I've been struggling with a lot of things, but what it all comes down to is the fact that I'm miserable in my own skin. I'm a good person with a big heart, but my misery brings the people I care about most down right along with me. I don't want that, so I want to figure out how to love myself now, all 300 pounds of me. I will lose this weight, but until then, I don't want to be miserable every single day and I don't want to drive anyone away. It's difficult, because I am a confident person, it's just that my weight limits me so much physically and I've been having health issues because of it, so it makes me feel like I don't deserve to even be happy. I've heard it said that losing weight doesn't solve your problems, so I'm just curious as to how anyone else at this weight feels and even how you felt after you lost the weight. Sometimes I even feel like I don't deserve to lose the weight, so it makes me not want to keep trying.
hello there hun...yeah i am with you there...i weigh in at 130kg and my health is suffering too...now i am not unhappy with myself but mainly frustrated that i cannot do what i used to do!!..hmmm caused by health issues connected to my weight...such as diabetes type 2 and high cholesterol...i have pcos which makes it harder but i am hoping that a low carb low fat low sugar diet will help heaps..i also have a bad back and i am hoping that a lighter me will be in less pain everyday...i am flat out walking around the block twice without being uncomfortably numb in both legs...on the flip side though i am married to the most wonderful man...i don't know if you have a partner or are married at all but i believe if i can find someone anyone can..i am no oil painting for sure but he loves me just as i am fat and all...i am doing this for myself...my hubby really has had no input into this at all...tis all me...wow hun you have lost 10lb already so you have proven it to your self that you can do it...i try to think of it this way that there is always someone out there who is in a worse situation than me and that my problems are trivial compared to theres so there fore i have little to worry about...i believe that if i have the love of my hubby my family and my friends that is all i need...you have people who love you hun...they must believe in you so why not believe in yourself??...losing weight may not solve all of your problems but heck it will go a long way to helping!!...you have control over you...that is your power...take control..do the right thing and continue on this journey..it is not easy...it is hard..sometimes we fall off the band wagon..but that is not a bad thing...we can always chose to get back on!!...i know i will probably never be skinny..but i certainly am going to give it a good try!!...come along on the journey too...you have already come a long way..i am only starting out!!...keep on at it gal!!...you can do it!!...cheers liz
I am not really one to talk I suppose as I am only in the 160s. But I did get up to 200 when I was 16 which is tough when you are that age. The way I learned to love myself until I lost the weight is to throw myself into hobbies and focus on achieving things like being able to run a bit further each week, getting good grades and applying to college and making friends. Obviously you will have your own age appropriate activities that are equivalent to those.
So, in short, don't obsess over your weight, obsess over achieving things. This can include eating more healthily and exercising. The weight will come off if you are consistent and you will feel happy if you focus on what you can achieve for now. My heart goes out to you, I and a lot of women on this forum know how tough it is to feel despair over weight. Best of luck on your journey, I am rooting for you.
Maybe loving yourself right now seems quite hard....how about valuing yourself enough to treat yourself a bit better?
If you are anything like me you are a yo-yo-yo-yo dieter and fluctuate between being very "good" ie dieting strictly or very "bad" ie binging.
I have tried to get my head not thinking "good" or "bad" because I ended up with guilt then even lower self esteem and a feeling I had brought my health problems on myself so I deserved arthritic knees and asthma......and so the vicious circle continues.
Small steps like eating a bit less junk food and a few more veggies......walk around the block if you can....then slowly you start to feel better and so on. I know we are all different but that's what worked for me, getting out of the all or nothing mindset.
Good luck and big hugs xxx
I was 263 when I started trying to lose weight and one of the things that really helped me was deciding to give calorie counting a one year trial. I decided I was worth it. You are too. I'm not sure what plan you are following and I don't think it matters. Just promise yourself a year of sticking with it. Not very weigh in has been perfect for me and some times I have struggled because so many people have lost faster than me. There have been births and deaths and holiday splurges but every October I promise myself another year of just sticking with it. You can do it. You are worth it. Look at the goal pictures and be inspired by everyone who has managed to make it in spite of all the bumps in the road. You can do it. One day at a time, one meal at a time, and sometimes one minute at a time.
I've never been very good at hating myself, even at my highest weight. And I'm not sure why. I mean I got all the same "you're supposed to hate yourself" messages that all the other fat and otherwise "deffective" folks got. And there were times when I believed that I was supposed to hate myself - and I even gave it some good effort - but I never was very good at it.
The Fat Acceptance movement actually gave me confidence, making me realize that I wasn't obligated to hate myself, and that I could think I was pretty fantastic, even if our culture expected me to hate on myself.
That was incredibly liberating, and I began to "rebel" just like a teenager (even though I was in my mid-twenties when I discovered FA rhetoric).
At first I had to do a lot of self-talk. It was as if the strong, self-confident, self-loving Colleen had to scold, educate, and nurture the self-hating, self-destructive Colleen.
I TOLD myself things like "You're fat. You're just fat. You're not evil or bad, you're just fat. You didn't drown a puppy, or kick a baby, you just ate more than you could burn off. You deserve to be happy and healthy, and food isn't going to make you either in the long term. You are strong, you have accomplished things in your life, and you can accomplish this too - and if you don't you'll still be a great person, just a great fat person.
Loving and rewarding myself thin has been slower, but easier, more comfortable and longer-lasting than any of my attempts to hate or punish myself thin.
Being thin isn't the most important thing in the universe, despite what our culture says. The pressure and judgement we attach to it, doesn't help. Success isn't accomplished by "hating ourselves enough." And if the hate isn't helpful, it's got to go (and hate almost never is helpful).
At first I had to truly force myself into multiple personality mode. I had to divorce the rational, strong, smart me from the me that I hated. I had to ask myself "would I treat anyone else on the planet, the way I'm treating myself."
I gradually realized that if I treated anyone else like I treated myself, I really would be evil and contemptible. So to stop being evil and hate-worthy, I had to stop treating myself any differently than I would treat a stranger. So when I started beating on myself in any way I'd force the strong, smart, great me to admonish the "bad" me that was hurting myself. "If you woudn't treat a stranger this way, don't treat yourself that way - If you wouldn't want a stranger to feel this way, don't let yourself feel that way."
It really wasn't very difficult to see the hipocracy in treating myself in ways I'd never treat another human being, even one I actually hated. And if I wasn't going to treat an enemy that badly, I definitely had no right to treat myself that way. "Would I do this to someone else," became a bit of a motto.
Unless you're doing horrible things, you're not a horrible person. If you want to love and admire yourself, do things that you would admire in others. Praise your successes, and don't let your failures stop you from succeeding. Treat yourself as you would a child you love, someone you want to teach to be a great human being. Would you ever dream of telling a fat child "you suck, you're a worthless piece of garbage because you're fat, and nothing else you can do will ever matter because you're fat. You could cure cancer or become president of the world, and you'd still be worthless because you're fat"?
And if you wouldn't tell someone else that, then don't tell yourself that either.
I'm with kaplods on this one. Fat acceptance really helped me. I have battled with my weight ever since I can remember. It took finally accepting myself, and my fat, and everything that goes along with it, to be able to be happy. And now that I am happy with myself I want to do the best I can. I deserve to feel fit and be able to move without creaking. I deserve to treat myself the best I can.
I was majorly depressed about my weight and no matter what I told myself, I wasn't able to accept myself. My weight was really starting to have such a negative impact on most aspects of my life. I was hiding from friends and family, I was angry and resentful, I refused to see friends from my past. I just wouldn't do it and in the process, I lost out on a lot of great opportunities and ruined some friendships.
I started going to therapy and my therapist asked me if I would be friends with someone who talked to me the way that I talked to myself. I had never really thought about how mean I was to myself. The fact of the matter was that all my hate and anger weren't doing anything productive.
I don't know how you can change the way you feel, that's not something that I've been able to figure out. What I can change are my actions. I started taking small steps to treat myself better. I ate healthy foods and started exercising and little by little I started liking myself again. And I don't think I was liking myself because I was losing weight. I was liking myself because I didn't feel weak anymore. I felt like I was taking control and doing the things that I needed to do for myself.
So the way I see it, you've got a few options...
1. You can start taking action and change the things that you don't like about yourself.
2. You can continue to do the same things that you've always done but find some way to accept yourself as you are.
3. You can continue to do the same things that you've always done and be miserable.
I've never been very good at hating myself, even at my highest weight. And I'm not sure why.
I have always been the same way. I don't know why. I mean, I didn't *like* being fat, and would have rather have been thin. But I never hated myself for being fat, nor did hate the fact of being fat so much that I really ever made a concerted effort to do something about my weight. I mean, I have dieted a few times in the past and took off some weight. But it always came back, and then some. For a long time I pretty much accepted the fact that I was going to be fat. But it never depressed me. In fact, until recently, I was kinda ok with being fat. Knock on wood, so far my life really hasn't been negatively impacted by my weight.
Now, I am mindful of the fact that a big part of what allowed me to take my weight for granted for so long was finding a wonderful woman who accepted me for who I am on the inside. Friday is our 10th anniversary. I suspect that if I had not met her, I might have felt differently about my weight much sooner.
What finally made me do something about my weight was after turning 40 -- and having young children -- I started to become more aware of the fact that my weight was very dangerous to my health, and the prospect of living a long and healthy life would be greatly diminished if I remained obese. What lit a fire under me to lose weight was the reality that I would not be there for my kids for very long if I did nothing about it -- now.
I didn't plan on logging in to comment on these, but you guys are truly motivators and inspirators for me. Everything that each of you has said has touched my heart. I thank you so much for making me feel like I am worth it.
kaplods, I love your motto and I am going to adopt it as my own. I will only treat myself as I would treat anyone else.
ChickieBoom, I like having options. I don't like to ever feel trapped when deciding on something. And you're right, I could do either one of those things. I think I'm going to go with number 1 though.
lizarddau, LucyOlivia, thank you for your posts. I felt the virtual hugs. xo
And to everyone else, I can't even tell you how grateful I feel and how warm my heart feels. I'm rooting for all of you as well. <3
I think if one does not love themselves at 300 they are not going to love themselves at 100 either.
Loving oneself has to do with how one was loved or not loved as a child, childhood trauma, and what they were taught about valuing oneself.
But the good news is we can learn to love ourselves it usually requires much more inner work then outer work.
This being said I learned to love myself. I want to be more healthy and so am working on that. Emotional health leads to physical health. If I am caring for self I do not need to eat emotionally. It is hard work.
We are so worth it.
google 'fat acceptance tumblr' and you will find some amazing blogs featuring people who are in the same boat as you and can help you.
I couldn't lose weight when I didn't love myself. I would lose a few pounds and then be like "I'm still fat!" and quit at life. If you don't love yourself because of extra pounds what makes you think you'll love your self without those extra pounds? You need to love yourself completely. Because you are so completely worth love and acceptance! Extra pounds does not write off your worth. You are a lovely human regardless. I would suggest meditating or pampering yourself. Take thirty minutes a day to just love yourself. When I did this I would paint my nails or play with my hair or do something I love like write.
How to love myself at 300 pounds.
