Happy, Motivated and Frustrated all at once! - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

Joyathrt · 02-24-2009, 08:36 PM

OK, I am happy because I am motivated and on my way to a new me! I have been working out now since Sunday b/c like I said, I couldn't bc of Dr's orders, and it just feel so much more content and peaceful after my workout and going on a walk. I am FRUSTRATED b/c of my fiancee..... He is suppose to be on a diet also with me, but he is not taking it seriously. He is bigger than me, and we both say that we are determined to lose weight before the wedding. I have yet to see him put any effort towards weightloss or exercise. Like tonight, I asked him to go walking with me and the dog, and he said it was too cold. Yeah right, he just didnt want to go. I just dont know how to make him see that I am worried about him and his weight and that I want him to get healthy with me. We want to have a family, but in order to do that we need to be healthy and lose weight. Ugh.... I just dont know how to handle this. Am I over reacting??

Ratkitten · 02-24-2009, 08:48 PM

Hiya Joy,

Congratz on your working out! I'm slowly getting back into the swing of exercise. My winter funk is lifting.

Your fiancee may be reacting because of his own issues and doing the opposite of dieting - what sort of influence does/did his mother have in his life regarding weight issues? He might not be reacting to you, but to old tapes.

Hugs,
Ratkity

sweetcakes736 · 02-24-2009, 09:40 PM

This may sound really corny but the best thing you can do is lead by example. Sometimes it's hard to make changes, even if it hurts, we'll hang on to what is comfortable, even if it's destructive. But if you are consisent and keep going, eventually he'll get on board. Know it may take 6 months, it may take a year. Don't get angry, don't lay blame. But don't give in either, don't stop rewarding yourself by getting your life on track, by giving yourself a new beginning. If you are together for the next 50 years, the time this will take will be a blip on the radar of your life together.

flatiron · 02-24-2009, 09:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Joyathrt

Ugh.... I just dont know how to handle this. Am I over reacting??

Tell him that after you all get married you are going to take a $500,000.00 Life Insurance policy out on him! LOL! I bet he gets the message then!

worthapenny · 02-25-2009, 09:45 AM

flatiron- hahahahahahahaha that is so good! I never would have thought of the life insurance policy. Might work Joyathrt. Except I think my hubby would say, "Good, at least I know you will be taken care of." And that would not really be what I want to hear. Then he would say, "how are you going to pay the monthly premium for that."

Rat-I do agree, it could be deeper issues. My hubby fights with depression from childhood experiences. So weight issues are a very sensitive subject with him.

I think (here I go again), that it is all psychological. We have to convince our brain that we need to do this so it can keep our body going. We know what is the right way to live, it just is hard at times. So first and foremost, we have to do this for ourselves. We want to do it for our (spouse or sign. other), but we have to do it for us first. We have to become a better woman for us and then hopefully they will see it and we can make them feel like a better man.

So joyathrt, I know how frustrating it feels doing it alone, but we are here for you! And do it for YOU and how you feel and how you want to look so beautiful in that wedding dress! He will see it and come around. Hugs! Penny

Heather · 02-25-2009, 05:59 PM

Hey, wtg on the exercise! Please join us on the exercise thread -- we keep track of the minutes we exercise and are trying to break our 2007 record of 205,000 minutes -- we could use YOUR help.

As for your fiancee -- when I started my journey, my husband (who was also morbidly obese -- at first did NOT want to join me. I said fine, I would do it on my own. After he saw how successful I was (and how easy I was making it look) he wanted to give it a try. The first time I think he lasted 2 days before he decided it was "too hard."

I let it go, and about a month later, he said he wanted to try again. Since then, he's lost over 50 pounds (well, he lost 70, but 20 have come back).

What's my point? Well, I guess one point is that we can't bring other people with us. They have to both want it and be ready to do things about it. To be honest, it's been hard sometimes when we're in different places -- for example, sometimes I want to eat well, and he doesn't. I want to help do things for him, but he has to want it, and like most of us, his motivation ebbs and flows...

Just hang in there and let him watch your success, then see what happens! Good luck!

Joyathrt · 02-25-2009, 06:48 PM

Aww...Thanks you guys! Yeah, he does have some issues with depression and he is seeing a psychiatrist. I told him that I was just going to keep doing it and would pray that he join me when he is ready to. I do like the life insurance idea...lol that was funny. I'm just really going to try and not let it get to me. I have gone back on cymbalta for depression/anxiety and hopefully when that starts kicking in I wont be so annoyed and frustrated with this.

On a brighter note, I am pretty darn proud of myself right now! I had the worst day at work with patients going into the hosp. and nurses not doing what they were supposed to do. I wasnt able to take a lunch break, but managed to make time to eat lunch in between phone calls and issues. Anyway, my point is.... I was do darn tired and exhausted and all I wanted to do was come home and get in the bed. But I know that if I did that I would never get back up and go walking.. So instead of even sitting down, the dog child and I took off on our walk. And now I feel so much better and refreshed!

Gotta go for now! Hope everyone had a wonderful day!