Just checking in...I don't have much to say except that I've felt extremely emotional all day today. I know it's really weird but my grandmother is going away for a week to house-sit someone's house ALONE and I find myself really worrying about her..like to the point of anxiety. I called her today to check on her and she seemed ok. I don't know what it is, but it's brought forth a whole slew of emotions and I found myself just missing my grandfather more than ever. Mind you, my grandfather died thirteen years ago, but we were very close, he was basically my father figure. For some reason with my grandmother gone I find myself reliving this grief. Add this with the fact that I've had several dreams about him over the past few months, it makes me wonder if someone is trying to communicate with me.
I'm not even going to bother feeling guilty about being off program all day. I didn't exercise, I had sugar, and I even ate a jelly donut. Ra ra, go me.
Sigh. I hate to be depressing, but I'm really down and in the past when I get into these moves, I've avoided 3FC and then ended up gaining my weight back. I do not want to do that again.
STAY STRONG! YOU WILL JUMP BACK ON THE WAGON AND FEEL SO PROUD OF YOURSELF WHEN YOU DO! It's tough when you're grieving for a loved one. When my grandma passed the last thing on my mind was controlling my weight (and in fact I did gain the most in the years after her death while I was going through a bad bout of depression). Just try and think about what your grandfather would encourage you to do... Maybe he is trying to communicate. You just have to listen.
esmaraude: I agree with you that people do treat you differently based you size. Several years ago I had lost 90 pounds and people treated me so much differently. At work (I am a pharmacy tech) even though I was doing the exact same job at the exact same pace as when I was bigger, my bosses all of a sudden though I was super efficient and speedy. When I was bigger they viewed me as lazy...all because of my size. Sigh....unfortunately I gained most of my weight back, but I'm gonna get it off again!
thinthinker: I just love coloring my hair! It makes me feel like a new person. One month I can be chestnut brown, the next a fiery auburn Have fun at your shindig!
detroitlady: I hope that your new meds help to heal up your ulcer.
JuleeCeeS: That Revlon Run/Walk sounds like a lot of fun! It is kind of strange that they would give junk food like candy and chips in the snack boxes. You did great resisting temptation! I probably would have gobbled the chocolate down in a single gulp
Lilion: I just love Red Lobster! Especially the ceasar salads. Yummmmm....
Oh Meliss, I'm real sorry to hear you're having a hard time. When you lose someone especially close to you, time really doesn't matter, you miss them from time to time no matter how long it's been. I lost my mother when I was 22 and, nearly 20 years later, some of my happiest moments are also my saddest. I cried when my son was born, not tears of joy, but sadness because my mother would never see her grandson. Same with my graduation from law school, my wedding, and sometimes, just for no special reason at all. There are times I wonder if she'd be proud of me. But you know, I'm sure that somewhere, my mother sees me and is happy for my accomplishments and shares my sad times too. Be stong and remember the best times and don't let grief make you fail at your weight loss goals. I'm sure your grandfather would be proud you're working to make yourself healthier. Don't beat yourself up over what you ate today...maybe you really needed that jelly donut. Now you don't need one tomorrow and you can start fresh! (((huggs)))
Well, I was pretty good at Red Lobster. I did eat only two cheddar bay biscuits. I had the grilled salmon and the stuffed flounder, which might have been pretty fattening, but I don't think it'd be too bad. Drank ton's of water! And didn't have dessert, even though hubby tried to get me to split cheesecake. I told him to quit suggesting stuff like that and making me be the bad guy that says no 'cause it's just not fair!
I'm posting another recipe on the recipe thread. It's sugar-free fresh strawberry pie. One of my favorite summer treats! If you like strawberries, you'll love this!
Happy Mother's Day to all the mommies on this list! "See" you ladies Monday!
Tammara, thank you for your kind words, I really appreciate it. I feel like I am neglecting this board because I haven't been making much of an effort to get to know everyone, and I really do feel massively guilty for it.
Lillion - Thank you for your story. I feel the same way about my grandmother, I am so close to her and something she said today really hit me hard. She said that she wants to be alive when I have children...it just broke my heart because of my PCOS, I don't even know if that will be possible...also, there is the little matter of not having a boyfriend at the moment, even though I know one day when the time is right I will be back with owen (my "ex"...even though I hate to call him that because that has such a negative connotation).
I know what you're going through, and I understand how these kinds of events can stir up memories. But I know you can be strong. And if it takes you a while to get back with us, we understand. It's not easy. God, I know it's not easy.
We lost my father over a year ago to cancer, leaving my oldest brother Kevin and I to clean out all the memories of the house we grew up in. That was so hard; besides losing Dad it was like we'd lost Phil (our other brother) and especially Mom all over again. Mom passed away ten yers ago now, also from cancer, but there was still so much of her in that place, and Phil was only 19 when he was in a fatal car accident sixteen years ago . . . I shudder when I stop to realize that over half my family is gone now.
I was already lost in my own personal **** when Phil died. I was just a kid and was already struggling with my weight and self-esteem issues. I went through quite a spell of doing absolutely nothing but feel sorry for myself after we lost Mom, and I didn't fare much better when Dad died.
But time has a way of healing things; I was young when I lost my mom (I was just 19) and even though I miss her terribly at the moments I'm supposed to be happy, I take comfort in the fact that lost loved ones would have wanted us to take care of ourselves and find happiness. Don't beat yourself up over occasionally giving in to temptation, just remember that we're here for you and we'll understand if you need some time to yourself. And I honestly believe our lost loved ones are watching over us in some way, so when you're ready, do what you can to make them proud.
Missmeliss-I lost my dad over 18 years ago. It crushed me. I often think that is when I quit caring about myself. A couple of years ago, someone told me a story that when you find a coin on the ground, it is that loved one sending you a message. My father always picked up coins. He would walk on Sunday mornings through the parking lots outside bars just because he knew the drunks often dropped coins getting their keys out. Ever since then, on days when I am having a particularly hard time, I always find a coin. I view it as my dad telling me that he is with me, and will help me get through the day. I take a lot of comfort from that. Complicated grief, is an issue that you may eventually need to address in a therapeutic setting.
I am having a slow weekend. Looking forward to my swim tomorrow. My scale has gotten out of whack. I'm going to have to get it calibrated tomorrow. I find it hard to believe that I gained 8 pounds this week after walking over 7 miles and 3 hours of swimming. It gets banged around alot in this small apartment. If I gained 8 pounds after staying OP, lost another 1/2 inch on my waist, and getting the most exercise I've gotten in 15 years, I'm going to have the doctor send me to a specialist to figure out what is going on. It would be nice to have someone tell me exactly how many calories I'm supposed to eat. I will stick to whatever works, but I don't seem capable of figuring it out. First step is to double check the scale. If that is okay, then I'll double check every label and measurement of what I am eating. After that, I'll need specialized help. This doesn't make any logical sense, so I am going to have to have help I guess.
I hope all you that are mothers have a wonderful day. And even those of you that aren't, enjoy the day as well. It is beautiful here, in the mid 70's today. MY kind of weather, not too hot, not too cold.
Happy Mother's Day, chicks. I hope everyone is having a better day.
Catherine, i may be totally wrong on this, but i think to figure out how many calories you need to eat, you multiply 11 x your goal wt. This also is true for maintanence. When someone gets to goal wt, multiply 11 x goal wt, and that amount of calories is what you need to maintain your wt. Also, is it possible with all the excersise you are doing, that you are building muscle, and that is what is causing the scale increase?
MissMeliss: Sorry to hear your having a rough time. I lost my father last summer, and i dont think i have properly grieved over him. I think of him alot, and i miss him. Catherine's story of the coins brought a smile to my face
Well, i am at work so better go. Have a great day. I have managed to actually stayon program today, and i lived to tell about me doing Tae-Bo last night.
Hi gang, Having a pretty bad weekend. Got caught up grieving last night, ended up staying up writing until about 3 a.m., which meant I woke up late and cranky and I've been on an eating binge. But I am counting these calories. I guess I'll finally know what a binge actually does.
Mel--I think your mantra for a while should be No More Guilt. Don't feel guilty about us, don't feel guilty about that jelly donut. Maybe there's something or other you've done that's Really Bad, but these things sure aren't, so try to be a little nicer to yourself, wouldja?
Catherine--Do you think the blip on the scale could be water? I've certainly gained 4 or 5 pounds just from eating too much salt for a few days, then lost it when I got back to normal eating.
Catherine, Kymberly--The 11xweight formula is a rough calculation for maintaining weight if you're fairly sedentary. So, the formula I used for years (which came from a report from the National Institutes of Health) was this: (11 x my current weight) - 1000 = 7000 calories deficit / week, which should produce 2 pounds lost / week ... and exercise would, in theory, produce a larger deficit. BUT... this is a ROUGH caluculation, and the reality depends on individual metabolism. Also, notice that this method involves reducing calories as you lose weight (since "11 x current weight" changes every time your current weight does). (That formula worked really well for me the last time I had a significant loss... this time around I'm not doing well sticking to my limits.)
Last edited by Angela_aka_Alice; 05-08-2005 at 04:01 PM.
Greetings ladies and Happy Mothers day to all. I'm haveing a hard time with Mothers day because of greif isssues. It's so amazing how just as I start to identify a reason for how I"m feeling, one of you beautiful ladies writes a peice of my story. I lost my mom 1 1/2 yrs ago and its fresh every day. I carry tons of guilt, well, actually an extra 100 lbs of guilt about how I did and didn't deal with her being ill and family matters that caused the deepest deppression I ever suffered. Everytime I was with her she would remind me that the same was in my future if I didn't do something now. I know she was right because I am her carbon copy. I am alot heavier than she ever was and I watch her personal battle my whole life. Now I working on avoiding the future I've already had a glimps of. Yesterday I had a huge battle with my grandmother( a fat hater) over what she has done with moms personal stuff. Today I sit here with my entire living room full of boxes of things I managed to get away from my grandmother before she had her YARD SALE. There is only personal value to this stuff but her mission feels like she has to make my mom disappear.Everytime I try to go through a box I start crying and come back here to read other threads to change my thoughts. OK.....now I've dumped my garbage out here I appologize for being a downer in such a happy place. I'll be sure my next entry has happy, happy stuff. Thanks for the chance to vent.
I am still on my plan even through this junk and please someone help me sign up for the 2x2 thing monday.
HAPPY MOTHERS DAY EVERYONE! Hope you all are doing well. I weigh in tomorrow. I am nervous...afraid of dissappointment i guess. But whatever i failed in this week i will just have to learn from next! Everyone keep up the great work!
Well I am now siting here with a heat wrap on my back. My legs feel fine now but my lower back is hurting...it feels like my old disc pain...but I am hoping that it will dissipate in a day or two.
I am very fortunate to still have my parents. My mom lost both of her parents and I don't know if there was a grieving process. My stepmom lost both of her parents and she finds her own ways to grieve. My dad lost both of his parents and has not grived adequately...he is too stubborn to get the help we all know that he needs for both his physical and emotional health. I got to a point with the family after my paternal grandfather died that I had to avoid family gatherings because everything was the first _______ sinec grandpa died. My grandfather embraced joy and life more than any one person ever has. He wasn't a complainer or a brooder and would not have wanted us to be like that. It really bothered me that everyone got so focused on how sad things were and couldn't rememebr how wonderful things were because of my grandfather and embrace joy in his memory.
In the Jewish tradition, when someone dies, you begin the process of "shiva" after the funeral, which when done to the letter of the law is 7 days of pretty hard-core mourning. You do not leave your home, you do not wear shoes (luxury and comfort), your mirrors are all covered (vanity), you sit on low hard chairs or benches and people come to you to comfort you...and of course, you eat. Meals are brought to the mourning family because they should not have to worry about food. In fact you are under no obligation to even respond when someone offers their condolences, because people are supposed to be there for you. There are a few things that you can break shiva for, and at the end of the 7 days, you are supposed to actually go out and take a walk around the block as a physical sign of beginning to reintegrate into the normalcy of daily life and to your community. All in all Judaism has a lot of very beautiful rituals when it comes to death and dying and acknowledging a person's need to withdraw and mourn.
My mother's parents (and my mother's side of the family) were not observant at all. In fact both of my mother's parents were cremated...which just sickened me. When my paternal grandfather died, and we did have a funeral and sit shiva, I truly felt like I was sitting shiva for all of them together. I was also so thankful to have that opportunity to get closure on the death's of my maternal grandparents, because all that happened after they were both gone was my mother asking me what I wanted from their apartment.
Everyone mourns and grieves in different ways...some by crying, some by writing, some by withdrawing, some by eating, and so on. I hope that for each of you who is now grieving that you find ways to get the solace you are searching for and that in your grief you remember that you are alive and there are so many ways to perpetuate the memory of a loved one who is gone.
I too want to wish everyone a HAPPY MOTHERS DAY !!!
Mine started off bad. Husband disappointed me, son made me mad, daughter in another state .... BUT ..... it ended up being a very nice day.
In fact... it was one of the BEST by days end.
My granddaughters were loving all over me... that always makes a me happy.
My kids were very loving and attentive too. Had a great Mexican dinner out at one of my favorite places to eat. Treated myself to a small sliver of cheesecake. Ahhhhhh !!!! Heaven on Earth.
Okay... I am out of here. I sure hope I kept my 2 lbs off so I can claim a victory tomorrow for the 2x2.
Last edited by 2cute2Bfat; 05-08-2005 at 07:05 PM.
It's so amazing how just as I start to identify a reason for how I"m feeling, one of you beautiful ladies 
writes a peice of my story. I lost my mom 1 1/2 yrs ago and its fresh every day. 
I carry tons of guilt, well, actually an extra 100 lbs of guilt about how I did and didn't deal with her being ill and family matters that caused the deepest deppression I ever suffered. Everytime I was with her she would remind me that the same was in my future if I didn't do something now. I know she was right because I am her carbon copy. I am alot heavier than she ever was and I watch her personal battle my whole life. Now I working on avoiding the future I've already had a glimps of. 
Yesterday I had a huge battle with my grandmother( a fat hater) 
over what she has done with moms personal stuff. Today I sit here with my entire living room full of boxes 
of things I managed to get away from my grandmother before she had her YARD SALE. There is only personal value to this stuff but her mission feels like she has to make my mom disappear.Everytime I try to go through a box I start crying and come back here to read other threads to change my thoughts. OK.....now I've dumped my garbage out here I appologize for being a downer in such a happy place. I'll be sure my next entry has happy, happy stuff. Thanks for the chance to vent. 
Husband disappointed me, son made me mad, daughter in another state .... BUT ..... it ended up being a very nice day. 
Treated myself to a 
