David, I would just like to say that reading your post, it's obvious you care about your friend and sincerely want to help her, but going into so much detail wasn't the best idea especially on a public forum.
However I would like to share my story with you and everyone else on this thread.
I went through a very rough time at university the combination of a very bad 'relationship' and being away from home and not having a support system around me, and falling out with my dad caused me to gain weight. I was miserable, not confident, while I had friends I didn't fully enjoy doing things with them because I was overweight, my confidence took a real battering.
Eventually after repeating the first year, due to my coursework suffering, I dropped out and moved back home. My mum has dieted, and gained weight then dieted again, and this time has successfully kept the weight off for about 4 years now. But I came home and she kept mentioning weight and weight loss, and criticizing my eating habits, until one day she sat me down and said pretty much what you did in your original post, listing all my attributes, then saying how much better I could be if I lost weight. It made me feel ashamed and embarrassed and I wondered if people were talking about me behind my back. Ultimately I dug my heels in and refused to change just because other people said I should.
In hindsight I know she was right, everything she said was right, and that if I'd just listened to her in the first place, risen above my stubborn streak and pride, I'd probably be at goal and doing all the things that I want to do. But I also realise that to lose weight successfully you have to come to the decision on your own, without other people battering you with weight loss advice or trying to hurry you along. Its a very personal and difficult experience to go through, and only the person losing weight can decide what the best decision is for them.
While your friend clearly has your support, I think you need to take a back seat and let her know your there for her what ever decision she makes regarding her weight.
While I think you haven't exactly come across well on this post it is clear to me that you do love and care for your friend deeply and want what is best for her, but like I said, take a back seat, let her come to you for advice and help if and when she wants it, and if she doesn't then leave her alone about it.
Wendy-please don't feel ashamed, it shouldn't have been broadcast, but we all understand how you feel, having gone through it ourselves. We are all here with sympathetic ears when you need us. I imagine most of us read it and could see our own stories in it at some stage.
I'm now losing weight for a number of reasons, health being the most important one, my family is prone to diabetes, heart disease and cancer and I can diminish the chances of developing them if I lose weight. But other reasons are my appearance, I hate the way I look now and want to feel good about myself, fitness is the other reason. I want to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro, go traveling, do charity work abroad and run the London marathon. I don't feel that I'm reaching my full potential at the weight I am, and 6months maybe a year of weight loss to me seems to be a fair trade to be able to chase my dreams. What I'm saying is, in a very long winded sort of a way, that you need to make the decision to lose weight based on what YOU want, and how YOU feel, and whether YOU are ready. Good luck!
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