So, I am taking deep breaths as I write this because I am feeling sooo......upset and emotional, and in a regular situation, that would lead me to want and go pig out and get something greasy or fatty that I don't need. I am trying to avoid that temptation. Perhaps my laziness also prevents me from wanting to go to the store?
I am upset because my bf said he needed time for himself. I told him I understand. So, while it was hurtful having him not come home for a few nights, I figured he was doing what he needed to do. Since the issue with his family, he has been stressed (he is really worried about a relative who he loves dearly, but tends to be sporadic with contact) and has often said he isn't sure what he wants relationship wise.
So, I have tried to be strong and let him have his space. It is upsetting because he is stressing me out about when he will get a check he is expecting (not from me, but some business thing that I helped him with, and you can check the status online), and yet, though I spent over an hour helping him with it previously, his response is still that he isn't sure when he is coming home. Yeah, I know both issues aren't related, but it is hurtful. I feel like it is just too emotional. I really do feel that he is so wrapped up in his family situation that he doesn't see what I may need in a relationship.
I am so tempted to buy something to eat. But, I am going to avoid it for now.
In the past I have used food for everything. Weather it be depression, anger, stress, etc. And although it hasn't happened in quite some time, I'm not going to say I haven't been tempted. I just keep telling myself that I am more important then the food. It's hard I know, but you need to learn to be alone, not lonely when he's (bf) away from you. In reading your other posts you feel the two of you aren't compatable in many ways. Please stop blaming yourself and start living for you. Remember you are worth it!
Million,
Remember food can not fix your problems, in fact it only makes it worse, you stuff your face with "comfort" food to feel better which only lasts for the moment and then comes the guilt and shame from eating stuff you weren't even hungry for. Take a step back and reflect. I'm curious as to how many times your bf actions send you to binge and want you to smooth your hurt feelings with food. How about excercising instead? Get your blood flowing, get your mind cranking, get your body moving. At least you'll be rewarding yourself and not punishing yourself.
FYI, as I read your post, my seventeen year old Brittany (Yes I two seventeen year old daughters, god knows why I don't drink HAHAHA) was peeking over my shoulder reading your post. Even she thinks your bf's a jerk. Actually her exact words were, "Wow, he's a jerk. She should use this time for herself. I bet if she worked through her issues, she'd realize she deserves much better."
From the mouths of babes.....
When emotionally stressed, it is very normal for humans to make poor eating choices. Everyone, all of us. It can be just as bad to choose not to eat when upset. What's in charge at that time is the part of our brain that is less evolved, that is very emotionally reactive. It's really hard for our logical brain to take over in those situations. That's why it's good to check-in with yourself, take a moment to assess how you're feeling and why.
It's a great thing you did, to come here and write it all down. It helped you see the situation better. Now you can let the more evolved part of your brain drive your thought process and your actions. Think about what your unrealistic expecations are in this situation. Come up with more realistic expectations. Think about what you really need in order to manage this emotional situation for yourself and move on. (You don't want to get stuck in this, do you?) Is that something you can do for yourself? Do you need support from others?
Take some deep breaths. Can you see how strong you really are? Are you feeling centered yet? You really are capable of being strong for yourself. And strong enough to determine when you are genuinely hungry and make a healthy choice to eat, for all the right reasons.
i so doooooo...my hubby is in the military, which means often im left with our 4 kids, and 1 of them i high maintaince, and when she acts up, i find myself, running for the kitchen......its not good, so now i make sure nothing bad comes in the house. If im gonna pig out..ill pig out on raw veggie and hummas....
I have been an emotional eater since childhood. I eat when I'm sad, mad, happy, etc... Basically every emotion comes with an excuse to eat. It's a hard habit to break and I certainly haven't succeeded yet.
And sorry about your situation with your boyfriend, I hope everything works out.
Last edited by JustSharing83; 02-01-2010 at 03:24 PM.
All of your replies made me smile from ear to ear. I did not go and get the food that I shouldn't be eating, and instead, stuck to my regular lunch. I am working on eating only what I bring, and waiting a while to see if I am still hungry. Usually, I am not.
My bf isn't a jerk, but, I do have to admit that it really feels like he isn't able to put a lot of energy into our relationship. I get the feeling that his relative is asking for money or help (usually involving money), and that is why he is so anxious to get the check. Also, I think the fact that I don't agree all the time with what he does to help his relative, is another reason why he is upset at me.
I don't think it is as clear a situation as my bf having energy and time and money, and just choosing not to be with me, as much as it is a situation of him feeling that all of his money is ear marked for some outstanding bill, etc., Rarely anything even for himself, to be honest.
I do get upset because when he doesn't do the normal things he used to (like texting me and calling me beautiful, etc.) then it makes me feel a bit kicked to the curb. The weird thing is that he isn't a mean person, and he wants only the best for me. I just wish that I inspired those same feelings in him. Instead, I think I inspire nagging and so he doesn't really see many of my comments or suggestions in a very favorable light.
I am doing little things like cooking only for myself, and not trying to guess when he will come home and make dinner for us. He has said often that he wants me to focus more on taking care of me, so I will do just that.
I also need to add that the bf thing is stressful, but there is also some really, really, really deep family stuff that has been hurting me for the past few weeks, plus the issue of worrying about not having enough money for gas. All of those things combined was a bit much for me and I seriously had tears out of the blue all weekend. Not good, not good.
Million,
I realize I speak from a very different situation then you are in but I can tell you this...a real man never tries to hurt his woman, a real man understands when she needs him, that's what's important, a real man brings more than he takes, a real man never emotionally strands his love. Look I've been married almost 20 years and though it isn't always peaches and cream, he's never taken so much from me emotionally I was left feeling hollow.
We've never had money so using that as an excuse is a cop-out. You want to know how many vacations we've been on? None How many new cars we've had? None How many times we've had to live off beans and rice? Tons
But you know, he's never put money before me or the kids, ever.
I'm sorry, but you just don't sound like this relationship fills you, on any level. You make more justifications for him then he does time for you.
hi sweetcakes!
You are right that my relationship really needs a lot of help. I don't think my bf has ever tried to hurt me. I am the one who usually says way more hurtful things or raise my voice. He barely raises his voice and is not critical of me. I do think that there are things that I want our relationship to be, and I think that with everything he is going through with his family, he is not able to put alot of energy into a relationship. I do agree that on a lot of levels there are problems we need to work on, that may not be fixable. It is the uncertainty that bothers me, and the fact that he isn't open to discussion. I am thinking that he doesn't want to argue and that is why we haven't been speaking much. I do think that texting as the main form of communication is not a good thing in a relationship.
Million I just wanted to say im sorry your life is so crazy right now. But from reading your posts (others too not just this one) I see that you are a strong person maybe even stronger than you think. Just keep up the good work and you will get to where you want to be one step at a time. <HUGS>
and
Texting as a main form of communication in a relationship is not a good thing. I think people who are doing this are trying to avoid the real topic they need to discuss which is thier relationship or lack of.
Million if you think you really love this guy give him time to work things out and in the mean time live your life and realize YOU DONT NEED A MAN to make you happy or complete or worthy or what ever it is your telling yourself. You can survive on your own. IT took me 10 years to realize it and when I did I left my jerk. THen I met the most wonderful man. We have now been married 7 years and he treats me like a queen. The complete opposite of my last relationship.
YOu deserve happiness and to be treated like a queen. Dont settle for 2nd best because you think thats what you deserve. Be honest with yourself and dont be afraid to take a long hard look at your relationship and decide if its really what you deserve and want. Only you can do that.
If this post hurts you or offends you in any way I appologize ahead of time as that is/was not my intention. I just saw you going through the same thing as me 8 years ago.
Shawna
I have been craving the most unhealthy and heavy foods lately. I think it is due to underlying stress. I am usually stressed about finances, and am waiting for a check from my part-time job that is super duper late, and I am stressed about my relationship. My bf is pulling away more and more and more. He is stressed about his family and his job, so he often doesn't want to talk about it. He seems very, very stressed a lot of the time. When I mentioned valentine's day, he is working and the next day he has to help his family. He said we could do something, but it will probably involve his family.
He keeps telling me to focus on myself and to take care of myself. He also wants to give me money from his tax return.
It is stressful because I would like to know what is going on, you know? If he wants to be alone, then I wish he would tell me. Right now he is saying that he just wants time for himself and that he loves me, and he isn't sure what he wants. I worry about an argument we had in December, and he tells me I need to just let it go. I tend to worry about things more than he does, I think.
So, I have been craving heavy steak filled burritos and sweets. I have been craving excess, I think, and none of these items are really part of my food budget and would put me over my food budget, I think.
I am just trying to relax and journal and see how things go.
Million I dont know how to make things better for you and your BF but please know you are a strong beautiful woman who will get through this. Try not to give into the cravings as you are stronger than them. Journaling is a great thing it can help you get things off your chest so your not so stressed.
Just remember this to shall pass. (my mom always tells me this)
Shawna
Million,
Maybe you should view this as a sign from someone greater than all of us-that this time in your life is for you, your life is now. Burritos and sweets aren't what you are really craving, you're craving a better life for yourself. A life where you reign as queen with someone who appreciates you and RESPECTS you. How is he ever going to find you when you're buried under so much? Embrace your own exsistance, if your bf and you are really meant to be, it'll be. But in the meantime, you need your life back.
I need time = I don't want to be around you now. Plain and simple. Sorry. Been there, done that. I've said it...and have had it said to me. Time to move on.
Who else eats when they are angry?
