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Is it life or excuses?

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Old 01-28-2011, 11:12 PM   #1
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Question Is it life or excuses?

I am still gaining. I can't act like I don't now the base of the reasons but does it fall under life? Or excuses.

*WARNING THIS IS GOING TO BE ME VENTING/RANTING*

Ok so here is a bit of background. I am a WAHM. I have three kids under the age of 6. My youngest is a preemie with a few health issues. We live on the Oregon coast where in the winter I am lucky to see the sun once a month. I live 1,300 miles from my family but only 15 miles from my husbands. We live in rural development housing which has 10x more rules than a normal rental. My hubby works all the time.

I can't seem to find the time to eat right nor really work out 6 days a week. I get about maybe one day a week where I am on track with working out and eating well.

Why?

My husband works all the time. Like no joke. My oldest is the only one in school. I have orders for my business to work on all the time and my two youngest always seem to need something. Then to top it all off I feel like I am contently cleaning because my house has to be spotless because of living in rural development.

How do I make time for me? I hardly find the time to even eat something let alone something worth value. I can't ask for help because there is no one to help me. I just feel like I am slipping slowly back into just not giving a f**k because it is the easy way out. But really I don't see a way out.

Any one have any ideas?

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Old 01-29-2011, 12:09 AM   #2
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I`m really sorry that you feel this way! Do you have any exercide dvds? Do your younger children take naps? I pop in a dvd and exercise while they are sleeping. (I have 3 kids also, the oldest is 5!) Do you cook ? I don`t buy any premade stuff, I don`t allow any unhealthy snacks in the house, just veggies and fruit for snacking, or homemade granola or protein bars. If there is any way at all to make "you time" you need to! It is essential to your well being and mental health, I know I`ve been there!!! Can you have a chat with hubby and tell him that you need more help? Is there anyone you could hire to either help babysit or help clean your house? I`m just thinking out loud here with some things that have helped me. Do your inlaws not help you out any?? I hope things get better for you, it`s not fun to feel like you are feeling!
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Old 01-29-2011, 03:08 AM   #3
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I know how you feel I do really great for a while then I slip back out of it again today was very bad and the last about 3 days pretty bad too probably gained like 5 lbs back and I just haven't stopped myself. I know one big part of it is I bought a bunch of dumb junk food I should not have bought and now I can't control myself with it I always think I will be able to just have a little but then I eat way too much of it every time I try to "treat" myself. And I have just been having junk like almost all day since I got it. I'm never buying this crap again I can't control myself with it and it really throws me off track. I think you should get rid of all the bad packaged food in your house and get salad things and fruit like kiw said. I do great when I stick to fruit for breakfast maybe some egg whites with veggies in them then a big salad for lunch with some good kind of meat in it and maybe a tiny bit of shredded cheese and light dressing then for dinner ill maybe have something with the carbs like rice and fish or chicken or an ak mak cracker with meat cheese and lettuce or spinach on it if I'm not feeling hungry ill just eat some more fruit and then go to bed for the next day, I do really good when I do it that way I need to get back on track again too starting now I really blew it the past few days. Don't let that stop you just start up again you can do it! I'll start with you!

for the time wise it takes less time to grab a piece of fruit and eat it or make a quick salad then pretty much anything else we cook and eat make that the main part of your diet and only cook maybe 1 time a day. I also make myself soem home made protein bars that last like the full week or more just for me there are alot of recipes on youtube for some good healthy ones. Make some of those and just grab some with some fruit if you don't feel like cooking
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Old 01-29-2011, 03:15 AM   #4
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q0HaQDcQdU4 this is my fave one you should make some of these it really helps with the cooking issue when you are busy. you can substitute the ingredients and make them how you want also but they turn out really good
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Mini-Goal: Lose 100lbs - Goal Met Mar. 14th, 2012
Mini-Goal: Get out of the 250's - Goal Met Sept. 5th, 2012
Mini-Goal: Lose 150lbs! - Goal Met Nov. 11th 2012
Mini-Goal: 100lbs left to loose! Goal Met Dec. 11th 2012
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Old 01-29-2011, 05:25 AM   #5
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Beautiful,
Just reading your post was overwhelming. I know you said your husband works all the time, but it's a must that you talk to him. He has to be aware of what's going on at home while he's away. Is daycare at all possible for maybe the one child (not the preemie)? I know it's expensive, but I thought I'd ask.
The most important thing is to talk to your husband before it's too late. Maybe he could talk to his family about maybe coming over and babysitting so you could get out of the house a few hours a day or two a week.
If I lived near by I'd be there in a heartbeat to give you a break.

Hang in there Beautiful and keep us posted to how things are going.

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Old 01-29-2011, 05:50 AM   #6
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Like the other posters have said I think you'll have to talk to your husband about you getting some time to yourself. Aside from the working out and cooking/shopping for better foods it's just good to have breaks in general. .

The gym/community center my family belonged to (and plan to join again) was very kid friendly. They had a pool with a section for the kids, lifeguards on duty and even kids fitness classes. Then they had a daycare on site for members. Do you all have something like that there? I feel for you and the struggles.Please don't give up on yourself though. Maybe his family can help out some just to give you some breathing time?
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Old 01-29-2011, 03:39 PM   #7
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Thanks Guys... Reading all your wonderful words brings tears to my eyes. Lets me know that I am not alone.

My in-laws do nothing for my bit of the family. They raise my sister in laws kids while she chooses to raise one biological child and two of her step kids. Lame I know.

Money is beyond tight for us. That's the main reason we live in rural development. But for my saintly I am about to put both of my girls in daycare one day a week. I need that one day maybe if just to pee in peace. The thing is my days are plan out to a tee while my girls nap is when I sweep and mop my down stairs since trying to do that while they are awake is like brushing your teeth while eating an oreo. Or try to get a few orders mailed out.

Talking to my hubby is like talking to a 2 year old pointless and a waste of my breath. He is like this is what you wanted for so long. (Being a work at home mom) But that Jack *** walks into the house that is messy and has the balls to look at me and say "what did you do all day?" (he is lucky that I haven't killed him yet) So I scream at him.....“I get up in the morning and I’m already running late.* I don’t know why I need so much sleep but I do and so I get up later and I barely do my hair anymore.* I haven’t worn makeup in like what 4 years* I keep telling myself that I’ll do it later but I never do, I just walk around with dark circles and splotchy skin all day. I get the boy off the school and take the dogs out to pee and of course then can't just pee they have to walk around and sniff everything in the entire world before peeing. Then I come in and make you and our daughters breakfast. Clean up from that, the dogs have to pee again, then your jumping in the shower, can you explain to me why it take a grown *** man 30 mins in the shower. Then I get the girls dressed and myself dressed in whatever fits and I feel frumpy. Then I take the 30 min one way to drive you to work because you are to damn lazy to take the time to get your drivers licenses. So I drive back home and get the girls down for a nap and try to clean up a bit and mop because moping while the girls are awake along with the dogs is like brushing your teeth while eating an oreo. I scoop the litter box because you complain if that smells at all but you never scoop it and it is your stupid cat. Granted it likes me better. Hummm I wonder why? Because she know that if she had to rely on you she would DIE. Then the girls are up and I have to start thinking about what I am going to make them for lunch and knowing my luck the diaper leaked while the baby was sleeping so I have to change her bed and start that load of wash and of course we don't have a washer and drying in the house so that mean I have to go to the other end of the apartments to do wash. By then the dogs have to pee again. So they go for a run this time with me and the girls and its pouring down rain because lets face it we live in Oregon and it always rains. Then its time to get the boy of the bus, snack time and you call and say can you bring me something for lunch so I load all the kids up and bring you lunch and get home and try to bake up the orders and get them to the post office before they close and then the dogs want out again then it is homework time. And heaven forbid if anytime during then I need to pee cause I have to with the door open so that I know what the kids are doing. Then the therapist is here to work with the baby and then there is a crash upstairs so I have to fix or clean up whatever the other kids were getting into while I was working with the baby. Then it is dinner bath and bed time. * So by the time you get off work I want to just drool out the side of my mouth but I can’t because the house is a freakin’ wreck even though I spend all day cleaning it and there are toys everywhere.*I know I should clean up, but I also have to come up with something for dinner for myself and you and nights like tonight when you don't get off till 11 and the kids are still awake when I get home so I have to fight them to bed. Then I finally relisise I’m soaked with bathwater so I put on crummy sweatpants and feel even frumpier, if that was even possible.* I should cook, but I haven’t had time to grocery shop so I just throw some sandwiches on a plate. Then I feel more guilty because what kind of wife throws her husband a sandwich?* But it’s not like it’s 1950, yet I still feel this weird pull to provide domestically for you.* So I throw in some laundry, scrub down the kitchen, and clean up toys.* I eventually plop down into my desk chair to work, but it’s boxer rescue work so it’s not really work at all because I love it.* But it still includes a to-do list to keep me organized.* The baby wakes up crying and screaming so I go in to find her leg stuck in a crib slat and I rock her for 20 minutes.* I’m totally wearing my SuperMom cape and feeling awesome about it and get her back in bed.* I finally get showered and in bed amd I’m looking around our bedroom which is a HOT MESS of clothes, dust and toys.* No wonder I can’t find my wedding ring, although I really need to get on that because HOLY ****, that is an expensive piece of jewelry that I haven’t seen in months.* I start trying to plan an outfit for tomorrow, then think of an outfit for kids, & then I wonder if the kids blanket is keeping them warm enough or if they are too warm.* I finally take a deep breath and try to sleep and then you try to get it on with me. "

By now I’m near tears & he's all “Your brain does all of that?”
I’m like, “Yeah.* What the **** do you think about?”

But he still does nothing to help out. I try hard not to keep junk in the house but it is hard because healthy things are not the fastest thing to cook. If things don't change I am going to flip out I can't do this all and try to lost weight.
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Old 01-29-2011, 05:13 PM   #8
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Then I take the 30 min one way to drive you to work because you are to damn lazy to take the time to get your drivers licenses.

OMG!!! Drop his *** off at the DMV so he can get his D.L.

Now if you do put the girls in daycare one day a week make sure that day is just for you. You need some you time like A.S.A.P.
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Old 01-29-2011, 06:47 PM   #9
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OMG!!! Drop his *** off at the DMV so he can get his D.L.

Now if you do put the girls in daycare one day a week make sure that day is just for you. You need some you time like A.S.A.P.
Oh believe me I know! I do have some pretty fantastic neighbors that help me out a lot when they see my struggling.
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Old 01-29-2011, 07:49 PM   #10
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beautiful.....sending you hugs....
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Old 01-29-2011, 08:47 PM   #11
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You, my dear, are in what I call "survival mode". Everyone needs a piece of you every second of the day, and there really is just literally no time to care for yourself. Add in a man who can't appreciate the efforts you put forth to keep everyone happy, and it's no wonder you feel like you are about to explode!

Please remember that your situation is temporary. There will come a day when you do have time for you, and in the meantime you hold on like holy heck and try to stay sane!

A couple things I would suggest

1) you have every reason to be tired all the time, but if you are a big-time snorer or have been told you stop breathing in your sleep, you might want to get yourself checked out for sleep apnea. I was in true survival mode till I got my sleep fixed, now I find that I am thriving and getting everything done and more. I can't begin to tell you how different I feel after a GOOD night's sleep.

2) Don't even worry about exercising right now -- I'm serious. You will lose weight just watching what you eat at your weight and activity level! I started off not exercising at ALL and losing weight just fine, and there's no way in the world you should be stressing yourself out over working out at this point (IMveryHO).

3) I agree with Learn that when you get the girls to daycare, definitely use that time for YOU, but also make sure you are going to the grocery store and doing some meal prep. You can set it up so that healthy meals are much easier, and also yummy, with a little planning. I know it seems overwhelming, but one thing at a time!

4) I also agree with Learn that that man of yours needs to learn to drive for criminy sake! Good gracious, that's the stupidest thing I ever heard that with all the kids, your work, the dogs, and yourself to care for, you need to be chauffering around some dude who is capable of driving himself! AND bringing him lunch. No way, seriously!

5)

Edited to add: Getting it on? Don't make me laugh! Learn to drive and fix your own lunch, buddy, then we'll consider getting it on! oh, hahahahaha
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Old 01-30-2011, 01:12 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shannonmb View Post
Edited to add: Getting it on? Don't make me laugh! Learn to drive and fix your own lunch, buddy, then we'll consider getting it on! oh, hahahahaha
I don't know you Shannon, but I like you.

Great advice here Beautiful, I've got nothing more to add 'cept maybe one of these

Hang in there.
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Old 01-30-2011, 04:20 AM   #13
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Oh my gosh I don't know how you do it and haven't killed him yet either. Don't feel bad about fixing him a sandwich he's lucky it is not baby food after all of that.
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Old 01-30-2011, 08:23 AM   #14
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Shannon said it really well with 'survival mode'. I would add that you're in a situation where you're taking care of everyone but you! Lots of women have this happen!

I agree that not worrying about "exercise" right now is the way to go. After all, moving and being "functionally fit" are goals we're after. Isn't housecleaning exercise sometimes?

So you need to carve out a little time for you and start figuring out how to get in healthier food and watch portions. It will feel like it takes work at first, but after a while it gets automated and easier!

So, take a second and breathe and make a plan for YOU!
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Old 01-30-2011, 09:20 PM   #15
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Thank you all!! I am shocked that I haven't killed him yet either. He tries. Well kinda. He does bring home the money. I sat and talked to him a bit last night since yesterday was suck a bad day. I almost made the decision to re-home one of our dogs. I told him that I need more help or one day he is not going to see him in the parking lot to pick him up. He said that he will help more. So we shall see.
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