[springlover]

Hello everyone, I just had the worst day and I'm trying not to be upset.

I was discussing with a coworker how I wanted to get a breast reduction surgery (I've always had big boobs even at my smallest). We were in private in her office when the cleaning lady came in and said...well if you loose 20-30 pounds you can avoid surgery.

Um. I froze. She left and my friend said dont listen to her, shes crazy and resassured me that I look great, and she says things like that all the time. But I'm really sad, I just joined yesterday and started my workout plan today and I'm ready to finally do this. But this did not help, and I'm trying not to let it bother me, but it is

Please tell me how to get past this and try not to let it effect me the way it is...

[ThicknPretty]

Ugh. I hate how comfortable some people are with just jumping into private conversations like that! I’m sure that was embarrassing and hurt your feelings.

However, for a lot of people, surgery is a last resort and a terrifying one at that. She might have just been offering an alternative thinking that you would rather try that than going under the knife. And a lot of women are surprised by just how much their boobs do shrink during weight loss. Mine are a lot smaller now (went from a DDD to a DD) and I wasn’t expecting it, for sure.

It was definitely out of line, but maybe she didn’t mean it as bad as it sounded…

[calluna]

Congratulations on your commitment to a healthier self! That's great news!

That said, rude is rude, and she hadn't any business butting in.

When someone does something like that, they demonstrate to me that perhaps they are not someone deserving of my serious attention, and I can let their comments slide off my back.

Hope it helps a little.

[ncuneo]

I'm sorry that happened to you. Sometimes people have no tact.

Not counting my increase in breast size from pregnancy I have gone from a very large D pushing a DD to a full/medium C. With about 30 lbs to go I anticipate I will end up a large B to a small C. I'm also contemplating surgery. Mine are very saggy and I would like to be a full C. So you need to do what makes you happy. If it's losing weight and then surgery then great! But don't let the opinions and rudeness of others deter you from what you need to do. Good luck!

[Phatmama]

Girl, just let it roll. Maybe she was having a bad day and wanted to share her misery. Whenever someone is rude to me I wonder what makes them so unhappy that they feel the need to make me feel unhappy.
But that's the thing, you can't control how other people behave you can only control how you respond. So just let it roll right off your shoulder. Who cares what she thinks?

[cehrriins]

I'll add another "Ugh." The best thing to do is just not say anything about anyone's weight. You just don't know what personal battles someone has going on, so why take the chance of putting them in any sort of discomfort?

It sucks when you get blindsided by an offhand comment; I'm sorry it's hurting you at all. Hugs!

[angelskeep]

Just a thought to consider. And it only applies if the cleaning lady heard you discussing weight loss in addition to wanting to get surgery. If that's the case, maybe she was actually trying to be nice and helpful. Maybe she heard you say you are trying to lose wieght and she thinks you look pretty good and might not want to get surgery until you've lost the weight just in case you won't need it then?

She probably shouldn't have poked her nose into your conversation, but maybe she didn't say it the way you heard it?

Even if she did, is she so important to you that you would let her ruin your whole day? Or is it a reflection of how you are feeling about yourself? Unless she is someone significant to you, it seems that she shouldn't have too much influence on how you are feeling. If she is not an important person in your life, then what's really at the bottom of how you are feeling?

Just sayin'...

Barb

[cmk79]

I'm sorry that happened to you.Sometimes people can be cruel without intending to be.But you've just got to ignore them and not let it get to you.I myself might need a breast reduction when I'm done losing weight.I currently have size 40 DDD breasts.I'm hoping that they'll shrink enough when I lose weight, but if not then I'll definitely get a breast reduction.Don't get discouraged and good luck with your weight loss!

[springlover]

Thanks everyone for the support!

I feel better...and realized that I was upset because someone not close to me made a comment about my biggest insecurity. And when any one does it only makes me even more insecure. But thank you a lot for responding and sharing your thoughts, I really appreciate it.

[Shmead]

Remember, too that cup size is relative to band size, so if some goes from a 40DD to a 36D, they've lost 5 inches of boob, not one.

[SlimBy2011]

Some people just don't know any better and some people don't see weight as big of an issue as others. I know how embarrassing that is but look at the bright side, she only said 20-30 which is almost 20 lbs from where you're trying to be. In an odd way, you could look at it as a compliment. I used to cringe when people guessed my size, but now when I hear someone ask if I'm a 12, instead I feel good because I'm really a 14!

[rockinrobin]

I'm glad you're feeling better. It's hard not to let other people's misguided comments get us down, but somehow we MUST. Luckily they do fade from memory and fairly quickly as we suddenly move on to the next thing.

I'm glad to hear that you're finally ready to do this. That's GREAT. Losing weight IS a doable thing for every one and any one, yourself included. You don't have to be overweight if you don't want to be. It IS something that you control, that you have power over. It is most definitely your choice.

You mentioned a workout plan. Do you have a food plan as well? Because "they" say that weight loss/maintenance is 80% FOOD/20% exercise. And I tend to agree with them.

Anyway, I'm glad you're here and ready to implement some changes. That's exciting. I look forward to hearing of your progress.

[dewdrop1970]

I have lived through many "unusual" and rude comments about my weight and my advice to you....take the comments as your inspiration.

From the things that people have said to me, I have learned to choose my words more carefully~in hopes that I do not make anyone else feel the the hurt, embarrassment, etc. that I have felt.

I have a coworker who is constantly belittling me about my weight.

Lately, after my new eating & exercise habits have produced results, many people say nice things to me. The other day I was accepting a positive comment and she was in the room. I said thank you after the positive comment and this coworker said, "Oh look at her just sitting there accepting the congratulations". She said this in a snide way.

My point is, she must have an overall problem with me, because obviously, I cannot do anything "right" in her eyes.

Again, I found it helps to just use hurtful comments to be my inspiration to continue my new habits.

[Tomato]

Hi springlover,

Welcome to 3FC, the best place on the Internet!

I am surprised that the cleaning lady felt entitled to butt into your conversation, unless she engages in a discussion with office staff all the time. Judging from how it is in our office - we have one cleaning lady who is there full time most of the day and she cleans the serveries (two serveries on each of our 4 floors, plus cafeteria and room with microwaves), put dishes into dishwashers, runs them etc. She also cleans the washrooms but it's just to make sure nothing is messy - the real cleaning staff arrives after hours. Anyway, she is almost invisible, never says anything and I think I am the only one who always says 'good morning' to her each day. I would probably faint from surprise if she all of sudden joined a conversation just like your cleaning lady did.

I am sorry it ruined your day and I totally understand that, I would have been upset as well.
Having said that, I also think that sometimes there is nothing like something that is being said behind our backs or an insensitive comment to help realize something. In a way, she is right. Boobs are made mostly of fat and if you lose weight, you will most likely reduce the size of your girls. I went from a D cup to a C cup. Of course, each of us loses weight in her/his own specific pattern and a friend of mine, who is very pear shaped (heavy,heavy thighs) ALWAYS loses weight first in her boobs although she doesn't want to. I, on the other hand, although I would prefer to reduce my boobs even more, find it almost impossible. My boobs will be the last to go.
Anyway, what I am trying to say is that perhaps you can lay off the plan of boob reduction surgery until after you lose the weight,and re-evaluate then.

I am glad you made the decision to do something for yourself, and you will have fun here on 3FC.
My best wishes of good luck and keep us posted about your progress.

[SlimBy2011]

Originally Posted by dewdrop1970

I have lived through many "unusual" and rude comments about my weight and my advice to you....take the comments as your inspiration.

From the things that people have said to me, I have learned to choose my words more carefully~in hopes that I do not make anyone else feel the the hurt, embarrassment, etc. that I have felt.

I have a coworker who is constantly belittling me about my weight.

Lately, after my new eating & exercise habits have produced results, many people say nice things to me. The other day I was accepting a positive comment and she was in the room. I said thank you after the positive comment and this coworker said, "Oh look at her just sitting there accepting the congratulations". She said this in a snide way.

My point is, she must have an overall problem with me, because obviously, I cannot do anything "right" in her eyes.

Again, I found it helps to just use hurtful comments to be my inspiration to continue my new habits.

Your coworker is a lunatic! Why wouldn't you accept the congratulations, you worked darn hard for them!