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Old 01-29-2010, 07:20 AM   #1
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Default New Member Looking For Support, Hi :)

My name is Alexis and I currently weigh around 380 pounds at 5'7". I'm not positive about that number but I have a brand-new scale coming in the mail any day now. Either way it's kind of unbelievable to me that I've gotten so big. Sometimes I don't feel nearly that huge, sometimes I feel so much larger, you know what I mean? I've finally come to terms with having an eating disorder. I feel these days it's compulsive overeating but really it can swing both ways, I used to purge and fast and was underweight as a teenager.

I told a friend the other day that I don't identify as a "person" as much as a "fat person" and I think that's critical - I don't know if I'll be able to take the weight off and keep it off until I love myself enough to do it. I haven't worked in two years and have even put off school because I feel so bad about the way I look. It affects all areas of my life in a sometimes irrational way. I worry all the time that I'm going to break a chair, or a bone, to the point I worry about going out at all. Sometimes I go days without really going out or talking to anyone. I fractured both ankles in an accident last year. The doctor told me if I wasn't so big I probably would've just sprained them. I've developed sleep apnea and my asthma has also been a big problem lately. It all adds up to excuses not to enjoy life like I deserve, and I'm so sick of it.

I think and know that losing weight won't be the magic key to make everything okay, I'm facing a lot more than just food addiction - but it would be amazing to take the focus off of my body, it would be incredible to fly on a plane, sit in a chair, walk down the street and up a flight of stairs without the constant reminder.

I joined Overeaters Anonymous last year, but wound up leaving for a few months to focus on another 12-step group. I came back tonight and feel I have a better understanding of 12-step and I hope that helps me on my journey. I came here looking for other people who "get it" and can be a support, and hopefully I can do the same for others :)

I know we can do this! I lost over 100 pounds years ago - didn't keep it off - but I know that once I'm on a roll and believe in myself, it's not nearly as hard as I make it for myself.

Best of luck to all of you and I hope to post more in days to come :) I'm not really familiar with the format of forums, so please excuse my awkwardness!
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Old 01-29-2010, 12:58 PM   #2
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Hey there! I can totally relate to your story about worrying about sitting in a chair and what not lol. I do that too. Like if the chair looks to small or I might have a hard time standing up from it I won't sit in it. I'll just stand and some people are like just sit down but it's so simple for a smaller person to say that lol. I constantly worry about where I'll sit lol. I have an anxiety disorder and if I go to a resturaunt or like a bar where it might be difficuilt for me to squeeze through people I'll leave because I start to have anxiety about it. I feel like they are giving me looks if they have to get up and let me in. I'm the heaviest I've ever been. I lost 60 lbs in 2007 but I ended up gaining it back plus a lot more. I am back to the frame of mind where I want to lose and I want to lose big and for forever. My last single best friend got engaged and I'm the last single girl. I'm tired of being alone and I know I will always be alone if I am like this. Plus I want to be cute in the dresses like the other girls. Oh and that's another thing lol, I'm the problem child with that because they ahve to find a dress that comes in regular sizes and plus sizes. I started doing Weight Watchers because I've done everything known to man and WW is what I have had the best success with and really enjoyed because I could still eat the things I like to eat. Other stuff made me feel misreable. But I also got picked to be on a local news anchor's team for a weightloss contest they are having and this is our first week for both being back on ww and the contest. I get a free gym membership so that has really helped having that motivation. When I weighed in I did notice however that I had lost 20 lbs from the last time I weighed lol. So that gave me motivation. I really hope you'll find the program that works for you and have great success. 3FC is a great place to help you stay motivated and find support when you can't find it in your "real" life lol. My Mom's in AA and at the end of there meetings they say the sirenity prayer and then say keep coming back cause it works if you work it, I didn't know if overeater's is the same way but the saying is so true for so many different things. I always think about it often when working my ww program. Anywho I've rambled for a while I think lmao. I hope you have a fantastic day!
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Old 01-29-2010, 03:35 PM   #3
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Welcome, Welcome! Come on over to the weekly thread and let us get to know you.

I look forward from hearing more from our new folks and LURKERS (you know who you are.. I lubs you all)

Hugs,
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Old 01-30-2010, 01:28 AM   #4
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Ditto on the welcome-I am a big supporter of the excercise thread. Please join us on our journey to beat last year's record, it's a great way to be accountable and belong to a greater whole. It works if you work it.
I hope to see you around ALOT and if you need anything, feel free to reach out at any time.
The people here are wonderful, they are each true blessings and will enrich your life and WL journey in ways you could have never imagined.
Take care
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