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Book study /Chapter 3 / May16-May22

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Old 05-16-2004, 12:54 AM   #1
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Thumbs up Book study /Chapter 3 / May16-May22

Greetings to all lurkers and posters.
This is going to be a new thread topic focused on "studying" Dr Phils The Ultimate Weight Solution
We invite you to read the entire book or take it one chapter at a time, following the discussion within this thread.

Each Sunday we will start discussing a new chapter for that week.
This will be a 12 week program. We hope all of you join in every week.

If you just now found this site... be sure and go back and read all the threads for each previous chapter we did.
If you are joining us late... just go back and read each chapter and add your comments in that chapters thread. Be sure to let us know in the current thread so we can go back and read your comments.

It is recommended you have a pen, pencil and/or a colored highlighter with you as you read.
Mark every word, sentence, phrase or paragraph that hit home for YOU.
Read each chapter as if you are going to be tested .. (You're not going to be tested)
Then come to this thread and share what hit home for you... what you took away with you from that chapter and how you are incorporating it into YOUR life.
Feel free to post often ... you may get a dozen different topics you want to share per each chapter.

I know many can read the entire book in an evening... others will need a week... while some of us may need the entire 12 weeks. There are 12 chapters ... plus a few extra topics at the end. But the idea of this thread is to share what we learned from each chapter and learn from others insights.

You do not have to be a Dr. Phil fan... many here are not. BUT... let's face it... we can all learn something new that just might be what will make a difference.
Each Sunday anyone can feel free to copy and paste this introduction and then start the new study.
Be sure to title it Book Study /Chapter #/ date-date
We are looking forward to reading everyones input.

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Old 05-16-2004, 12:58 AM   #2
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Good evening ladies. I have been MIA due to out of town company but I wanted to get this week's thread started for Chapter 3. Someone mentioned we might want to do two chapters this week. I have not even looked at Chapter 3 yet so give it a read and let me know what everyone thinks.
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Old 05-16-2004, 11:15 AM   #3
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I've read Chapter 3 already this morning.

I think we should each do the quiz and then move on to the first Key in the next chapter. That is a big one and we might spend two weeks on it and we need to go slow so that you, 2Cute, don't fall behind.

How is this for undecisiveness? I have a super busy week coming up as DH's second son and his family are coming up next weekend from Louisiana.

Two choices:
1. Make this a light week since 2Cute will be crazed with wedding activities and wait for her.
2. Work ahead slowly and take two weeks to cover the first key as its a biggie.

Group vote?
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Old 05-16-2004, 12:11 PM   #4
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Good morning ladies. I can't post comletely on this chapter yet because I have not read it yet... but ... I have scanned a few questions and I think we need to allow time for a few people to respond to this chapter of questions. I fear we might only scan these questions and a few of them are DEEP for me and they might be deep for others too. A couple of examples....

# 3 ... "I am ready to temporarily give up any friends who do not totally support me and may wish to sabotage my weight-management efforts. "
WHOA !! That is some "serious" committment. I would have to live alone to accomplish this one. My husband is a major "verbal" supporter... but will also be the first to say.. "hey, lets go get an ice cream". I can't temporarily give my husband up. I think we could definitely share experiences here of how to deal with this.

# 8 "willing to "CONFRONT" myself and others"
I don't know about you guys... but that is DEEP for me.
CONFRONT!!!
My role in life has ALWAYS been the "peace maker". Never rock the boat.
I solve confrontations... I don't start them. !!!!
This is deep for me... is it for anyone else.??

#9 .. "willing to change my job !!!"
Doesn't anyone else need to talk about that one ??
That is a MAJOR DEEP one in my eyes.

I just don't want to skim this chapter. I really want to "study" what it is saying.
Like I said.. I have not read even all the questions yet... and it does seem to be a short chapter and we may not need an entire week on it... but I just don't want to skim over it when it has a lot of IMPORTANT commitments.

As for waiting for me... I will be able to catch up after the wedding.
All of us will at some time or another have to play catch up because of life getting in the way.
Anyone can always catch up even if they don't find us until Chapter 7 or later.
Newcomers can read and post in each chapter study and just let us know they have posted back in Chapter 2 or 5 if you know what I mean. We are sharing and learning from each other. There is no time frame limiting that.

Just don't skim this important chapter. SHARE YOUR FEARS of these questions.
Surely I am not the only one who was set back a moment by a few of these questions.
Which questions stopped you dead in your tracks.??
What tips do you have to share on how you are capable of doing some of these?

Okay... gotta run. To be honest... I am kind of glad I don't have to deal with this chapter yet.
Oh. by the way... my visit with my company from Nebraska is going GREAT!!!!
We have not seen each other in 6 years and I am really enjoying myself...
but missing all of you.

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Old 05-16-2004, 01:03 PM   #5
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Terri: I am with you and am going on to the next chapter. I "breezed" through answering the questions and am at "zero hour". I feel ready.

2Cute: I read this in a magazine and had to share it with you.

Perfectionism "is a pretend way to make believe you have power to control things". Trying to be perfect becomes the way to prove you are worthy or to get approval.

WOW, that really hit me between the eyes. I had a moment. I always "thought" trying to get everything right/perfect was a way to show I cared. I feel a load of pressure easing out of me. IF controlling the situation by being perfect isn't about the other person I can let it go. I always thought that making the situation perfect would show the person I loved them so now that it isn't conveying that message anyway I can relax!!!
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Old 05-16-2004, 08:35 PM   #6
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HONEST??? We have to be honest?

I'm taking the book and my pen to bed with me tonight when I go.
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Old 05-17-2004, 01:50 AM   #7
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Lightbulb sorry it is so long.

Well.. I started and finished reading Chapter 3. It does not take a long time I agree.
But I do have stuff to share within it.
My answers are in regular black lettering.
The quotes are in bold and different colors.

First... Lucky.. I agree about "perfectionism". Especially the part about "being worthy of".
I have spent my whole life being a perfectionist .. unsuccessfully. LOL
I always thought that a perfectionist was someone who had to do everything Perfectly.
WRONG !!!

A perfectionist (to me) is someone who "wants" it done perfectly but since that is unrealistic they are always defeated or wanting or unworthy.
The "unworthy" really hits home for me. I have always worked for worthiness.
While growing up I always heard... "what did you do to deserve this?"
I never felt deserving... thus never felt worthy.
To this day... I HATE recieving gifts because I feel unworthy of them.
Even though I am a GOOD mother... I am not a perfect mother .. thus undeserving.

I worked very hard to learn that "Good is good enough".
I use that line all the time now. I even believe it. LOL

But.. "worthiness" is still something I have to work at accepting.

Anyway... on with my interpetation of Chapter 3.

"harder to treat than cancer...
people change only when ready , you need to find the state of your readiness....


I had a score of 16 on my profile of readiness. I had NO no's.... 2 undecided and 2 between yes and undecided.
The iffys were ....
# 2... Ready to throw away clothes that are too big and no longer fit me.
FEAR steps in here. When you fail, the last thing you want to do is go buy new FAT clothes. I know my mind set has to be... "I WILL NOT FAIL !!!" Add that to the fact I have clothes I have owned for 25 years and it is HARD to do this. BUT .. I am willing to give it a try. I will go through my clothes.

# 9 ...willing to change my job...
This is ironic since I don't even have a job. LOL I guess this is the "perfectionist" in me.
If I had a job would I be willing to change ? I guess I am thinking of others here too.
People have to earn a living... and jobs are hard to find.... surely there is another option.
BUT..If it came down to staying FAT or changing my job... WOULD I ???
I am on the fence on this one.

# 10 willing to throw away ALL problem food
This is taking the bottle away from the alcoholic. This is also taking the food away from my family... my grandkids. My problem food may not be theirs.... like bread and butter... or potatoes.
Or I may not like their favorite goodies.. but still cannot resist temptation .. even if I don't really like them.
Do I make them sacrifice because I can't control it??
YES !!! I think I have changed my answer on this one. I am NOT asking them to not eat it... I am just not going to have it in my home. There are plenty of substitutions available for them. They can bring it when they come if they want it here.. and then take it home with them. I am worthy of asking my husband to sacrifice on occasion for my HEALTH.

Now for the scoring...
0-3 Comfort Zone...
By taking a seat in the comfort zone, you remove yourself from the fear of reaching your goals and the fear of possibly failing.

You have the primary responsibilty for initiating change in your life.

If your weight problem is to change... then YOU have to CHANGE

What can I do to get healthy control ..?


4-10 Fence sitting (This describes me the most even though my score did not match.
You are wavering between the pros and cons of change: "I'd like to be slim BUT I don't want to give up my favorite foods" ... "I know I should exercise, BUT I don't think I can make the effort"

You are afraid of what you might have to give up in order to change...
Mental tug of war....
You can't go anywhere while you're straddling a fence !!!!! ....
Put off till next week , next month, next holiday or special occasion.

ASK YOURSELF ... do you want to continue to be part of this life-wrecking, spirit-breaking epidemic of overweight and obesity? DO YOU ??? You must decide once and for all .... IT is NOT okay to accept living life as a fence-sitter. GET OFF THE FENCE.


11-15 Crossroads
Same-old same-old just doesn't cut it anymore.
Committing to CHANGE
ACTION
Don't plan yourself to death. LOL
*** Life rewards action... NOT good intention.. not insight ... not understanding ****
To have what you want .. you have to do what it takes.
The time is NOW

I liked this one....Crossroads.

16-20 Zero Hour
No turning back... it's not too late... you deserve more .... wipe the slate clean... reclaim your health and your life .
I don't care how much it hurts to change.
You want more.. so you are ready to do more
Already taking action... YOU make it happen
Committed... Focused


EXPECT SUCCESS
No matter where you ended up on this readiness continuum, no matter how much you weigh, no matter how disgusted you are with what you see in the mirror, NOW IS YOUR CHANCE.
using the seven keys..
Believe me when I tell you... IT IS POSSIBLE, YOU can do it, YOU are worth it.
You have what it takes... now is the time to do it.


Whew... I wrote a lot more than I planned. It took me longer to write about it than it did to read it.
I guess I needed to read it.. needed to write it ... and need to now DO IT !!!!

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Old 05-17-2004, 02:09 AM   #8
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Okay... we will keep this site up and going all week ... but I will also start the next... Chapter 4 .
If you are on chapter 3 ... take as much time as you need.
If you are ready to move on to #4 ... it is up and ready. I will join you soon.
We will see how everyone feels about two weeks for Chapter 4 at the end of the week.

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Old 05-17-2004, 08:47 AM   #9
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Well, I'm in the crossroads section, which really suprised me, I would have thought of myself as a fence setter This just pointed out what I already knewbut didn't want to admitt (here's that honestything again)

Losing weight is not the most important thing in my life. I once had a friend who had lost over a 100 pounds before I met her, and she kept telling me that to lose that much, loosing weight had to be the most improtant thing in your life. Well, I wasn't ready then, and I'm not ready for that now.

Yes I want to lose weight and I need to lose weight, and I will do almostanything to do it, but the one thing I will not do, is make myself miserable while I'm doing it. Does that make any sense? I will not deprive myself of everything I enjoy just to lose weight. But I believe that I can have it all!!! Is that possible? We'll see.

Here's the parts I have to work on:

Same-old same-old , going with the flow just dosn't cut it anymore.

chasing after the latest, greatest quick-fix to come along. You would just have to look at my collection of diet book, suppliments, and yes, even bottles of diet pills to know how true that one it.

Don't plan and prepare yourself to death Wooops!!! that me, always planning an full of good intentions, great idea, but no action
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Old 05-18-2004, 10:01 PM   #10
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I finally had some thoughts on Chapter 3.

It is very frightening to be confronted with questions about if I'd give up family, friends, or even a job that was contributing to being overweight. I think part of that is not being aware of how our environment is harmful.

When I think of the type of family that needs to be left behind are the ones that are saying destructive things to keep someone overweight. A type of person who manipulates or belittles. Overweight or not, if there is someone doing that, they need to be left behind because of being toxic to a person's self-esteem. There was a post on a thread that I read today, that mentions that her husband wasn't all that interested in the progress she made other than to say that she better not lose any more from her chest. He was more concerned about her boobs than her emotional and physical well being.

Otherwise, I do believe that you have to confront family members that make it easy for you to cheat. That doesn't have to be hard. I've had many conversations with DH about what I'm trying to achieve and why its important to me. And the most progress I've made in six years was to show him that I am committed by sticking with my plans and by getting him to a couple of WW meetings where he could understand the program better. And he could see how happy it made me when I got to raise my hand and say I'd lost 25 pounds.

Barb.G - I have found that the more I don't have the things I said I never wanted to give up, the less that I even think about them. I agree that it should not be about giving up everything you enjoy but maybe changing your relationship with those foods and enjoying them in moderation and control. I had to have a tough love conversation with myself to decide that if I really wanted to lose weight or to have the food. But I had to make a choice and live with it. If I didn't want to give up the food for a healthier lifestyle than I needed to just shup up about it and quit making myself depressed and miserable for not achieving what I thought I wanted. Maybe you won't find yourself at that crossroad. Good luck!

2Cute - I have found it very liberating to get rid of clothes that were now too big. I agree that it is scary to let go of the past and leave ourselves a cushion for when we fail. Which just sets us up for failure. As he says...we life what we believe.
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Old 05-19-2004, 01:41 AM   #11
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I LOVE everything you guys have written. Thank you
I can't post.. I am pulling another all nighter... I HATE PROCRASTINATION !!!
I am finding out ... my daughter is as bad as I am.
We sat up until 3am last night listening to music.
Just toooooooo many good songs.
This should have been done MONTHS ago.
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Old 05-19-2004, 02:57 PM   #12
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I'm a little behind with the book stuff, but I realized that my PERFECTIONISM, my all or nothng attitude, was going to prevent me from taking these most important, cathartic, progressive, pro-active steps to weight loss and healthy living. That realization hit me like a ton of bricks. It applies to so many areas of my way of thinking, It explains my procrastination. Why I never follow through on anything. Why I have so many half begun projects. The scariest thing of all was when I noticed the same way of thinking in my son. What have I done? It is time for a change.

I scored 20 on the readiness profile. I am ready to do whatever it takes to change.

Some phrases that I underlined, re-wrote and re-read today:

You have become so sick of your habits and your pattern of living that you realize you can no longer live your life in that way. It's what alcoholics call "hitting rock bottom" or what others call "reaching the end of my rope."

I have often equated myself with an alcoholic, food being my 'drink of choice.' Yes, I have hit rock bottom. My name is Kat, I am a food addict.

It's when you decide to reclaim your health and your life.


You have boldly said to yourself, "that's enough, I don't care how much it hurts to change, I don't care what I have to give up. I won't take this another second, another day of my life, I am ready."

You are ready to start living strategically.

Your old way of living is thrown off like a dirty shirt.
I love the image I conjure up for this one! I'm unzipping my fat suit, stepping out of it, tossing it aside and blithely going on with my life. Cue the sunshine, rainbow and birds singing from Terri's scenario!

Change will happen because you make it happen.

IT IS POSSIBLE, YOU CAN DO IT, YOU ARE WORTH IT.


I most certainly am, and so are all of you!
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