Okay, that's a bit of a lie. I know my pants range from size 20-26. I know I don't fit into some of the chairs at my office. I know I haven't been hit on or pursued by a guy in close to a year. I know it's going to take a heck of a lot of work to get out of the 300s. But, somehow, knowing all of this..I still don't know that I see how large I actually am. Why is this important? Well, it might not be, but when I see the commercials for that Extreme Weight Loss show with Chris Powell and the people are starting at 393 or 355 and I look at their bodies, I honestly feel like they're in a different league. When, in reality, and according to the scale, we're not that different. Has anyone else experienced this? I'm just curious.
I'm trying to stay focused on MY before and after but this journey is full of so many emotional ups and downs and this has been on my mind for a while. I asked my mother about it last night and got a less than supportive response.
PS: Sorry if this seems a bit negative or weird but I really just need to vent..and that's what this forum is for, right?
It sometimes surprises me when I look into the full length mirrors at the gym. I know how big I am.. I know what size pants I am.. but what I have in my head of myself and what i see in the mirror are two different things.
I understand what you are saying. We know we are big, but can fool ourselves into thinking we aren't so big. I can just look at my face in the mirror or a quick once over of my whole body, but not really LOOK at myself without clothes on. The worst is seeing myself in a picture. I hate seeing them right now. The camera doesn't lie. Maybe that is a good idea. Keep the pictures of yourself where you can see them for a reality check?
As someone who has, over the past 2.5 years, lost and regained 45lbs, I definitely understand this. In a way, I think it's because our brains try to "protect" us from seeing things about ourselves that we don't really like, but little do our brains realize, that's no real help at all! I think at some point something will click and you'll see yourself as you are, which is really important, I think. After all, how will you know how much progress you're making if you can't really see where you're starting at, right?
I know exactly what you mean. I am now in a 12-14 regular. When I started, I was in a 22W and a lot of 24s. When I look at my old clothes, I HONESTLY did not think I was that size!!!! I truly didn't see that I didn't have a neck. I truly didn't see the shape of my face. Now that I've lost SOME weight (still on the journey), it's hard for me to accept where I am because what I see now is what I thought I was seeing all those years when I was much larger. I think that's part of why it took me so long to commit to losing....in my mind I really didn't look that bad. Chubby yes but not the same size as all the others in my weight class (I thought).
As someone who has, over the past 2.5 years, lost and regained 45lbs, I definitely understand this. In a way, I think it's because our brains try to "protect" us from seeing things about ourselves that we don't really like, but little do our brains realize, that's no real help at all! I think at some point something will click and you'll see yourself as you are, which is really important, I think. After all, how will you know how much progress you're making if you can't really see where you're starting at, right?
This makes so much sense! In the past year I've been down to 315 and up to 345 so it's no wonder my mind can't keep up. I've been trying to focus on specific areas of my body (e.g. definition in my thighs or arms) to help me get a better idea of the whole picture.
Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone in this, everyone. I definitely think it's something we need to work on, or at least stay aware of, so that we can be more in tune of changes in our bodies.
Pictures and measurements are sure to be a great help. Does anyone have other ideas?
I do know exactly what you're talking about. My response might be a little weird, but I've been thinking about this issue for at least 5 or 6 years, and dealing with it for over 20, and this is where I am.
I'm not sure it's a bad thing, for me at least, to "feel" smaller than I "look."
I know, for example, that the way I stand in front of the mirror is the way that makes me look thinnest. When I see photos of myself from other angles, I'm often shocked at how large I look. I don't see how that shock helps me; actually, it always makes me feel bad. And I don't think feeling bad helps me with weight loss.
Maybe it would be useful if I wanted to work on feeling good about my present weight (which I think would be, for me, a lot of work), but I'd rather feel good about getting healthier. So, personally, I've just accepted the fact that I don't feel as big as I know I must look to others. I suspect that I probably have more confidence in presenting myself in front of strangers than I would if I had a more accurate body image.
This is not to say that there might not be some value in taking pictures, etc. I just don't personally see what that value would be for me personally.
I do the same thing. Do you know what I really feel like about this? I feel that those of us who see ourselves this way have good self-esteem! We don't look in the mirror or walk around feeling like humongous people. We accept ourselves and see ourselves for what we feel like on the inside-- smaller people accepting of ourselves. I think this can make life easier once we lose weight and get to our goal. We surely won't be looking in the mirror at a thinner person, but not "seeing" that thinner person because we already have the right mindset. Does that make sense?
I know exactly what you mean. I am now in a 12-14 regular. When I started, I was in a 22W and a lot of 24s. When I look at my old clothes, I HONESTLY did not think I was that size!!!! I truly didn't see that I didn't have a neck. I truly didn't see the shape of my face. Now that I've lost SOME weight (still on the journey), it's hard for me to accept where I am because what I see now is what I thought I was seeing all those years when I was much larger. I think that's part of why it took me so long to commit to losing....in my mind I really didn't look that bad. Chubby yes but not the same size as all the others in my weight class (I thought).
I have 3 pictures from when I was at my highest (350+) and I was at that weight for 10 years. When I look at my pictures now (225-230) I thought I looked like this when I was my heaviest. I was like others, I knew my pants size and I knew I was chubby, but I still rode my bicycle and went places in some sort of oblivious way. There are good aspects of this type of denial and bad aspects.
I don't think it affected my commitment to losing the weight. My commitment was more affected by the fact that 15 hard lost pounds made no difference in my 26-28 size stretch pants (which were at their limit of stretchiness).
I still struggle with my actual size and my mental image of myself.
I totally know what you're saying. I knew I was big when I started, but had no concept of how big. Even as I have lost weight over the past year, I really couldn't see huge changes because I saw myself every day. Other people who didn't see me often would notice but not me.
The only way I can really tell the difference is when I get out a pair of pants I used to wear when I first started this journey. Then the difference is really shocking.
My denial allows me to function so I'm okay with it. I know I am NOT but I let myself feel almost like everyone else. Because if I let that thought consume me I wouldn't have the life that I do, the things I love. So I am fine with accepting compliments about my shirts, about my makeup and smiling when friends are trying to comfort me when I'm upset and saying "No really you look so good, you look so hot!" etc just like they would to their skinny friends. I still smile and laugh when someone is nice enough to fake-flirt with me.
Ya know I'm not actually delusional I know the reality is I am severly overweight, I know I have a problem and I AM working on it (even though I might not be the most dedicated out there).
Just saying, sometimes it helps me to get through the day to be in denial and I'm okay with that. Also you are not alone. I have days where I feel freaking gorgeous... so yeah haha
I have no concept of how large I am.
