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Discouraged And Wondering What's The Point

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Old 10-22-2013, 07:44 AM   #16
A new year and a new me!
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Hi Teresa ...

Ive lost a lot in total too .. and I knew when I started this journey it wasnt going to be a short one .. and I also knew I would fall off the wagon a few times .. regardless of how good my intentions were. Do I regret the fall offs? Heck yes! Maybe if I had just stuck to it then I would have reached my goal by now .. after all .. I started here in June 2006 ... but its only been the last few months that I have really done well ... the rest of the time its been the 10 pounds here and there ... and then half of that would come on back when I went off again ..

This journey .. for those that are aiming for really HIGH weight losses over 100 pounds seems endless ... gees .. just thinking about what you have already lost I picture 100 blocks of butter ... 50 blocks of cheese .. INCREDIBLE! But Im sure at the start of the journey for that first 100 it seemed overwhelming. Im about 12 pounds away from my 100 .... and now Im stunned .. because I forgot about the big figure .. being so focused on the week by week .. month by month .. ten by ten pounds ... and thats it ... I CANT lose 100 pounds .. but I CAN lose 10 pounds .. 10 times ... .to start with

I dont have an ideal weight .. I just know I want to get into a certain size lol .. and I thought after losing this much I would be pretty close to it ... but nooooo ... my measurements havent really changed all that much ... Im still only just fitting into a 22 (better than the 24-26-28 I have been for the last couple of years I suppose) .. but its only in the last 3 months that I have lost 30+ pounds and Im wondering why I havent gone down a size! Admittedly my arms are a little smaller .. and my face has lost weight .. but gees .. how much fat did the face hold!?

I do know now without a "real" goal I do tend to go off the rails without any arm twisting ... so Im lucky to have a firm goal to get me back on track ... Im getting married in 7 weeks ... the only sad thing is that even though my goal is 50 pounds by the wedding I dont really think the dress will be getting made any smaller .. which is gutting really .. cos I thought that there should be a BIG change .. I too have seen those darn shows where they lose 30-50 pounds and they have gone from a 16 to a 6 .. I mean really .. but I do understand the bigger sizes cater for a wider range of inches than the smaller ones so I suppose the 1" I lose now wouldnt make as big a difference as if I was smaller.

I have had a few friends do the different surgeries available .. and only 1 has really been a success ... another is still working on getting to her goal .. and the other one reached her goal .. but hated her body so much that she learnt how to cheat and put most of it back on Its not about losing the weight I have realised .. that is actually a really small part of this journey. Its more what is inside that makes this work or not.

I try to work on my thoughts and feelings and reactions now more than I used to ... used to be easier to just ignore how I felt and push it down .. but then something would upset me and of course that would trigger a binge or "why bother" and then off the rail I would go .. then would come the guilt for doing it .. which of course triggered another binge and the further I would go .. until the world calmed down and allowed me to take another look at myself only to realise I really need to focus etc and start again. I still have off days .. I still have days when I wonder will I do this ... but then .. I didnt think I would get below 300 pounds either .. so maybe I really am stronger than I thought ... and I would say .. If you have reached that elusive 100 once .. you can hit it again .. and again .. and you can achieve whatever you want to do.

The only down thing for me on this journey is exercise. I have been involved in 14 car accidents (none of which I was driving .. my nickname became CTD - Crash Test Dummy), and have had most bones in my body broken or dislocated or sprained .. regardless .. lots of damage .. so the ability to do a lot of exercise isnt great ... but I have fun with Richard Simmons dvds ... and on the days that I am feeling more than usual pain that I had planned to get some sort of exercise .. I do chair workouts instead .. and gradually building up the muscles around the worst parts of my body is helping to keep me going .. even if its 5 min a day lifting little 1-3 pound weights. The days that I do a lot of physical activity arent often .. as it usually takes me a few days to recover ... but it is doable ...

Sooo .. 1 year on .. is it worth it? Heck yes ... I may not be at the goal yet .. I may not be as active as I thought I would have been .. I may not be the size I thought I should have fit by now ... but Im not the size I was ... I breath a little easier .. I feel excited about losing weight (finally!) ... and I have still got at least another year of this ... and that may not get me to the "ideal" weight .. but I hope it will get me to an ideal weight for me .. where I am still happy in my skin even if its not what the rest of the world thinks is best. You can do it Teresa ... heck .. you already are .. and as long as you keep questioning yourself .. you havent given in .. or up ... when the journey is long .. you are human asking questions along the way ... not a machine getting through each day ...

Hugs .. and hey .. if you want .. join in the Christmas Challenge .. its pretty laid back ... lots of support too ..


:Goal 1 - 300 pounds - reached 9.09.13 Goal 2 - 264.6 by 2/12/13 : reached 26.11.13
Goal 3 - 240 reached 23.05.14: Goal 4 - 220
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Old 10-22-2013, 09:18 AM   #17
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I had a lot of pain and health issues when I started, and I still do. There have been significant improvements, but they have been so gradual and subtle that I would BET that I wouldn't have noticed them if I hadn't been documenting.

However, I also have found that my pain levels have been improved more by sleep apnea treatment, sleep, gentle exercise, the right pain medication, and avoiding wheat and limiting sugar, than by my weight loss.

I would never have noticed any of those improvements if I had not kept a symptom/pain/food log. (Healthminder is a good one, but you can look at it on amazon using their Look Inside feature and make your own).

When I started, I couldn't work and had filed for and gotten on disability. I'm still disabled and acheiving weight loss may not change that (probably won't change that).

I can sink into "what's the use?" depression and discouragement if I allow myself to, but it's no more useful or realistic than saying, because of the mouth pain I have, " what's the use of brushing my teeth? They don't feel any better afterward. I still get cavities and other dental problems.

Our doctor told my husband and I that we couldn't count on weight loss reversing our blood sugar issues (at the time, hubby was taking insulin and pills for diabetes and I was on metformin for insulin resistance). However weight loss would likely slow or stop the progression of the disease. Hubby has had blood sugar improvements through diet, exercise and weight loss. My fasting blood sugar has slowly crept up, closer and closer, then into the diabetic range.

Our doctor also told me that my arthritis pain would improve with weight loss, but my fibromyalgia and autoimmune pain might get better, might stay the same, or might even get worse with weight loss.

I find the fibro pain and brain fog get dramatically worse with any drastic change (even good changes) in my behavior or environment. Unfortunately, my weight loss has stopped progressing from gradual changes. I find myself having to choose between pain relief amd weight loss.

It sucks, but was is the alternative. If I give up, I will gain bacl all I've lost, and probably another 5-10% as I always do, which will amount to an extra 30-40 lbs.

When I was young, I didn't work very hard at weight loss, because my weight wasn't holding me back from anything I wanted badly enough to do. I didn't have the pain and disability I have now. The incentive was too low I guess.

Now I'm so desperate to lose and keep the weight off, on the flimsy and invisible, unobservable prospect that I might never feel better, but I might possibly not get worse as quickly as if I didn't lose weight.

If I'm successful, I will never know if it is working. I have to take it on faith that my pain would or could be worse if I weren't working at weight loss. Just as I have to take it on faith that brushing, flossing, cleanings, and other dental hygeine is worth doing even if I don't feel any better (or even worse) afterward.

You can give up, but is that going to help. Are you going to feel better or just possibly not worse (that you can notice).Is it going to help health problems you can't see, but might be there.

Weight loss can prevent, slow or lessen the damage of many cancers. Not getting cancer isn't going to be a benefit you can see or feel.

Sustaining motivation is hard, but largely because we're taught to see it that way. Feeling frustrated and giving up has become an almost socially mandated part of the weight loss ritual. To succeed, you have to consciously decide to opt out. You have to trust that the benefits are there even if you can't see them.

Your alternative is to eat whatever and whenever you want and accept whatever conseqiences that brings, whether it be diabetes, high blood pressure, cancer, heart disease, stroke or just not ever feeling better than you do right now.

You can do this, and it probably will be worth it, but there are no absolute guarantee, but the really valuable stuff in life never comes with a guarantee.
My Etsy shop (currently closed for the summer)

etsy link by permission from 3fc! Want to add yours? Ask them!
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Old 11-19-2013, 01:22 PM   #18
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The funny thing is that I tend to do a very "opposite of NSV" type approach because I too have the same feelings. Sometimes we are in a weight range where even a high number of lbs lost does not make a difference. I find that if I look for benefits to losing an X amt of weight, I start searching for them (are these pants getting looser or am I imagining it?) and then I get depressed when I realize that nope!, pants are the same.

So all I do is make sure that I consistently what I want to eat, instead of eating to fit in or to numb feelings, work out at least somewhat regularly and that's that - little thought to it so much so that its now second nature. Once I researched what sort of eating plan works for me (combo of intermittent fasting, Paleo, cal counting) I just do them as they are a part of my routine, whether I see the benefits in my pants or not. I know in the back of my mind that it is working as I am seeing SLIGHT benefits, but overall, I don't think about it at all. Somehow it makes me super unhappy and questioning how big my NSVs really are.

So maybe simply doing what you do cause its just part of your day approach might work for you. The most I do is make sure that my scale is either around a consistent range or going a lil down.

I listened to my gut and it said "You could do with less of me."
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Old 01-09-2014, 05:54 PM   #19
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Hi everybody. I just wanted to say 1) Thanks for all your wonderful and heartfelt replies. They really meant a great deal to me. 2) I'm sorry it took me so long to reply. I kinda sunk into a depression after that post. I just gave up. Gained about 15 pounds and felt like who really cares.

At the moment I'm trying to rebound. Back on Weight Watchers and really hoping to see it through this time. I'm not sure if it's going to work but I'm going to give it a try.

Again, thank you all and I'm sorry for taking so long to reply.

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.

~Orson Welles
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Old 01-09-2014, 06:24 PM   #20
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Remember that as you get lighter/smaller the physical changes you see will be amplified. Think of a balloon... When it it blown up big and you let a little air out... Not much of a size difference. When the balloon is not blown up as big and you let the same amount of air out... More noticeable change in size.

The important thing in this comparison is that you are letting the air out, for all the reasons mentioned. As you lose weight your size changes (and obvious visual changes) will start to happen more quickly
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Old 01-10-2014, 06:21 AM   #21
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"Admittedly my arms are a little smaller .. and my face has lost weight .. but gees .. how much fat did the face hold?"....nighkatt this really made melaugh. When I lost a whole heap of weight in 2012...people noticed but teh most frequent comment was "I can reallysee it in your face!" it made me so mad....I wanted people to see the weight loss in my butt not my face!
Kaplods: Haven't seen you post for ages. You always make so much sense!
Current weight: 362lbs
Goal: Under 280lbs by my 50th in October...then we shall see!

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Old 01-11-2014, 11:57 PM   #22
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Teresa, So glad to see you back. Hang in there. You will notice changes as your loss continues, I believe it. Who cares? We care! You care!

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Old 01-23-2014, 09:50 PM   #23
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Your post made me sad for you. You deserve to feel so proud of what you've accomplished so far!! And if you can't cheer for yourself, I'm glad you're on here so we can cheer for you!!
I'm wondering, and please, please don't take this as a criticism- have you talked to your doctor about how you're feeling? You may have a little depression going on and possibly, some therapy and/or medication might be helpful right now.
And I only say this because you deserve to feel proud of yourself- not hopeless.
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Old 01-26-2014, 01:26 AM   #24
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Hi Jaymie,

I don't take offense at all! About a decade ago, in my 20's I was on anti-depressants/anxiety meds, Klonapin and Paxil. One of them made me terribly sleepy, like to the point where I was falling asleep at my desk at work. The other...well, this may sound sort of silly, but it made me start hearing things. Only at night and only when I was trying to get to sleep. I'd hear scratching in my pillow or people calling my name. I thought I was going nuts but the doc said it was a normal side affect. The truth is I didn't feel any better/different on the medication. My insurance ran out not long after and I stopped taking them. Fast forward 10 years later and I'm unemployed now and still have no insurance. I am depressed, most definitely but there's nothing I can do about it. It's kind of an it-is-what-it-is situation. I just don't feel very hopeful about all this, there's still so much to lose and I'm kind of exhausted.

I guess my thing with weight loss is, if you don't feel it (i.e. there's no difference in your clothes, your level of pain, etc.) and if you don't see it (in the mirror or in any valuable noticeable way) did it really happen? Personally (and I'm just speaking for myself) I don't think it does. It's like a tree falling in the forest. And I realize perhaps my liver is healthier or my brain or my spleen or some other random internal organ but in everyday life, in a way that impacts me on a level I can touch and feel and measure that means nothing. I don't feel proud. Not in the least. Because in the end it was like losing water weight or weight from cutting your hair. It didn't matter, not to me, not in any real, quantifiable way.

I'm still trying. Or rather I'm trying to try but I am beyond discouraged.

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.

~Orson Welles
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Old 01-26-2014, 05:57 AM   #25
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I was in your position 2 years ago. I hated how my life was taken over by numbers - how much to eat, how much exercise to do, how much weight to lose and measurements - I was trying to do too much too soon. When I could not hit the numbers I thought I should be hitting (scale wise), I was became very depressed. Ultimately, in the end, I gave it all up and told myself that I will not be ruled by all these numbers anymore.

Best decision I made. Yes, initially, I binged like you - solely attributed to the fact that I was restricting so much (coupled with an ED). Once I got over that stage, I started again and went back to plan. This time round, I put away my scales and gave up the intensive exercise I was doing. It worked. Slowly and steadily, I lost weight. It didn't happen overnight. It took over a year for my eating to settle down, my weight and clothing size to reduce to a size 4/6 (conversion from AU size) and I did not have much to lose in the first place.

So from my experience, I really would urge you to forget about clothing, about scales, about thinking about where you should be now in terms of looks and fitness ans simply eat according to plan. Don't do weigh-ins at WW, throw away your scales and don't even think about clothing sizes. Just STICK TO PLAN.

Time will past and before you know it, you will be at goal. It might take one year, two years, whatever. Remember that this is a lifetime of being on plan.
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Old 01-27-2014, 12:05 AM   #26
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The one step that seems to be missing in your logic is that the moments you're looking for--when you can wear a noticeably smaller size, when your pain gets better or even goes away, when people start commenting on your weight loss--they only come after the period when no one notices, when you can't tell the difference. This is what it takes, and guess what: You're doing it! You say you're not proud, but you have tons to be proud of.

Just think, how much more effort, dedication, and will power it has taken for you to lose those 78 pounds compared to someone who has to lose 25 pounds to get from 175 to 150. At that size, the results are visible almost immediately, so that person has tons of easy positive reinforcement. You've had to keep going without that, and you HAVE and you still ARE. You're a role model!!

I hope you can find it in your heart to be proud of yourself. You deserve it.

Last edited by Vortex_VVV : 01-27-2014 at 12:06 AM.
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