New Member Looking For Support, Hi :)
My name is Alexis and I currently weigh around 380 pounds at 5'7". I'm not positive about that number but I have a brand-new scale coming in the mail any day now. Either way it's kind of unbelievable to me that I've gotten so big. Sometimes I don't feel nearly that huge, sometimes I feel so much larger, you know what I mean? I've finally come to terms with having an eating disorder. I feel these days it's compulsive overeating but really it can swing both ways, I used to purge and fast and was underweight as a teenager.
I told a friend the other day that I don't identify as a "person" as much as a "fat person" and I think that's critical - I don't know if I'll be able to take the weight off and keep it off until I love myself enough to do it. I haven't worked in two years and have even put off school because I feel so bad about the way I look. It affects all areas of my life in a sometimes irrational way. I worry all the time that I'm going to break a chair, or a bone, to the point I worry about going out at all. Sometimes I go days without really going out or talking to anyone. I fractured both ankles in an accident last year. The doctor told me if I wasn't so big I probably would've just sprained them. I've developed sleep apnea and my asthma has also been a big problem lately. It all adds up to excuses not to enjoy life like I deserve, and I'm so sick of it.
I think and know that losing weight won't be the magic key to make everything okay, I'm facing a lot more than just food addiction - but it would be amazing to take the focus off of my body, it would be incredible to fly on a plane, sit in a chair, walk down the street and up a flight of stairs without the constant reminder.
I joined Overeaters Anonymous last year, but wound up leaving for a few months to focus on another 12-step group. I came back tonight and feel I have a better understanding of 12-step and I hope that helps me on my journey. I came here looking for other people who "get it" and can be a support, and hopefully I can do the same for others :)
I know we can do this! I lost over 100 pounds years ago - didn't keep it off - but I know that once I'm on a roll and believe in myself, it's not nearly as hard as I make it for myself.
Best of luck to all of you and I hope to post more in days to come :) I'm not really familiar with the format of forums, so please excuse my awkwardness!
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