I've heard my whole life that fat was gross, and I've always believed that. So since I was 12, I've hated and dieted myself to this weight. It wasn't until I was over 300 pounds that I decided I should start accepting all my fat and nooks and crannies and since then I've quit being so self-conscious about my fat. I used to think that losing weight would set me free from all these "rules for fat people" but I'm glad I've finally accepted that those rules are full of sh*t and I need to focus all that negative energy I used to feed myself and direct it to being positive and losing weight and being healthy.
I want to end my compulsive eating habits, I want to have enough energy to run and play softball and volleyball with my family when we go to the park, and I want to be thin enough so my wide hips can properly fit in a rollercoaster seat. I just don't want to fall into that whole self-hatred state of mind again. I'm just worrying that if I push myself too hard again, I'm going to start hating myself again, and I don't want that to happen!
Also, sorry if all this is very confusing, it's almost 5:30 in the morning and I haven't slept yet. I just wanted to know about peoples thoughts/advice on this type of stuff. Has anyone accepted themselves at their heavy weight?
Also also, by "rules for fat people" I mean things like having to wear a cardigan to cover up fat arms, not wearing bold patterns, wearing jeans when it's hot as **** out, ordering salad in front of all your skinny friends so you don't feel like a total fat butt and the like.
Not at all confusing. Not in the least. I know exactly what you mean.
And I completely agree. There is NO reason to hate myself. Quite the opposite in fact, I find the more accepting of myself I am.. the easier the changes are. I'm learning new habits, because I LOVE myself, because taking care of myself is GOOD FOR ME.
Hate is a vicious cycle, and often lead to me binging and overeating. Which...in turn... made me even more fat, which meant I just had to hate myself that much more! Good riddance to bad thoughts rubbish.
I like being me! I like who I am. I do not always enjoy being overweight, but it's not because I hate myself, it's just that I know I can take better care of myself. I deserve to eat healthfully and to move more.
No more hate. No more diets. Just better choices and acceptance.
I don't know I am sure I break most of the "Rules" I've had this attitude since my 20's (i was shyer as a teen) that if you don't like it don't look. I do tend to cover up my arms with shrugs when dressing up (I just don't look good sleeveless) but on a hot day when I'm just walking about? I will wear a tank top and shorts without appologies.
I don't play sports but only because I am not really good at sports, never have been its not because I'm fat, I walk, do aerobics, go to the gym... etc. Without it being about how many calories I burn, I have OTHER fitness goals to reach for. I have for years, without decreasing my weight really.
I think we all have days where we feel bad about our selves, and find our own faults. If I think about it my thoughts really do not centralize around my weight being a defining characteristic. I have other priorities. I wish to be a BETTER person a lot of that time, more than I wish to be a thinner person (though I do wish that sometimes!)
The only way, and I mean the *only* way, I was ever able to start this journey in 2008 was to learn to LOVE myself at nearly 400 lbs. I had to love me as I was, to be able to the become the me that I am now.
In about a year and a half I went from 370 down to about 209. I hit a rough patch and gained some back, but I've been back losing now for over 2 months and am now back in the low 200s, able to wear all the super-cute 14s and 16s (and a couple of 12s) I bought in 2009.
Don't let anything stop you, least of all fear. Weight loss is a journey - enjoy the journey. Love the journey! And hold onto your visualization of being healthy and active with your family.
I used to be able to barely walk up and down stairs. I couldn't go on long walks with my dogs, or really do anything active, for more than a few minutes. Now - I swim a mile every morning (and love it!), lift weights 3 times a week, ride a bike, go hiking - it's UNBELIEVABLE!!! And I have the energy to keep my house spotless, work harder at work, and play harder after work.
The journey is TOTALLY worth it and you can totally do it. Love yourself at any and every weight. Weight is not a measure of your value, it's just weight. Bless it and let it go. It no longer serves your purpose.
I'm another person who had to be ok with the me I was, before I could change what I wanted to.
When I tried to lose weight out of self-loathing, trying to punish the bad me, so that I would deserve all the things in life I wanted - well dieting only ultimately made me fatter. Because I'd either hate myself more (and would feel so much pain that I would reach to food as a pain reliever) or feel that I didn't deserve the rotten treatment I was giving myself ans would eat to feel better.
Deciding that I deserved every bit of life that I could grab for myself, and that included the right to treat myself well - even with diet and exercise. Getting healthier was no longer about punishing the bad me, it became about pampering the good me.
Kaplods - I just looked at your ticker. I think this is the first time I've noticed it since I came back. WOW!!!!!! I know you go incrementally but wow!!!!
You, LoriBell and CFMama have always been the most impressive and inspiring people to me on here.
I guess I have a slightly different perspective. I've never particularly identified with my body, if that makes any sense. If you ask me to describe myself, it would be a long, long time before I would get to "fat." So I've never spent a lot of time hating myself for what I consider a minor characteristic, like eye color.
There were times, though, when I hated the situation I was in. When I was in college, in the 80s, I regularly had insults hurled at me by frat boys in passing cars or even on the street.
Recently, I had a health scare--thought I might have to start dialysis, here only in my 40s, due to kidney damage related to type 2 diabetes.
Given that it's my fat that has made me diabetic and led me to fear my life will be significantly shortened, I don't think I can have other than an antagonistic attitude toward it. But IT is not me.
As far as "rules" about clothing go, I guess as I read your rules I realize that I keep my body covered a lot. It doesn't bug me, though, and I don't feel I'm doing it out of some kind of concern about offending others. This might have something to do with the fact that I teach and so I have a lot of eyes on me every day, and I dress in ways that allow me not to think about my clothing or my appearance, but to think about my work.
I'm not sure what I'm describing is healthy or good, but I've never felt that I hated myself, or even my body. I just don't think about it, except when I'm thinking about making positive, healthy changes for the future.
Let's put it this way: I don't love my fat, but I do love my body enough to want to take better care of it for the years I have left to live in it.
Last edited by Vortex_VVV; 07-21-2011 at 07:30 PM.
I'm another who separated the "me" I loved from the body I had... I didn't love that body or what it could do, but I didn't hate "me". If that makes sense.
I think I focused on the things I was good at, and became a professor where other things about me were valued.
Wow, this has got me thinking. I didn't accept or love myself at many different weights...120, 165, 205, 316. Not being able to love myself is probably why I gained the weight. This time I decided to do what was going to be nurturing. Making small sustainable changes and accepting the speed of my progress. The better I treat my body the more I love me, the more I love me the better I treat my body.
I have a tendency to blame my weight for everything in my life that is wrong and I'm just recently recognizing it's just Fat, not who I am.
Good luck on your journey of a healthier life!
All I can say is wow.. You ladies have really inspired me this morning. I have been hating myself these last few months for my weight. Thank God I have such a supportive man that can pull me out of my depression at times. After reading these posts I am starting to love myself for me! I WILL get this weight off but in the end my size doesn't define the person I am. Thanks for such inspiration today!!! Happy Friday!!!
I love how you said your goals were to end your compulsive eating habits, be able to run and play etc. and NOT a certain number on the scale. I know you can do it!! The journey is so important, so don't necessarily focus only on the goal...what comes up for you as you get there? You are exactly where you need to be right now. Congratulations to you!!
Wow, this has got me thinking. I didn't accept or love myself at many different weights...120, 165, 205, 316. Not being able to love myself is probably why I gained the weight. This time I decided to do what was going to be nurturing. Making small sustainable changes and accepting the speed of my progress. The better I treat my body the more I love me, the more I love me the better I treat my body.
I have a tendency to blame my weight for everything in my life that is wrong and I'm just recently recognizing it's just Fat, not who I am.
Good luck on your journey of a healthier life!
I completely relate to this, in fact, I could have posted this myself.
I am, and always have been, very insecure. I have a very strong love/hate relationship with myself. In some ways, I am very confident in my career and talents: I have always been very artistic and done well in creative endeavors. I am a web and graphic designer/coder and take a lot of pride in what I do. At work I am very "take charge" kind of person, and while sometimes I hate face-to-face meetings or conference calls (mostly because they disrupt my productivity and I am shy), once I am out there I usually have a good time and am very comfortable in talking about what I do. This is a stark contrast when it comes to my body image. On some level I know that I have some very pretty facial features -- yes, I have always gotten "but you have a pretty face" thing. I don't have a lot of people who make fun of my weight, but a lot of people do comment on my eyebrows (do you get them professionally done?), my eyelashes (are you wearing fake lashes? no? damn!), my nose (your nose should be in a book where people say, I want that one when getting cosmetic surgery), my eyes (you have beautiful eyes, they are such an interesting color)... and so on.
So yes, I know that I am pretty and I take pride in that, but when it comes to my weight and my chubby face, I fall apart. It makes me question all of the positive things I just said. And while I never had much of an issue with people saying things about me in public (that I could tell anyway), I still feel like people are highly judgmental of me. For example, occasionally I'll go through a drive thru by myself and order food for other people that I am going to take home. I feel self-conscious because I feel like the person at the drive though is thinking maybe I am going to eat all of this food myself and bought the extra drinks to make them think I wasn't, and just weird stuff like that. Then I start to feel a bit crazy for even thinking that, like people even care what I eat or don't. Right?
I have a lot of friends, most of which do not have any issue with their weight. I have noticed that if I even so much as mention anything relating to my weight, they get incredibly uncomfortable, stammer, try and deny anything I say, and in general don't know how to handle it. The general public has a certain idea about fat people... and my friends know that, but then they see me and they know I am not lazy, and that I eat well and exercise and still struggle with weight loss. And sometimes, it's like they don't even want to acknowledge that I'm fat even though it's pretty obvious that I am. I think they feel like if they acknowledge it to me that I would be offended. Trust me, any negative thought they might have about me I have felt about myself x100. I wish people were more open about it and didn't take it so seriously. Newsflash: the fat girl knows she's fat.
I used to live in my head. I really didn't care about my body. I didn't hate it. I didn't nurture it. I figured it was just there, doing its thing, and I had so many more interesting things to think about and do. I felt I was pretty enough, I enjoyed my sex life, I didn't have body hang ups. So I thought I was fine for body image.
It wasn't til I gained a lot of weight suddenly that I realized... "Hey! Ok, so you don't have body hang ups or weird rules and aren't vain or whatever but... neither do you take care of your body! What do you give it for fuel? When do you take it for walks? You'd walk a dog -- why can't you walk yourself? Yet you expect this body to house you til you die? Even the car you take in for oil changes. Hello! And now you have some kind of health problem -- wake up call much?"
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I'm just worrying that if I push myself too hard again, I'm going to start hating myself again, and I don't want that to happen!
What about coming from a perspective of loving yourself? And I don't mean being overindulgent and feeding yourself cake all day. I mean actually being respectful and loving toward your body -- doing your health and hygiene bits like the dentist and pampering baths. Doing the best fuel you can afford to run your body -- and taking care in the shopping and cooking of it.
Dress it well -- ok, so it's plus size. But it can be a nice plus size -- it doesn't have cost a lot, but neither does it have to be frumpy.
I'm closer to 300 lb than not, but I want to be able to love myself to where I need to be health wise. I want to HEAL and I want to help create a supportive healing inner and outer environment for me to do it in.
I don't want to be damaging myself. How does that promote healing?
I've heard my whole life that fat was gross, and I've always believed that. So since I was 12, I've hated and dieted myself to this weight.
I was raised by a petite, weight conscious, domineering mother who started putting me on diets before I entered kindergarten. I grew up thinking I was ugly to the point of feeling like I was deformed. (ps my mom was doing what she thought was best for me. I love her and accept her exactly how she is. The things she did which were so hurtful to me were due to her ignorance not any kind of malevolence)
It took me a long time to look at childhood pictures of myself and see a little girl with beautiful eyes and a shy smile and see how pretty she was, I was. Oh yeah I was built like a little tank, muscular and solid but not FAT, at least not until I was 13+. I wish I could go back and hug that little girl and tell her how pretty and strong and smart she was. There's a bunch of other stuff I would tell me too like 'do your homework' and 'never mind those mean people'.
When I start to think badly about myself now, I imagine what would the 70 year old me say to the 40 year old me, keeping in mind how the 40 year old me feels about the 10 year old me. It helps me to be much kinder and nurturing to myself.
I think the phrase 'push myself too hard' is tricky because it means different things at different times. If that means that you are just encouraging yourself to walk an extra lap or do an extra rep or avoid the cafeteria one more time on cake-day, then I think the push is healthy push. If you push yourself with negative self-talk, then I believe it will be problematic.
It sounds to me like you already know the secret to your own success is loving yourself, putting yourself first, and not letting other people's expectations dictate what you do.
Accepting yourself at 300 pounds.
