because yes, you do start to lose your mind!
How did I want my life to be? How did I want to be treated? etc... all very valid questions and that allowed me to finally move forward and LOVE myself (no wonder I didn't feel the love... why would anyone love me if I didn't love myself?) Now I appreciate who I am, and enjoy my own company... I'm not afraid any more! People come and go into our lives but the only constant we will ALWAYS have is OURSELVES so we better put ourselves first! No, not selfish. Think about it this way... it's like on an airplane when you hear them explaining about the oxygen mask "place it on yourself before assisting others"...YES, because otherwise you will be of no use to help others as you will be passed out! Life works the same way.
Every person that comes into our lives has been brought in by US, and we do so to learn some lesson... until we "get it" we keep falling back into the same old habits. Then we sit there and continue to say "he did this to me" or She said THAT to me" well guess what... YOU have and continue to bring that in and allow the bad energy around you. When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change! Focus on YOU and I promise you things will begin to flow.
I had to finally put me first and allow myself to let go of people that truly were not serving me on my path to success. You know, you always have those people that will DRAIN you and yet, we want to be nice, blah blah blah... Doesn't work! you are not doing anyone a favor by keeping them in your life like that. Everyone has a different path and we all grow in different ways... it's nature! Allow yourself and them to move on because I assure you they too need to move on.
When I finally focused on me amazing things started to flow into my life. I still fall back now and again into the old habit of "if it sounds too good to be true..." but guess what? It IS true and we deserve it.
Now please, think about all of this and the many things that you feel could be better in your life... what are you going to do about it? and stop looking to others for excuses... it is YOU time... no one else. YOU be happy, YOU take control, and YOU create your amazingly beautiful life today because it is there for you... you just keep looking at the weeds in the garden instead of the AMAZING blooms that are everywhere...now why would you do that? ENJOY THE FLOWERS!