Yesterday I had the WORST day, and there really was nothing wrong, I was just feeling kind of down and discouraged.
I don't know if this is true for everyone, but I still suffer from days when I "feel fat"... Except that I've been 100% on plan... excercising, not doing anything out of the ordinary.
I went to the gym last night, but struggled during my workout and never got the usual endorphin rush. Then I caught sight of myself in a window reflection while doing an overhead press and I was stunned at how HUGE I looked in my leggings and tee shirt with my arms up over my head.
All day, I kept thinking about how other people lose faster than me and how I'm still not really into normal sized clothes, and how my goal weight is too high because others at my height have lower goals and.... well, just the whole invidious comparison game...
I think I'm better this morning, but I'd love to know if others get this way?
I think every woman I know (whether overweight or not) has an occasional day where she feels like crap. I think a lot of it is hormones. Not that I'm saying we should feel like crap, I just think often there's more going on than meets the eye with us girls.
That said - dude! You are one glorious pound from your fourth mini goal! And who cares what your goal weight is? When you get to 175 you'll either say, "yes, this is perfect!" or "well, I made it here and it's not exactly what I had in mind so I'm going to change my goal to XXX" Might be higher, might be lower, but there's no reason you have to weigh 175 for the rest of your life if you don't want to! Personally, I set my goal at the top weight of "normal" on the BMI but I don't know that I'll ever get there. I weighed 171 for literally years and years and felt great about how I looked. So it could be that when I get there I'll decide that's a good spot. I really do think I want to try "normal" but maybe that's not going to be normal for me.
I guess what I'm saying is your doing great and I'm sure you're going to continue to do great things. And those normal clothes sizes are quickly approaching, dude, so just hang in there!
It could be hormones, but we tend to say we "feel fat" as a generalized statement for when something else is wrong. No need to answer here, but think about what might have prompted those feelings. I bet it isn't about "fat" but about something else that made you feel inferior, dissapointed or upset in some way. Look at it as a sign of a problem you need to fix. In a lot ways it is very comforting to say, "I feel fat" because we can fix "fat." But the other problems aren't so easy. Maybe I'm really off-base as I can only speak for myself, but when I have had days like that (not TOM), it's usually something else that's the problem. I just need to ask myself some questions to figure it out.
I think everyone has those bouts....what has helped me is positive affirmations.
Always remember, your journey is your own. It's hard not to compare yourself with others *but* when you do this you are getting away from your goal and why you are doing this. I apply this to both my personal life and my business. I'm in direct sales and it's hard to not compare yourself to the ones that are getting the awards, cars, etc. I still let it sweep me up sometimes and when I catch myself then I always center myself with finding my "why". Basically I sound like a 3 year old when I do this (for example Why do you want to lose the weight? Answer. Why? answer. Why? etc) but it's very enlightening Oh yeah and "because" is not an answer lol
I guess, just don't fall into the pity trap. Or use it as motivation. I don't like looking at myself in the mirror so I don't (unless there is a need). Gyms with big mirrors are formidable opponents to people who want to lose weight, but I hear the mirrors are there to check to see if your form is right. I personally don't like them.
Ditto BeachBreeze for SURE. Every time I have one of these days, it's because I'm lacking at something in my life. For me at least, my self-esteem is very tenuous. It doesn't take much to send me into a downward spiral, despite my best efforts to remain realistic and be honest with myself. If I had a less than productive day at work, I feel guilty about it and that causes me to notice my fat more easily. I think that is just because it's my most obvious "flaw" so it's easy to misplace disappointment with myself for something else onto the fat part of me.
For me, the key is to be realistic and honest. Sometimes we mess up in lots of different areas of our lives. But no one is demanding perfection from you, and you shouldn't demand it of yourself either. As long as you're making progress, you're moving in the right direction.
It could be hormones, but we tend to say we "feel fat" as a generalized statement for when something else is wrong. No need to answer here, but think about what might have prompted those feelings. I bet it isn't about "fat" but about something else that made you feel inferior, dissapointed or upset in some way. Look at it as a sign of a problem you need to fix. In a lot ways it is very comforting to say, "I feel fat" because we can fix "fat." But the other problems aren't so easy. Maybe I'm really off-base as I can only speak for myself, but when I have had days like that (not TOM), it's usually something else that's the problem. I just need to ask myself some questions to figure it out.
I totally hear you here, and I suspect it must be true! I could not pin point what was bothering me yesterday. All of us have some underlying stresses, but there isn't anything going on in my life that seems especially stressful.
Weirdly enough, I think it might have been my little shopping expedition into "normal" sized stores last week.
I've noticed that the smaller I get the more conflicted I get in some ways.
Whenever I compare myself to the 295 pounder I get really happy and feel terrific about myself.
But comparing myself to "normal" and feeling fat in normal sized stores represents a very long and painful part of my history, one that I more or less suppressed, I guess, by getting morbidly obese.
So, I'm thinking maybe that the improvement from a size 24 or 26 to an 18 or 16 seems FABULOUS... but the comparison of myself to what I would consider "normal" is still really painful and fraught. And I start worrying that I won't really look "normal" unless I get down to 130 or 140, which is below any weight I've ever weighed even in high school.
Guess I need to keep working on it.
Traci-- thanks for your words of encouragement. Somehow it slipped my mind that I am ONE POUND FROM MY MINI-GOAL
Giselly-- thank god my gym doesn't have mirrors-- this was the window reflection that did me in.
I have watched, (read) you truck on day after day, week after week, and month after month. You have lost 74 freaking pounds in approx 8 months. There are not many people in the *real world* who have done what you have done. You are very inspiring to many people and you are a strong woman.
I think we all have fat days, but just remember where you came from. As far as goal weights, that is such a personal thing. I understand what you mean though, because I struggled with the same thing. Goal weights are deffinately one of those bridges you cross when you get there. Keep the faith, never give up!
My days like that are few... but they happen. Mostly when I think that I've been at this for 16 months ALREADY and lost 170 pounds (huge feat!) but STILL HAVE MORE TO GO!!!!! I have another 57 pounds to lose and it's probably going to take me close to a year at this rate... and that p*sses me off.. so I know where you are coming from... sigh.
Uber, I think you hit the nail on the head when you said you're comparing yourself to normal weights. Those are the days you're looking down the really long road. But even though that road seems really long, it has far fewer obstacles than the road behind you.
I definitely have days like that. There are mornings I wake up and could swear the weight all crept back on overnight. Or I'm feeling really good about myself, until I try on a pair of pants that my eye ball thinks will fit, and I can't even zip them up. Or I'll feel really good about putting on size 16 pants and then I remember that's the size that most women see as their last straw size.
Oh, I get this. I was standing in the Gap dressing room today, with a pair of what they call US size 12 jeans on -- and not squeezed on, I could sit down comfortably and everything -- and you'd think that'd make me happy, right? Nope. All I could see was how bloody enormous I looked, all the sagging skin, etc. And not five minutes before, I'd looked in that same mirror, fully dressed in the clothes I wore into the shop, and thought I looked really good.
And I plan on switching it lower, once I get to my stated goal of 195, but I really can't see myself trying very hard to get any lower than about 180, which is at the top end of a normal BMI. So what? I'm 42-freaking-years-old. I want an ultimate goal weight I can maintain without killing myself. Neither one of us has to compare ourselves to people of approximately our height and build who are at the lower end of normal. That's great for them. Everybody needs a final goal they can live with as comfortably and happily as possible, otherwise, what's the point of all this hard work?
I know just how you feel and it sucks doesn't it.
Yesterday I weighed myself in the morning, shouldn't have done as it wasn't my usual weigh in day, but I did it, and it completely ruined my day. I was 2lbs up and that scale and those 2lbs ruled my day.
Even though I knew I couldn't possibly have gained 2lbs, I felt so fat all day. I kept crying, snapped at my DH and DD all day, and considered not going to my step class at lunchtime because I just wanted to hibernate.
I know I had a specific reason to feel bad (the scale number), but I have other days where I just feel like it's all too hard.
I had a similar day to you on my birthday. Went shopping in some normal stores and although I've lost 61lbs I still can't fit into anything in our UK normal clothing stores yet. I just felt like what was the point of all this hard work, I'm still classed as bigger than everyone else, an outcast, like I still don't belong.... I have days where although I've lost 61lbs it's blatantly obvious that I'm still the biggest girl in the gym and I feel like I've still got so far to go that I'll never reach my destination.
But we get over those days, we keep going because there's no other option for us now, we are too far down the road to turn back...
I have those days all the time. More so now that I'm closer to my goal than where I started. I'm not where I was but I'm not where I'm going. This limbo state can wear on a person!
ubergirl it looks like you have had some wonderful advice. It is always reassuring to know everyone goes through the similar emotions and difficulties. I just try to remember how far I have come, and 'this too will pass.'
How do you handle discouraged days?
Oh yeah and "because" is not an answer lol
