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Old 12-30-2008, 11:02 AM   #31
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Whether you're talking about losing weight, or even alcoholic behavior, I can respect an "I can't be with you, if...", but especially in a live-in situation, an "I'll marry you if..." to me means "you're good enough to sleep with, but not good enough to marry."

I can even understand a man or a woman having to decide that the relationship needs to end, because conditions are being put on marrying that constantly postpone the wedding.

I postponed a lot of my life trying to lose weight first. I would so often say to myself, "I'll date (and do thousands of other things) when I lose all of the weight." I knew I could find nice guys who liked me the way I was, but I didn't want to face the possibility of dating men who preferred me fat, or would might want to marry me before I lost the weight. I also didn't do a lot of things because "I'd look stupid doing them fat."

I spent 30 years trying to lose weight so my life could start, and I finally realized that if I couldn't get all of the weight off, I could spend another 40 years waiting (if I wasn't lucky and happened to die before that happened).

So, I decided to start doing everthing I could that I had placed on the list of things I would do "when I lost all the weight." And that included meeting and marrying my husband.

Could I have had a "better" life if I had been able to lose the weight and keep it off at 16? Probably. Although I also could have had a better life if I had decided at age 10 (or even 5) not to let my weight prevent me from doing anything I wanted to do.

Although, I am finding it easier to lose weight (it's still crazy difficult) while not letting the weight stop me from doing anything the weight itself doesn't stop me from doing (I can't run up a flight of stairs, but I can wear a swim suit and get into the water, even though I look ridiculous).

When you've put 99% of your life on hold, it's hard to give up your few pleasures (eating, for example), because then you've got "nothing" left. It's hard to live on nothing, and no one should have to.
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Last edited by kaplods : 12-30-2008 at 11:04 AM.
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Old 12-30-2008, 05:25 PM   #32
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Red face Begging forgiveness.

Having reread, both my original response and the following ones, I'm feeling rather ashamed of myself. The fact is, now that I've calmed down, I do want to say that I do, personally, know a number of alcoholics. Not just the terrible man I married, and his father, but my best friend of 40 years, her brother and the father of another friend's child. Of those, only my ex was a loser who wouldn't work. So I do apologise for the characterization - talking about an alcoholic spouse just hit a bit too close to home I'm afraid. But, I've had to watch my friend's mother deal with all the destruction of her children's lives, DWI's, nights in jail, losing the people who loved them, but couldn't stand to be with them. I've seen such terrible personality changes they don't even seem like the same person drinking vs. sober. I've bailed my friend out of jail and lived with her when she was at her most self-destructive. I thank God both she and her brother are now sober and pray she and he stay that way. And even my other friend's ex - I know him to be a hard-working decent guy for the most part, but remembering her daughter talking about how she didn't have dinner on his weekends because "Dad fell asleep on the couch and wouldn't wake up", still tears me up. My experiences make me very opinionated on the subject and I do apologise if anyone thought I was belittling other forms of addiction. They are all destructive.

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Originally Posted by kaplods View Post
When you've put 99% of your life on hold, it's hard to give up your few pleasures (eating, for example), because then you've got "nothing" left. It's hard to live on nothing, and no one should have to.
Very true. No one should put their lives on hold! Live for every moment and do your best to enjoy them. Hopefully while getting healthier and happier!
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