[CHUNKEY_MUNKEY]

so heres my whole thing at my heighest weight i was 259 ( im 5'6 ) i got down to 212 .... been OFF the wagon scince xmas ... suprise suprise ..... 220 here i am ... 8 pounds in two months .... im not too upset because i know i can do it again ... but of course if i had maintained the 212 ... and i lost 8 pounds instead of gaining it i would be closer to onderland ... i just put myself back .. and i HATE it

anyho this is not the problem ... i take pride in my apperance i NEVER want to appear as one of those girls that just gave up .. which i feel like doing but i wont .. im always smelling good and looking decent i wear fashionable clothing i dress to suit my figure and i always have my hair done nicely my makeup done nicely ... i usually think i look great when i catch a glimpse of myself walking out the door ... then i see a picture of myself from the event and im like phuck a duck i look god awful !! omg noo is that really how i look??? seriously .... omg im disgusting !

i feel terrible because now i wonder what i look like to other ppl i knew i was fat but disgusting looking is a new one .... im horrified i near burst into tears when i saw some pictures

this was spurred when i went to the website of a club i visited last weekend and i saw my picture in saturdays gallery .... and it was the 4th picture to boot so ppl i know will definitley be bound to see it .... i want to contact the site owner and ask them to take it down but that would make it seem like im a cry baby

i was all excited i was about to post a NSV post before i saw that picture too ... i finally fit into a size 14 womens jeans @ old navy and a womens size XL top from rainbow ... i really thought i was getting somewhere .. before i saw that picture that is .. omg i look god awful i cant belive thats really what i look like ...

i REALLY need to stay on track .... but im having a hard time today ...

[JackiG]

You are doing a great job!! Don't let this upset you. You know you are going in the right direction. I understand your pain, I hate seeing pictures of myself. This is a process, you will be at goal in time. Hang in there! Binging will set you back, and will get you nowhere. I know it is frustrating, but it will all pay off soon.

[Gourmet Bean]

Binging is only going to make you more upset and feel worse about yourself and you know it.

Just think you can use your "disgusting" pictures as your before pictures to remind yourself of how you felt at this stage of the game and how you do not want to become that person once again. I'm sure you look fab and you're just being your own worst critic (aren't we all?).

[CLCSC145]

The comfort binging brings is so very temporary - mere minutes - compared to the time it takes to take off binge pounds. And it could not be more counter-productive to what you want, which is to not be fat anymore. So don't do it! You'll be much prouder of yourself if you stay strong.

As for the pictures, I'm not much help there because I feel the same way about my pictures even now and I'm only 20 pounds away from a "normal" BMI. So take comfort in the fact that you are not alone. Keep taking care of yourself and eventually your body will catch up to your mental image. Hugs to you!

[planzaro]

I know how you feel I am so disgusted with myself I can cry.
Why cant I just do it again? I lost 43 lbs on WW and then got pregnant and gained 70 lbs... I need to lose another 25 lbs and just cant do it.

[GirlyGirlSebas]

Girlfriend! You are not very kind to yourself, are you? As a matter of fact, your are talking to yourself horribly. You're disgusting? Seriously? Would you talk to someone else like that? Would you allow anyone else to talk to you like that?

This might be a great time to step back and re-evaulate yourself and how you define who you are. I doubt anyone else describes you so harshly. Be kind to yourself.

[Beverlyjoy]

I agree with Rhonda - please treat yourself as well as you would a good friend.

[marigrace]

Chunky, are you getting any snow there in Brooklyn ? We are getting pounded over here ! I just wanted to say take care of yourself, you deserve it. When I saw a picture of myself at my highest weight I was sorevolted. I had no idea I looked that bloated. Just use it as your before picture like gourmetbean says...

[JustSharing83]

I wouldn't worry about others seeing the picture - they aren't likely to give it much thought, they'll be busy looking for themselves and worrying about how they looked!

Turn this into motivation so that next time you feel a little better about a photo you stumble across.