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Old 09-13-2009, 07:00 PM   #1
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I'm brand new here and really at my wits end with weight loss. I am 40 and 1.2 and have been on a diet since I was 16. I did slim down some after my divorce and had a good time in my ages 27-31.. I have allergies and broke out in hives in 2000 and the doctor put me on prednisone which did not work. I gained 70 pounds in two months from Oct 30 to Christmas and have been a mess ever since. I just can't find my place and have any real success.. My insurance does not pay for weight loss surgery, Im at my all time high of 349 and when I got married I weighed 172. I am double my size and the more I diet the fatter I get. I dont even want to try anymore because its just one more time to fail and feel even worse. Im ashamed for anyone to see me because I look like ****, I dont even go to church for fear my classmates will see me and be horrified. It's just one more place to feel rejection. Im desperate to get this off of me because I am at risk for breast cancer and heart disease/stroke, diabetes and very high risk for blood clots due to bad veins in my right leg.. I know Im hurting myself by not tackling this once and for all but after so many starts and failures it seems like its just lip service now, it just sounds good but Im not holding out hope I will ever suceed if I couldnt do it by now.

I have very bad dark moods and I have done atkins since 2000. Ive lost weight on it and got down to 271 last summer, I hit a stressful situation and by Feb I was 330 and just yo yod my way up this high now.Its my all time highest weight right now and Im just freaked out. How could I let this happen to myself and at times it seems like my body sabotages me itself. I started atkins on 8/30 and had no sugar at all for ten days and gained 7 more pounds. I dont know if its water weight or what but I was so pissed and disgusted I said f it and have cooked pizza, bananna pudding, chili dogs and chocolate cake for my kids this weekend and pigged out. Now that its all over with I just want to kick myself what the **** was I thinking. Im single, forty and miserable, isolated, feeling left behind and cheated. I dont see other people try as hard as I do and I just dont get the results at all. Starrting to wonder if it is my thyroid but if it was why did I do so good last summer.

Actually it was 07 that I lost 30 pounds in the spring to 300 and then another 15 in the summer to 285 and just kept it off somehow and then joined a gym last summer to lose the next 15 lbs but at 510 even that I carried ok and looked and felt attractive. I look like a freaking nightmare now and no one to blame but myself. My family always commented on my overweight too so I have very minimal contact with them. I just dont need anyone making me feel worse than I do. I can't believe I never got remarried after 13 years.. I figured I would be single for maybe 2 and I have really let myself down and missing out on all the good parts of my life. For the life of me I do not know what to do or what more to do.. This is my starting place - down in a pool of tar and sinking but this is how I feel and where I'm at... and going to make a game plan and figure this out somehow..
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Old 09-13-2009, 07:34 PM   #2
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I don't know about the thyroid issues, but perhaps Atkins just wasn't for you. I've never done well with 'all you can eat' programs that tell you not to worry about the calories. I've decided that I have screwed up hunger signals. I've rarely eaten from boredom and/or stress. So, for me, calorie counting works out best. I do still try and keep my protein levels up, but other than that I eat what I want. I find with calorie counting that eventually you start to treat it like a budget. ie. I can have that _____, but do I really want to spend that many calories on it?

Anyway, welcome to the board, and good luck with whatever plan you decide upon. There are two weekly threads, both of which move pretty fast, but it's a great place to get to know people.

Good luck!
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Old 09-13-2009, 08:26 PM   #3
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Hi, I am not a member of this particular forum; I hope it is okay if I post here.

Coming here for support was a big and important step. In my opinion, you have take your weight loss journey one day at a time. I would guess that almost everybody here has tried to lose weight unsuccessfully many times in the past (I certainly have). Because you have lost and regained weight several times, though, does not mean that you should be too afraid to try again. In my view, those previous efforts were not wasted. You learn something about yourself and about the process each time you try. If you are miserable because of your weight, you have the choice to either do something about or not. Just think, if you start now, how glad you will be in six months, in one year, in two years, etc. that you started this journey now and changed your life. It is a gift to yourself and gift to your kids. There are many, many people on this site who have been where you are and have changed their lives. You can do it, too.

One bit of advice: pick a weight loss program (be it calorie counting, weight watchers, etc) that you can live with for the long haul. I personally believe variety is important and have given up in the past when I got too bored with a program or it was too restrictive in terms of what I could and couldn't eat. Find something that works for you and stick with it to the best of your ability.

I wish you every bit of success on your journey.

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Old 09-13-2009, 08:27 PM   #4
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Thank you for your comments and wow you have really done awesome with your goals!! That is very inspiring!! I guess on one hand I know I am a compulsive emotional eater and the low carbs work.. I feel like if I hadn't at least maintained my weight on atkins somewhat that I would be worse off. My uncle just died in November of complications of overweight and when he was my age he was lean and mean.. It seems like he had a sickness and gained a bunch of weight and it just spiraled from there to the point of no return. I think he was higher than 550 and I could easly fall in that pattern... since it kind of happened already. I feel like Im one illness away from losing my control and then a landslide into a horrible place that would be impossible to get back from.. Its always in the back of my mind that someone said once you hit 400 pounds your chances of death are greater than recovering to health, that is the line in the sand and Im 50 pounds from it.

I have a food mover from richard simmons and I think I'm going to get it out and give it a try again. I always seemed to gain weight on that though and switching from no sugar at all to sugar in everything but moderation didn't seem to adjust well for me and my body really packed it on when I reintroduced that eating style back..

Anne what are your suggestions? How have you done so well and is it healthy eating and exercise or do you recommend any suppliments. I was on phentermine last spring but got too expensive because with bcbs its all out of pocket and I didn't lose weight on it anyway.

Do you stick away from white flour and sugar too? I know on the food mover they recomment diet soda and whole grains in the breads.. Has water made a huge difference for you? Im thinking about doing a total 360 and going about this in the opposite way as before because although it works short term for real weight loss it is effortless to gain it all back and more. Do you eat 3 balanced meals a day and work out? Any advise is greatly appreciated and thanks!!
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Old 09-13-2009, 08:42 PM   #5
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Hi Noellema, welcome to the best weight loss forum there is! you're going to love it here!!

i'm sorry to hear you've had it so rough.

I was particularly touched by your story and wanted to give you my 2 pennies worth if i may ?

basicaly what has worked for me, is to follow Paul Mckenna's 4 golden rules,
http://www.diet-trials.co.uk/2006/01...losing-weight/

you can download the podcasts for free, and he addresses alot of questions and answers in the call ins, and you can learn quite alot just by listening to other people and what advice he gives them

you dont have to buy the cds or books or what not. most of the information is pretty straight forward. if you're interested i can provide you with more information

but here's a video link of a woman who explains abit of his rules.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IRz8B...e=channel_page

and here's a link to the podcast.
http://www.mckenna.com/podcasts.aspx?vw=archive

check them out. and see if its something you might like to try. feel free to pm me, or ask as many questions as you like!

we're all here for you, for every step of the way. you CAN do this! and you will !!

i kinda combine paul mckenna's method with the gabriel method. i do tend to cut down processed carbs, and try to eat more fresh salads and veggies with the foods i do like, like rice, or meat. but what really works for me, is to eat VERY SLOWLY , consiously, ie without the tv, and to eat ONLY when i'm geniunely hungry, and to stop eating when i am satisfied, ie when i am no longer hungry, and i SIGH. i literally draw a breath and my body tells me it is satisfied.
it does take practice. but by eating very very slowly, i'm talking about putting your spoon/fork/sandwhich after each bite, and chewing for a minimum of 20-30 seconds. sometimes i even take 1 minute of breaks between bites.

also start walking, its the best exercise. any type of body movement will be great. get yourself a pedometer. and start to see how many steps you do in a day and start to increase them day by day by a hundred or so..

what gets measured, gets done!
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Last edited by Echo : 09-13-2009 at 08:51 PM.
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Old 09-13-2009, 08:52 PM   #6
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Thank you guys so much just finding a place where Im not alone and feel like im washed up and so many people have turned their story around and done really well. I know this is where I'm supposed to be wow this is my lucky day!! PS how do you get the little tracker on here? I saved it in my employment line in the profile details so its ready to copy and paste ~ just don't see where..
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Old 09-13-2009, 08:55 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by Noellem87 View Post
Thank you guys so much just finding a place where Im not alone and feel like im washed up and so many people have turned their story around and done really well. I know this is where I'm supposed to be wow this is my lucky day!! PS how do you get the little tracker on here? I saved it in my employment line in the profile details so its ready to copy and paste ~ just don't see where..
you're welcome you are definately not alone! welcome to the family!!

sorry you cant put your signature until you've been a member for more than 20 days and have 20 posts.
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Old 09-13-2009, 09:07 PM   #8
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Ok that is smart so they know you're serious about being on the board!! Thanks !!
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Old 09-13-2009, 09:21 PM   #9
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Welcome, Noelle!! I agree that you have to find a plan you can stick with. And it can take a bit of work to figure that out. I'm essentially a calorie counter. I like the accountability and the flexibility it gives me. I also try to eat healthier foods than I used to. So I don't eat a lot of sweets, desserts and over time added in more fruits, veggies, whole grains.

I also started exercising regularly and have kept up with it for over 3 1/2 years. That not only helps with weight loss, but keeps my energy up, too.

This whole weight loss thing can be overwhelming. If you are feeling overwhelmed, I recommend picking one or two behaviors to change -- commit to that, and then slowly start adding other ones in.

We're here for you!!
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Old 09-13-2009, 09:28 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by Noellem87 View Post
Anne what are your suggestions? How have you done so well and is it healthy eating and exercise or do you recommend any suppliments. I was on phentermine last spring but got too expensive because with bcbs its all out of pocket and I didn't lose weight on it anyway.

Do you stick away from white flour and sugar too? I know on the food mover they recomment diet soda and whole grains in the breads.. Has water made a huge difference for you? Im thinking about doing a total 360 and going about this in the opposite way as before because although it works short term for real weight loss it is effortless to gain it all back and more. Do you eat 3 balanced meals a day and work out? Any advise is greatly appreciated and thanks!!
Honestly, the only thing that worked for me, was finding a way of eating that I can do forever. Although I don't stay away specifically from white flour and sugar I probably eat them less than I did. I sit down most nights and plan what I'm going to eat the next day, and then I stick to it. It's not that easy, but it's what works for me. I've found ways to cook foods with fewer calories (that I still enjoy eating).

I eat 6 times a day usually, including a snack right before bed. Evening eating was probably my worst time. I'd go to bed hungry, couldn't sleep, and then raid the kitchen for food. Has my weight loss been perfectly consistent - no, but it's what happens in the long run that counts, and I'm still losing weight. I really think that finding a new way of eating is what allows me to be successful. I'm not eating this way until I lose weight, I'm eating this way for the rest of my life.

If Atkins works for you, there's a section here on the board where people can help you with that. My, I love fruit way too much, so it wasn't an option for me. However, think about whatever you choose, and if you'll be happy eating that way for a year, maybe two, maybe three. If you can't see yourself doing that, then it's not the plan for you.

Oh, and no, I don't take any weight loss supplements. I started with exercise, just walking, and still love walking as a big part of my exercise. Last year I started lifting weights, and found that I love doing that. It's important to start slow (don't want to injure yourself) and try and find something you like to do.
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Old 09-13-2009, 10:50 PM   #11
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Hi and welcome!

I love the advice the other ladies have chimed in with. They really do know their stuff. I agree that you may not have found the right plan or lifestyle change for you.

I started June 2008 at 340+ pounds and have kept going with the support and wonderful love and hugs from the people here. Though I do struggle, I do keep on and one of the things I am currently struggling with is EXERCISE. Heather gave me a suggestion the other day to make mini-goals so I can get myself motivated to exercise or at the very least be active every day. Wonderful idea and though I'm still struggling, I'm starting to work on goal oriented progress, but small goals. Things I can manage daily. That seems to be a good idea for someone like me.

I also eat mini-meals and most of my eating personally happens in the afternoons. I am trying to do smaller dinners so I am not so full and I find that is working out for me. My lifestyle is vegetarian/vegan and raw food, which is where I fit into. Diet plans do not fit me personally. I don't strictly count calories as I'm more mellow with things.

I do stay away from certain foods, white flour, refined sugars, etc, obviously I don't eat meat, dairy, or eggs. Carbs seem to be my downfall and I struggle with emotional eating.

Anyhow, welcome!
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Old 09-13-2009, 11:09 PM   #12
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Just trying not to beat myself up because I understand how I got this far out of whack and need to find my bearings and get in a good place and be grounded to start a new chapter in my life. My kids wanted to live with their dad for high school and after an ugly court battle he did get residential custody but I was awarded his visitation which is 4 days a week and I had to pay an ungodly amount in c/s.. needless to say I had my kids all the time but no grocery money lol and so there was no way I could support two households at the drop of a dime with no warning so I moved in with my mom. It was an awful experience and I felt cheated and homeless and beyond angry because I did nothing wrong and here I was with the rug pulled out from under me again. I saved and claimed single 0+ on my w9 so I had a huge tax return coming so on new years eve 08 I moved into my house and life was restored just as quick as it was gone from me...
I have been nesting... because everything was taken away from me and so this year I have shopped like a madwoman, cooked crazy for my kids and just went hog wild living it up and claiming my life back. My best friend says it was a reaffirmation of life.. I say I was a lunatic and let myself gain 50 pounds in 09. It not the same as it was before, they dont spend the night very often and are so busy that even on my days there is something going on at school or they are working night time jobs. I miss my kids so much and so Im feeling the empty nest situation very much plus the blues of being totally huge and isolated and not pretty anymore.. Im happy to be at a stand still now and find a place to vent and get it all out and surrounded by peers who have the same goal as me, health and happiness and a long life.

I would be so mad to be down in the ground from a heart attack while all these creeps are up here having a good time at my expense. Thats why I have to get myself under control because I dont think I had this one coming and what I do about it is the issue now.

So Im going to get out my foodmover and go for it. I am happy I did atkins for so long but I am too old for yo yo dieting and I need to do this the healthy way now. Something I can stick with for the rest of my life and not just until I get to x..

I love to walk and the fresh air is intoxicating anyway and leaves that feeling of all is right. Nothing like that tingley muscle feeling and bursts of energy to go. Im going to give this an honest effort and go for it!
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Old 09-13-2009, 11:14 PM   #13
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Thank you all for your posts!! I'm reading everything and appreciate your good cheer and advice & happy to know I will fit in here!! Lots of people have been where I am right now and good to know you all made it out of this place!!
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Old 09-14-2009, 03:25 AM   #14
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Noelle, people out in the world, as well as family, can be very judgmental, and life can definitely be cruel and unfair. I'm just in the process of getting divorced and my life was also snatched from my fingers. I'm just trying to keep it together for my sons, who I am most fortunate to have custody of, and there's no danger of them going back to their father.

I started out at the same weight as you, and through a series of unfortunate health events ended up weighing 353 lb. I'm 48 now and I NEED to get my act together with regards to my health because I need to be there for my sons and my aging parents now. I can't go to work because of a combination of my current health and my family's needs, so I'm working at improving my health plus going back to school.

In the last two years I've been on a road to better health. I can't afford not to stay on track. I've dieted all my adult life, and all that served was a constant hemorrhage of cash to a diet industry that benefits from keeping us all feeling insecure about our self-image. Plus I gained more and more weight.

The turning point for me was when I decided to accept myself for who I was, for how I enjoyed to live life, and then made my lifestyle fit me. I stopped keeping refined carbohydrates in the house. I slowly got rid of as much processed food as possible. I don't drink soda. I gave up alcohol altogether for a very long time. I drink only water or herbal teas, plus an occasional coffee. I stopped using butter and most dairy (except yogurt and a little cheese). I cut back on salt as much as possible. I stopped going to fast food restaurants, and more recently, decided to not go out more than once a month. And I started counting calories. Doing all of that, plus exercise three times a week got me to lose nearly 40 lbs.

I have had health issues continue to crop up. Most recently, I was frustrated that I had basically been on a plateau for over a year, so I took a drastic step and went on Medifast. I was on it for three weeks and didn't lose an ounce, but I felt worse and worse, extreme lethargy, body aches. I eventually discovered it was a soy allergy (Medifast is made with soy protein). I'm in the process of eliminating soy from my diet now, and I'm losing weight again (still really slowly).

I have tried and not found success so many times, but I've learned something with every step. That's why I don't consider it a failure. Every day I tell myself that I'm getting closer to my true goal, optimum health.

Having a multi-faceted support system is key. Coming here is great. Having a trainer or friends that you can exercise with is also great. Establishing a form of personal accountability helps. I write a blog, and I am as honest as I can stand. I write about every bad choice, every time I throw out a pair of jeans that are too big, every day I just don't feel like doing anything, and I publish exactly how much I weigh. I'm not embarrassed by it. I weigh 305 lbs, but I am a fun-loving, hard-working, generous, loving, strong, opinionated, know-it-all woman. And I don't let how much I weigh define or limit what I can do.

We're here to live life! I'm so glad you're joining our party!
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Old 09-14-2009, 11:20 PM   #15
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Georgia your message is really uplifting and honest. Im really happy to be here and had a great day today. Used my food mover and went through all the boxes except water- forgot to load up on water for work today so tomorrow I will do better. It's nice to be in a group where we all have a common goal and support each other. I'm so happy to find this place!!
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