Right now I've been really struggling with my new self image. I don't know why this is happening now, I guess up until now I've always still felt fat. I think once I got into the 170's I just didn't feel fat anymore and now I'm having some kind of identity crisis. Almost like I don't know who I am if I'm not the fat girl, or the fat friend or whatever. I used to be the fattest girl in the office, now I think I'm might actually be the thinnest
I'm also just having this weird feeling about my body. I almost feel like something is missing, like I'm missing a limb or something. It is a really really weird feeling. I literally feel like I'm disappearing sometimes. I'll go to walk inbetween people in a crowd and I feel like I'm going to inevitable bump into them with my petruding gut but I slide right past without touching a thing. And when did they start giving so much more room at table in restaurants? Why is the table always so far away?
I think this last 22 lbs has come off fast and been a more drastic change in my appearance than the first 70 and my mind is just not catching up. What is more frightening to me is that I want to lose another 20-40lbs still and I really wonder how drastic of a change that is going to be and if I'm going to be feeling this way all the way to me goal or is it going to get worse?
I'm also getting really really sick of be COLD no FREEZING ALL THE TIME. Will this stop? Will my body adjust?
And I'm getting a little creaped out by the bones I can feel, my spine, my hip bones, etc.
Where is all this coming from and when will I just feel like me again? I don't want to be fat ever again, but something just doesn't feel right and I can't put my finger on it. This is temporary right?
*HUGS* You are still you. Just thinner. I've struggled to understand being fat. I wasn't until I gained a lot of weight after I quit smoking, so you must be feeling the same way, in reverse. I think you'll get used to it eventually and carve out a new self-image. How's your mental self? Your intellectual self? Your emotional self? I can't say from the same perspective, but I would think it just takes some time?
I am happy I have lost 155 pounds, very happy and much much healthier than I have been for my most of my life. That said, I truly hate my body and I believe I am not an attractive person at all. Is it all weight loss related? Most likely not but the whole skin issue is weight loss related and I hate, hate, hate it. It is a much better option than rolls of fat, for sure, but it doesn't make me like it any better.
My husband and I both constantly complain about being cold all the time. (He's lost 80 pounds too.) That part of weight loss, oh yes THAT part...I really do hate. And no, I don't think our bodies will adjust--I think we will always be somewhat cold. (However, I notice that normal-weight adults are cold a lot, too. So I guess it just comes with the territory.)
Other than that, though, it's all pretty copacetic to me.
I am also cold. All the time. I used to be the one who would sweat in a room that was 65deg, now I'm the one who always needs a jacket. It's finally warm out (80deg) and I'm comfortable...last year, I'd be dying in the heat.
The bones also get to me. Sitting on a hard surface for any period of time is uncomfortable because I can feel my butt bones right on the chair. And the one that really bugs me is my knees on each other when I'm laying on my side. To fall asleep, I have to have a pillow between my legs. And just generally feeling bones (like my collar bone) so prominantly kinda grosses me out for some reason, haha.
But, the things that I now like about my body far outweigh the other things. I think it'll just take time to get used to.
I've never been cold when losing weight, even after losing a lot - until this time. Now I'm almost always freezing - and when I'm not freezing I'm too hot.
There's a lot I don't like about weight loss, but there's also a lot I do (and it's not all about the scale, or even about feeling healthier and stronger).
I don't like the routine of weight loss, the "have to do it every day forever," but then I remind myself of toothbrushing. I don't brush my teeth because it's fun, and it's just as pointless to wish I didn't have to watch my weight as it would be to wish I didn't have to brush my teeth. If I want the result, I have to put forth the effort.
However, I also find it a lot more enjoyable to get the result by incorporating as much fun as I can into the effort. When I focus on the deprivation, I feel deprived. When I look for alternatives, it isn't always comfortable but "different" is an odd feeling, but it's a better feeling than "loss/deprivation."
For example, I'm trying very hard to eliminate wheat entirely from my diet (it's likely that I'm intolerant, if not actually allergic or celiac. I knew the connection was real when my husband could tell when I'd eaten wheat by the looking at my face. I get a scaley rash within two days of eating more than a trace of wheat).
At first it seemed like wheat was in absolutely everything, and it was hard to keep from focusing on what I couldn't have - but there really are a lot of foods out there that aren't wheat. And a lot of them taste very good.
I tend to avoid exercise unless I plan it in. And I tend to do more if I plan it in a form that I enjoy (roughly in order of preference): swimming, geocaching, dancing to music (when no one is watching) and bicycling.
I feel like I'm conforming too much to society, especially as a woman.
I know, it's about health too, but that seems to be the way to discriminate against fat people, even though the real reasons behind the discrimination are generally pretty superficial.
I don't know, I think that in the past few weeks, as I've been losing weight, I've suddenly felt happy with my body as a space for being subversive and going against the normative discourse of what women should look like. I don't look like that, and I kinda like it.
But it's not going to stop me from losing weight. I'll just have to find a different way of being non-normative.
I actually think collarbones (clavicles) and hip bones are sexy to see. Haha. I cannot wait until I can see my hipbones.
I agree that they are sexy, and I like that I can see my clavicles and hip bones. But when you're so used to having a cushion of fat all over, having these bony parts sticking out all over the place is somewhat uncomfortable at first. It takes some getting used to, at least.
Bones. Getting used to sitting or kneeling (when the heck did my butt get so bony??? it doesnt look bony in the mirror! )
Also, I'm still waiting for my mind to catch up with my body. You know how you used to look into the mirror and deny that you were overweight? For me, now, it's so damn hard to realize that I am a HEALTHY weight and that I look NORMAL. So ridiculously hard...being overweight literally all your life can mess you up
I miss the ability to pound a dozen cookies and not care
While this is lessening each day, I don't like the awkwardness of passing up on certain foods in social situations. I didn't have pie at Easter dinner the other day at the in-laws and you would have thought I was from another planet.
There's only one thing that I can say is a downside to my weight loss... that's my boobs. They have gone down only 1 cup size, but to me they look like they've gone down more than that. Anyhow, it's just what I see though... my bra doesn't give anything away and hubby says they're great so it's likely just in my head. Everything else I think is positive! I am cold most of the time, but when it hit 85 the other day... guess who wasn't sweaty?! ME! Here in SoCal, we aren't cold very often or for long so I'd much rather be cold sensitive than easily heated.
In all honesty I guess it would be nice to be able to eat whatever I wanted without regard to calories/fat/etc like I used to when I was heavy... but on the other hand, that's *why* I was heavy so I would never give up my counting and healthy eating for that.
Your head will catch up with your body, it just takes time. Heck, I'm still trying to catch up with mine, haha. I've heard it can take a while and I'm sure it depends solely on the individual. Best of luck with your remaining losses!!
Are there parts of weight loss you don't like?
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