At one point in my life I lived in Indonesia, where I truly believe I was the biggest woman in the country. I know that's how I felt because the Indonesians not only stare, they point and make comments too. After I first moved there and started experiencing this, I really just wanted to stay at home in my room, under the covers, and cry. But I had my family to care for, so I had to go out.
One day I was with a girlfriend, another American woman, who was tall and slender. I was in one part of the market and she had gone off to another part. As I saw her walking back towards me, I saw Indonesians pointing and staring and talking about her too! You know what? Indonesians also do that to their own people, and they all look the same as each other! It's just what they do.
After that, I realized that I was the one in charge of my experience out in public in Indonesia. Eventually I started thinking of myself as if I were Madonna or some other celebrity. And when I caught people staring at me and pointing, I started to waive back at them. Pretty soon, everyone in the villages around where I lived knew me and waived back. Indonesians are very, very friendly people with a wonderful sense of humor. They're also very intelligent and creative. And they stare and point!
Since moving back to the U.S. I've had to give up my self-assigned celebrity status. Sometimes people stare, sometimes they make rude comments. Sometimes I stare back until the person catches on and then they're embarrassed. That's always fun! Mostly I just think about the mental and emotional depth of people who stare rudely and then I realize that the moment I'm out of their eyesight, they've already forgotten about me. I probably spent far more time/energy worrying about what I looked like.
If you're exercising at the gym, and you're exercising as long as the little body on the treadmill next to you, and you're not a little body, you've burned more calories and done more work than they have. You're actually stronger!
I think it is a very normal way to feel. I don't go to a gym partially for that reason, partially because I can't afford it at the moment. If you believe it is hindering you, it is possible to work out at home. I do a plus-sized pilates dvd that is kind to larger ladies ... I walk, and bike, and do strength training at home as well.
I think though, that if you love the gym, you should just go on with your fabulous self and try to shake off that feeling of embarrassment. Being large doesn't make you unworthy. You have just as much as a right to be there as anyone else. Own that.
I am so glad I read this thread today. My husband and I were going to go to the gym for the first time today. So, we walked in and there were sooooo MANY people in there that I actually had an anxiety attack and had to leave. It was horrible, and I suppose just as embarrasing as it would have been if I had just got on the machine. I told myself I would go Monday, even if it fuller than it was today. The whole thing is that I feel like everyone is staring at me when I am not on some exercise machine, so they really will stare when I am on one. Thanks for all the post guys, and I know I was just being silly =)
1) I don't get skinnier by wearing more clothing. People are not *surprised* at my size in a bathing suit, so what am I hiding?? When I was in high school, I would never want to wear sleeveless shirts or dresses. Even my prom dresses had some kind of sleeve--I made sure of it! Now, I *LOVE* wearing spaghetti-strap tank tops and dresses! Hey, I weigh 300 pounds--people EXPECT me to have big upper arms. How weird would I look if I didn't??
2) People see me sweat all the time, but with WAY less of a good reason than working out at a gym.. especially when I'm shopping!! So seeing me sweat at the gym isn't going to be any worse than seeing me sweat at the mall. In fact.. it's *less* embarassing. I just put my hair in pigtails so it doesn't get stuck to my face, and go for it!
3) Half of those skinny people are just as embarassed as the fat people are. There are many, many, many thin people who are extremely uncomfortable about their bodies. If you are thinking that those skinny people are just at the gym to tone their already sculpted bodies, you are crazy. Some of them are, yes. But many of them are there for the same reason as you: they want to lose weight or get healthier or change their appearance because they are uncomfortable in their own skin. They also feel like everyone is staring at them.
4) I have also found over the years that there are *many* people who are especially attracted to larger people. So being larger than those around you, isn't necessarily a bad thing. In fact, my friends and I started a joke that being fat just made me "exotic" in certain places where there are more skinny people than fat people.... For example, I travel a lot, and in certain cities (especially NYC), I *always* get hit on...multiple times(!!) when I'm visiting. One of my friends who I was visiting even told me about how all the guys he worked with kept asking if I was HIS girl, telling him how LUCKY he was to be with me(!!!) hahahahaha I didn't understand why. Turns out they all thought I was very funny/friendly (well, hey, I AM! ha)... and, well, they were attracted to big white girls. What can I say? Guess I was just born exotic! Also, when I moved to Texas a couple of years ago, this happened again. Not that there is exactly a shortage on fat people in Texas... it's just that I ran into more people (particularly Hispanic men) who were attracted to women with.. "curves" So just because someone at the gym is SMALLER than you, doesn't mean they look any better than you. Some of them are "plain janes" who never get any attention because they fit into the crowd. If being larger means that you get more attention.. then it also means you are going to get more ATTENTION if you know what I mean *LOL*
Oh yeah, there are lots of people attracted to us "exotic" women! When I lived in the Middle East I was hit on by Egyptian and Iranian men, and actually stalked at the supermarket, repeatedly, by a very rich and handsome Kuwaiti man (Oh, he really smelled nice! They have the best perfumes there!). Indian men think I'm hot, and now that I live back in the U.S., lots of African-American men find me attractive. When I go back on the dating circuit, I'm dumping white guys altogether!
I know Im totally going to sound like a wimp here but does anyone else hate going to the gym because they feel people are staring at them the entire time? I love treadmills but at the local gym they are front and center, I cant stand it. I spend more time stressing over who is staring at me than how much I am benefiting from my workout. I know I know I should just get over it, but its not that easy, am I the only one who feels this way?
no, you're not. I sometimes still feel that way. But you gotta think of it like this, most ppl are there to focus on themselves, not the ppl around them. they are there to better THEMselves, not worry what's going on around them. I know I don't focus on anyone but myself there. Good Luck. The gym is really a great place to get fit.
You are all so amazing! Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to my post I am glad I posted it! I will read it often when I feel like bailing on the gym because of embarrassment! Thanks again!
I use to be 350 pounds, unfortunately ( or fortunately at the time) I am also 5'9 so not only was I bigger I towered over a lot of women too. I was way self conscious and refused to go to a public gym. I am 200 pounds now, big but not the biggest at the gym and I realized no one was paying any attention to me or the other bigger people. They got their own hang ups they are focusing on. There are going to be some jerks but more often than not, most people are oblivious as they are in their own world. I wish I had your attitude towards it, I am still fighting it! You can lose the weight I realized but inside you still need to "fix" things too and often thats where the bigger problem is!
I use to be 350 pounds, unfortunately ( or fortunately at the time) I am also 5'9 so not only was I bigger I towered over a lot of women too. I was way self conscious and refused to go to a public gym. I am 200 pounds now, big but not the biggest at the gym and I realized no one was paying any attention to me or the other bigger people. They got their own hang ups they are focusing on. There are going to be some jerks but more often than not, most people are oblivious as they are in their own world. I wish I had your attitude towards it, I am still fighting it! You can lose the weight I realized but inside you still need to "fix" things too and often thats where the bigger problem is!
Congratulations on your weight loss!!! that is fantastic thank you so much for your post
WOW! Thank you for posting this! I have NEVER went to a gym before...because I was scared. When I work out I tend to do it in secret like it's a bad thing. I'm scared if I tell ppl that I'm trying to lose weight and I fail, that they will think less of me. I also think it would be easier to go with a fellow fat chick as a work out buddy.
WOW! Thank you for posting this! I have NEVER went to a gym before...because I was scared. When I work out I tend to do it in secret like it's a bad thing. I'm scared if I tell ppl that I'm trying to lose weight and I fail, that they will think less of me. I also think it would be easier to go with a fellow fat chick as a work out buddy.
I feel the same way. I never used to tell anyone when I would diet for that same reason! I love this forum its so therapeutic for me! Sometimes all we need is to know we are not alone even though we may feel that way
I hope everyone had a wonderful Monday and has an even better Tuesday!
After reading some of these posts, I believe I've found the right gym for me. I was embarrassed too, until I actually went. Even at it's busiest, I've seen maybe 10-15 people total working out. All of the cardio machines are located in the very back with the offices/sales/reception area up front. The windows are blocked out so those punk teenagers can't point and laugh as they're walking by outside. I believe my biggest fear was a communal shower with people running in terror as I bathed myself but thankfully they're individual stalls with shower curtains (and a free shampoo dispenser!).
Despite all that though, I've noticed that no one concentrates on other people. Weightlifters can only see the ceiling, cardio folks are zoned out to their ipods or the tv on the machine. Step/yoga folks are locked in their own little room.
Besides, if you're like me, once you get on that devil machine called the Elliptical, you'll be too busy not dying to notice anything else. Just like everyone else there.
It's true! The elliptical was designed by some sadist. I could walk for hours on the treadmill at a near run, but can only manage 7-10 miin on the devil machine before fearing I'd drop dead.
I am so glad I read this thread today. My husband and I were going to go to the gym for the first time today. So, we walked in and there were sooooo MANY people in there that I actually had an anxiety attack and had to leave.
I once had a panic attack at the gym. I was ten minutes into my workout and I just could not shake the feeling that everyone there was staring at me. The room felt like it was shrinking and eventually I just left and drove to my sister's house and finished working out on the treadmill in her garage, feeling idiotic the entire time.
I do a lot better if I have someone to work out with (usually my sister, who is thin, but at least I know her, you know?), but I still feel really uncomfortable at the gym sometimes. So know that you are not alone, and it wasn't silly to panic at a new, overwhelming situation. The important thing is that you are willing to try again.
... I walk, and bike, and do strength training at home as well. 
Also, when I moved to Texas a couple of years ago, this happened again. Not that there is exactly a shortage on fat people in Texas... it's just that I ran into more people (particularly Hispanic men) who were attracted to women with.. "curves" 
I feel the same way. I never used to tell anyone when I would diet for that same reason! I love this forum its so therapeutic for me! Sometimes all we need is to know we are not alone even though we may feel that way 
