Million-to be fair, don't we change when we take the weight off? We are more outgoing, tend to carry less jealousy/anger in our hearts, interact with people differently. Maybe you are treated differently because you act differently.
Just a thought
Excellent point!
Million...if you believe that it is the weight and weight alone..then you are doing the only thing that you have any power over. You are losing the weight!! You cannot change how people judge or how they act towards you. All that does is add stress to your life and guess what stress does? Impedes weight loss!! Honestly, control what you can (and are! which is fabulous) and let go of what you cannot control.
I want to say a big thank you to everyone on here and for all of their support. I am taking your advice and suggestions to heart.
I realize that rather than let myself get upself and be in a funk all day, I am going to just accept that there will be times when a person may not return my morning salutation, or that they may look distracted when I talk to them, etc. I just have to accept that that is how they are, and I may not be able to change their attitude at this time. I have to accept that certain people may treat me a certain way, and that it may take a while before they start thinking better of me. Who knows? But, I cannot let their actions make me the person who is irritable and upset, because, in their mind, it probably just reiterates whatever judgments that they have.
I am just going to focus on my diet, the things I want to do for myself to improve myself and other aspects of my life. I have to not let outside distractions affect my main goals.
My ex sent me a weird text yesterday about my social networking site. I had something on it that he didn't like and that he was worried about me. In actuality, it was a mistake on the part of the site, and I hadn't changed anything. But, it was a reference to being big. He said he didn't like it. Sigh. Men are so confusing and weird.
I actually got undressed this morning after getting dressed so I could weigh in. I am still hovering at 309lbs and I am ok with that. I know I am not drinking enough water, so I know that that aspect may not be helping my digestion and releasing of excess water, etc. So, I am going to increase my water intake starting today. At least 6-8 glasses.
Thank you all for your continued support. I cannot express how much it helps me every day.
I'm sorry that you are going through this. I am thankful every day that I am able to work from home.
Something in my therapy over the years that has really helped me deal with stupid people is that you can't control other's actions. You can only control your reactions. It has helped me deal with my mother so much better. I can now interact with her like an adult (Most of the time!)!
Good luck!!! Focus on what you can change. Everything else is up to them.
I could have written your post, million. There is a woman at my job that insists on going behind me and "checking" everything before she delivers it, which would be cool except she only does it to me. One day there was a staff meeting that every employee at my job had to be at, except me, to make decisions about some new equipment we were buying for my department that I would be using. when i walked into the meeting i was asked if i could handle answering the phones while everyone else was meeting. Anyway, it does't make sense in this situation that my weight had anything to do with that, but i work with the barbie doll type, and the difference in our body types affects my self esteem to the point that if i hear them laughing in the break room when i walk by i just *know* the are laughing at me.
That's a long winded way of saying I know how you feel, but please don't give up. You know if you keep going you'll feel better some day. But if you give up things will just stay the same. Good luck!
I could have written your post, million. There is a woman at my job that insists on going behind me and "checking" everything before she delivers it, which would be cool except she only does it to me. One day there was a staff meeting that every employee at my job had to be at, except me, to make decisions about some new equipment we were buying for my department that I would be using. when i walked into the meeting i was asked if i could handle answering the phones while everyone else was meeting. Anyway, it does't make sense in this situation that my weight had anything to do with that, but i work with the barbie doll type, and the difference in our body types affects my self esteem to the point that if i hear them laughing in the break room when i walk by i just *know* the are laughing at me.
That's a long winded way of saying I know how you feel, but please don't give up. You know if you keep going you'll feel better some day. But if you give up things will just stay the same. Good luck!
Omg! I got so angry when I read your post. That is just a wrong way to treat a person on so many levels. (((hugs))). You are a good person, and their judgments are reflective more of their issues than anything about you. I am so sorry to hear that you are going through that.
The thing about weight discrimination is that it is so subtle and insidious at times, that you know it is due to weight, but if you tell a regular person all of the examples, because there isn't the overt name calling, it can be interpreted all kinds of ways.
All I can say is just focus on you and do the best you can. Would it be possible to talk to your boss, or is your boss the same as everyone else?
I am just trying to focus on me and getting myself together. It does hurt at times because like other posters, when I do improve I feel like I am being treated as if I am invisible. It is hard at times to feel like you really can't talk to anyone in your office, but, I am just going to try and ignore any of the negativity and focus on me and my health and improving my life.
No, I can't really talk to my boss because, imo, its her attitude that encourages my co-workers' collective attitude, if that makes sense at all.
I think that focusing on yourself is the best thing you can do for yourself right now. I was so caught up in the lonliness of my life. You know, resigning myself to a life of being single and childless, etc. But it was when I started focusing on ME, and gave myself permission to be a tad selfish from time to time that I met my guy. I really feel that when I turned my energy inward, my self esteem lifted and it made me more attractive, even though I hadn't lost any weight at the time.
But it was when I started focusing on ME, and gave myself permission to be a tad selfish from time to time that I met my guy. I really feel that when I turned my energy inward, my self esteem lifted and it made me more attractive, even though I hadn't lost any weight at the time.
This!! True..True...True!! Nothing is more attractive than a confident woman who loves herself enough to put herself first and take the very best care of herself that she can no matter what her size!
So true, so true! I realize that I need to put myself and my goals first, and try and live the kind of life I want.
I also, for the first time yesterday, started thinking seriously that, well, I am still somewhat relatively young (i.e., the docs haven't said yet to consider fertility options, though, to be very honest---I haven't ever really tried to get pregnant? So, who knows? Maybe I could be super fertile after all and be octomom without the fertility treatments? Not that I want 8 kids at once, but, you get the idea), and well, if I don't find someone I can be in a loving and respectful relationship with, then I may just do invitro on my own when I am a little bit older and hopefully have the money available.
Thisyear---your post touches me so. I wish I could just reach out there and give ya a big sisterly hug and a "girl, I so understand what you are saying". The same thing occurs in my situation as well, and since some of the people in power have the same issues with my weight, then, well, I can't really go to them and tell them how they are acting makes me feel. I also realized that they may be acting that way towards me because they have weight issues, and maybe they feel bad about not being able to lose weight, so when they see me eating (and usually overeating, let me be honest about it), it probably stirs up some issues within them.
Let's all just focus on ourselves and be the best that we can be for ourselves and our happiness.
So, I am trying to deal with some feelings about the ex, and they are really trying to convince me to pig out and wallow in trying to comfort myself with food.
I spoke with the ex, and, well, he seems to be grouping me in with a bunch of people in his life who ask him for things and make him feel stressed. I tried to ask him for very little in our relationship so he wouldn't think of me as one of those people, but he does, and it really makes me feel sad. I didn't ask for much, and really put my needs behind his, and yet, he treats me a bit like I am a part of the group of people he wants to get away from. it makes me feel sad because one would think that you would want to find solace in your partner, right? He didn't even want to tell me the address of his new place. That hurts a bit. Ok, it hurts a lot. I told him that I understand, and I do understand that he wants to get away from people that cause him a lot of stress, but I just would have never thought I would be one of those people, especially since I tried to do so much for him in our relationship.
I am really trying to stay focused on my weightloss goals, despite not losing any weight in almost a month (I was 308lbs on 03/26). I am still hovering around 306-308lbs. and am pretty upset and sad about it.
I do admit that I have eaten out a lot more this month, though I stuck to my okay foods----even though I thought those veggie meals were healthy, perhaps I just ate too much or they had more calories than I thought?
I admit that I haven't been the best with my water, and that I have been working a lot of overtime lately. I think that has really messed up my digestion, and I wonder if that is what is affecting my weight stall.
I also admit that there were days when I had certain binge foods like bread and rice. Maybe all of those issues combined are the reason for the lack of weightloss?
I have been fighting some distractions lately---mainly things where I feel like some people are acting in an unnecessary way that just causes stress and irritability and hurt feelings and all of that. It sometimes feels like the people know they are doing something that is hurtful or offensive, but they just don't care. So, I have to try and divert my attention from it....at times, it is pretty hard to do that and I end up feeling upset for the rest of the day. Plus, I am still dealing with the up and down of the whole relationship thing---one day I feel ok, the other day I feel a bit like I didn't do enough in the relationship or didn't do all the right things, and I worry about being alone, and I worry that when my ex has his new girlfriend, then he won't help me like he says he would, etc. I just sometimes feel all alone, and that loneliness is a really significant distraction at times from my desire to lose weight.
From reading your posts, it sounds like you put way too much stock in what other people think. I know it sounds cliche to say "who cares what they think", like something a mom would do when you're little and is not very helpful at all, but try to look at the things you're saying from an outsider's perspective.
Sometime I re-read certain journal entries or blog posts of mine, but from an outsider's perspective, like I'm reading about a complete stranger, and then I ask myself how I would feel about that person.
That tactic helps me change my attitude. I'm not saying you have a BAD/unlikeable attitude, I'm just saying that maybe you allow yourself to be a doormat.
The way people treat you at work may not be something you can change. But you can change the people you associate with outside of work. There's lots of ways to find supportive friends. Like on this forum. Or other places that are probably against the rules for me to post (the whole "competition" thing), but I'm sure you get the idea.
I don't know about your whole situation with your ex, but just from the feelings you've expressed, it doesn't sound like a very healthy relationship to hang onto. Never make someone a priority that only thinks of you as an option.
thank you, i know that you are being caring and supportive. I know it sounds cliche, but it is all really complicated at times. Some of the people that distract me are above me, and I am just dealing with learning not to react to them....even when they do things that are just flat out rude or kind of just, well, not appropriate. Someone helped me to understand that when they act in that way, it is outside of me, and just more of their own character flaws. This helped me to see things better and realize that if they act that way, it is just them, and I can't change them, I can only keep focusing on what I need to do for me, ya know? I think that if I were to say something when certain things did occur, it would just be a bit too heated a situation, so, I am working on just trying to ignore things that don't help me to get to where I want to go in life. I think that is the best approach to take, as I cannot change people who act in a certain way, and probably know that how they act is not a-ok.
As for the ex, that really is kind of complicated. He is not a mean or cruel person, and is the nicest person I have ever dated. I still think that he loves me, just that he is no longer in love with me. I think that because of all of the difficulties he had, our relationship got very unbalanced, and I don't think he feels good about that (which is understandable). I do think I became too focused on trying to make things easier for him (even the dreaded potentially maternally), even if it meant that our relationship wasn't very romance filled or even focused on coupledom. I feel sad about our break-up, but he seems happier where he is now, and a little bit less stressed and taking better care of himself, and, since I care for him a lot, I think that is very important. Right now, I am just dealing with the whole loneliness aspect and fears of being alone and what it means in the bigger picture----feeling afraid, worried that in my old age there will be no one around to help me if I get too feeble or frail, etc.), and having to re-fill a part of my life that included him so much. I need to take this experience and learn from it, and I need to focus on fixing a lot of things within myself. Maybe it will be like they say, and that when I am not focused on love and romance and am instead walking around with my head a little bit more high, the right person for me will come along.
No, I can't really talk to my boss because, imo, its her attitude that encourages my co-workers' collective attitude, if that makes sense at all.
I think that focusing on yourself is the best thing you can do for yourself right now. I was so caught up in the lonliness of my life. You know, resigning myself to a life of being single and childless, etc. But it was when I started focusing on ME, and gave myself permission to be a tad selfish from time to time that I met my guy. I really feel that when I turned my energy inward, my self esteem lifted and it made me more attractive, even though I hadn't lost any weight at the time.
Keep doin what you're doin, and you'll get there!
I really need to keep repeating this to myself. I do think that I need to mentally check out of those situations where people revert to public displays of their issues, i.e., feeling the need to correct someone's grammar mid-speech, etc. When I acknowledge it, it only upsets me and messes with my joy, as they say. I need to just focus on what I need to put more energy into, which is my health, my home, my family and friends.
