Hi,
I'm feeling so lonely right now. I miss my son. He's my only kid. I wonder if I'll ever see him again, and so I ate. I had cheeseits, ice cream, spaghetti for dinner and I just want to keep eating. I did 30 minutes of exercise but what for, if I'm just going to eat everything in sight. O yeah the Cheeseits were low fat, the ice cream WW, but if I eat it in excess, how is that helping?
I don't know what to do. My husband works nights, so I sit here alone and wonder what my son is doing. I think it has all finally hit me like a rock to the head. I can't seem to quit crying tonight. I've read some of his poems he wrote, and the only reason I have those is because he forgot them in their haste to move out.
I don't understand how a person who supposedly loves my son, could not want him to have his family in his life, but instead uses emotional blackmail to keep him from us.
I'm sorry for talking about this here, but I can't go to my Mom because it just makes her feel worse.....so I come here and hope you don't mind.
I WILL get past this, but between the yo-yoing on the weight, and the food intake of tonight, I'm just at my wits end. I'm sure hormones have alot to do with it too cuz it seems like I get this way once a month after TOM leaves.
I try and give encouragement to others, but can't seem to do it for myself. How sad is that?
O well, I think I will just go take a shower and then go to bed so I don't have to think anymore.
Debbie
Debbie-I miss my boys too. Eventhough they were just foster sons, I was the one who held them when they had nightmares, and played catch in the yard, and helped them with their home work. I knew coming to Canada that I would probably never see them again. I'll probably never seen any of my family again. When you give someone a life, you have to expect that they will live it the way that they want to. People want control. That's actually how I ended up with the oldest boy. His mom got sick, and his dad had married a woman that couldn't have kids. She wouldn't let him have anything to do with his son. He didn't get to see him until he was 7 years old. By then the relationship was forever stunted. Your DIL cares more about winning than she does about your son. That doesn't mean that she doesn't love him in the best way she is capable of, it just means that she isn't whole. You have to stay strong for the day that you may need to pick up the pieces. Eating yourself to death will just be a bigger win for your DIL, reinforce her bad behavior, and mean more pain for your son when he does come to his senses.
Hi again, we were offline AGAIN!!! Only just checked & found out we were 'ON' again, first place I came was here!
Annie, so glad you're not leaving us, lol! I felt the same when I did well & others were struggling, but it doesn't rub our noses in it, it INSPIRES us!! Glad everything is going well, post op, if something doesn't click for me soon it's something I'll have to consider.xxxxxx
Bebbie, so sorry about your son, I think I remember before you had problems with his wife/gf. Maybe when/if they have kids she'll realise what she's done, or she'll grow up sometime soon. I hope things get better for you soon, I've had SO MANY awful problems with my son, his gf is WAY TOO GOOD for him though, but I understand how this sort of emotional pain can cause over-eating (& drinking in my case!)xxxxxx
Thanks for the welcome backs, I HOPE that I can get back on track very soon, I broke a bone in my foot & had to go off liquids, wasn't allowed to exercise or move much for four weeks so I've gained quite a bit back. ( drinking a bottle of wine or beer each night to 'help me sleep' didn't help much either!!lol) Coming here WILL help me be accountable AND I've missed the support only people here, who are in the same boat, can offer.
Ammi, I WILL be on mSN tonight, unless we lose the internet AGAIN!!.xxxxx
xxxxsharon
hi again everyone.....
debbie i hope everything works out. i believe children do eventually go back to what they learned from their parents. i had trouble with my daughter and she eventually realised what she was doing....i hope the same for you and i can truely relate to the eating.....
thanks to all who welcomed me back. i truely came back in time. i had a gynecologist appt today (1st time with her) and let me tell you she grilled me about the weight and i understand that is her job but she kept the distasteful look on her face the whole time and when we went in her office to discuss the lump in my breast (the reason i went) she wanted to discuss my need for gastric bypass or lap band. oh well....the thing that surprises me is that it doesn't even bother me that much because it seems like it is my normal life. i hear people talking all the time. that is why i am determined to stick with all of you and lose weight. thanks for the support. rene
Debbie, I'm sorry you are feeling lonely and sad about your son. I hope he eventually comes to his senses. In the meantime, please don't hurt yourself by overeating. It will only make the pain worse for everyone.
Hugs
Debbie, I'm so sorry you're feeling down. I can almost guarantee he's thought about you as well and is missing you too. These things just take time for hurt feelings to subside and for pride and stubborness to take a back seat to the love that is of course there. I have only one child as well and can imagine how devastated you feel about it sometimes. Hang in there. As soon as you feel you can reach out and live with whatever reaction you get either way, I might try to do so. Life is too short. I'm thinking of you...
Ammi - I'm so glad you decided to take some pressure off yourself. Eating 'normally' after all is the ultimate goal! At some point we have to stop dieting. In intuitive eating one of the things I enjoy the most is roaming my mind to figure out exactly what I'd like at any given meal. When you consistently give yourself what you want and need there is very little temptation to overeat. Leaving a meal feeling light and satisfied is so much more enjoyable than leaving one feeling heavy and guilty. I'd encourage you to give yourself exactly what you want every meal...I think you might be pleasantly surprised at how much healthy stuff you'll still eat with all external controls removed.
Thanks for peeking at my skates LitChick! (and you for trying Nancy) Two days until I try them out, and I'm insanely excited. Thanks for the nice comments many of you made about this endeavour.
Meta-I decided that maybe you are right, and I'm going to try to loosen the reins a bit while I'm under so much stress. The last time I did that, I gained about 50 pounds, so we'll see.
I'm in total "get ready for travel" mode. When you've had a head injury that affects your memory, you can get nuts about worrying that you've forgotten something. I have to have lists and lists and lists of things to do so that I can relax that I'm not forgetting something. You'd think I was going on an arctic expedition instead of to Toronto for a week. I am terrified to the point of practically being paralyzed. I finished my pants suit that I need for Toronto, and bought new underwear for the first time in Canada. I went from a size 13 in Hanes to a 3X in Pennington's. Now if they fit, I will be happy. She said I could bring them back if they didn't fit. How weird is that? Guess there's no health laws against that above the border. I'm off to do some ironing. I iron after I get there, so I'm not sure why, but I just feel the need to only pack things that are well starched.
God Help me I bought travel chop sticks. I hope he doesn't find out how much I paid for them. They are stainless steel, and the pointy part is recycled Japanese baseball bats. I use chop sticks because it forces me to eat slower, and I can't scoop up the extra sauce at the bottom, but was getting bothered by the throw away sticks that I was getting. Now I'm worried that they will be confiscated at the airport check in. They could be used as a weapon, but then so could a sharpened pencil. Does anyone know if I can carry them on? Oh God, I need a tranquilizer. The funny part is that I get to go for free to all these things as my husband's medical escort. He has a mental illness, so they want someone to make sure he takes his medicine, and doesn't get lost. I joke that carrying the rhino trank gun to shoot him with if he gets out of hand is my job. In truth, he handles the travel better than I do. My main job is actually making sure he has a clean shirt and tie to wear when we get there.
Not much to report here. I'm doing reasonably well staying on plan, but have been really busy and struggling to fit exercise in. I'm managing to meet my minimum requirements, which is fine, really. The scale is staying the same, but my body just shrank a tiny bit more. I couldn't figure out why I was tripping over my pants, until I realized that they were sitting low on my hips.
Voodoo, I hope your internet connection improves.
Endthereign, won't it be nice the next time you go to the doctors and show them a loss!
Meta, enjoy your new skates. I used to love all kinds of skating, but ended it all when I smashed my elbow into a hundred pieces rollerblading. Two surgeries later I can't get up the nerve to skate or ski. May I suggest adding elbow guards to your list of safety equipment.
Catherine, the way I see it, there are only a few items that are important to remember on a trip, such as medication. Unless you're going to the remote wilderness, there are always stores to purchase forgotten items. Not that you want to buy something you may already have at home, but it won't be a crisis if you forget a toothbrush, for example.
Just able to post a little something. My son has been driving me nuts with his homework. He is just not trying to do his work. It appears that he is under the impression that me and my boyfriend are here to give him the answers and well, that ain't happening.
Anyway, my fill didn't take that I had earlier in the month and I am upset about that, but there is nothing that I can do about it until I go to see my WLSurgeon to discuss it. That won't be until October 16th.
Also, I got the results back from my doctor and my TSH is really low (no shock there), however now that it has been about 18 months of the fluctuations going on, they have finally decided that I need to be seen to figure out what to do about it, if anything. So, I have an appointment tomorrow afternoon to see someone about it. I am really beginning to hate my doctor and am ready to find another one because it has taken so darned long for him to decide that something other than changing my meds every other month needs to be done. Yes, I have asked to see a specialist and he also dropped the ball on the whole thing as well.
I hope you all are doing far better than I appear to be doing and if not, as always, you are in my prayers.
I don't have time for personals tonight, just a quick update. I went to see my doctor today and he's kind of surprised that I'm doing so well. My scar is looking okay and healing very nicely in some areas and not so nicely in others--but he's really pleased. I had one drain removed and an appointment on Monday to possibly have another one removed. The doctor was really happy and possibly removing 2 drains after only 2 weeks surprised him. I say after only 2 weeks because I have so much more weight to lose so I guess he expected it to take me a lot longer to heal. So I'm really happy. Except for this freaking binder----this thing is so freaking itcy I think I'm going to go nuts sometimes. Luckily I told the doctor of my situation and he told me I could wear a plain cotton t-shirt underneath it. I couldn't believe it was such and easy answer.
I also have an NSV. The other day, my BF and I were at the marina and we had my little dachshie Simone with us. I was walking her and we had to get back in the clubhouse to go down to the boat but Simi was doing what little hounds like to do--that is SNIFF everything. I said, "Come on Sweetie." And there were 2 men who were walking in from the parking lot and one of them said, "I'm coming." He paused for a second, saw my dog and said, "Oh...she's not talking to me." I don't normally have strange men flirt with me or try to talk to me so this was kind of major for me. Now...if I could have just made some kind of snappy comeback that would have been perfect.
I've restarted my diet as of today. I was going to wait until I had the doctors okay to start the diet and exercise program at the same time, but the "Fraud or Failure" thread actually made me re-evaluate that thought. So today was day 1 and I did good. Yes--I'm going to do low-carb again. I just don't feel as good following any other diet and I can't seem to lose weight on any other diet so today was day 1 and I did good. I can't do any exercises as of yet, but eventually I'll be able to re-start an exercise plan and I cannot wait. I am chomping at the bit to get going again. I guess I found my motivation, eh?
Well I have to go. You all have a great night and day and I'll try to come by and see you all tomorrow.
Debbie: Hugs. so sorry that you are having a sad day.
Patti: Great job skipping the hamburger! Small steps will all add up to where they are helpful in the end.
Heather: Glad that we can call you Heather!
Litchick: Great job passing up the cake.
Sharon: Hope your ISP stops being a pain in the butt. How is your foot now?
Catherine: Hugs about your being afraid for your trip. I would suggest putting the chop sticks in something that isn't a carry on just in case. I'd hate for you to loose them! Hope the undies fit well.
Battle: LOL. Don't trip on your pants.
Storey: Sorry that your fill didn't go well. Hope you have good luck at the Dr. tomorrow. Hugs.
Well, I went for my 3 week post op visit. Everything is good and I got cleared for exercise. I am so happy about that. I think I may go to the pool right now. I have a free 10 day pass at OZ Fitness. My weight is down to 362. I am very happy about that too. Everything was good with the Dr. He said I am doing wonderful and to exercise like crazy now. lol.
Letsee if I can get everyone and not forget anybody!
EndTR, welcome back home! Most doctors are totally clueless. Geesh. You went for the lump in your breast, not your weight. I have yet to find a decent doctor who will listen to me and work with me. I'm beginning to think they don't really exist except in fantasy.
Toris, I don't think I'm ready for intuitive eating either. My intuition is to eat oreos.
Annie, way cool about the green light for exercise! Yay! Go girl!
TooFFU, good deal about making a better choice with the subway instead of the cheeseburger. It's the little things that add up.
w00h00 hiya Wy.. er Heather! hehe.
LitChick, w00h00 on NSV about by passing da dreaded cake! It's my downfall too.
Kari, I hope someone can find out what's wrong with you. I hate that state of flux!!! Meanwhile, you just make good eating choices and do what exercise you can.
Debbie, no DH for support and all that stress hit you at once. I'm glad you could tell us about it so we could send you hugs!! My hormones do the *exact* same thing and even those old southern bell telephone commercials could get me crying. Good deal on taking a shower and going to bed. Things are always better after cleaning up and a good sleep. The best thing about feelings is that they are not facts.. they change. This too shall pass.
Poor voodoosharon about your ISP. I'm guessing there's no other choice where you are. Oh no about the foot!!! Take care of yourself. Staying hydrated does not include beer or wine..hehe. I hope your ISP stays up so you can keep in touch with us!
Meta, I got to see those cutie pie skates!! I just copied and pasted the Canadian postal code from the help message. hehe. It looks like they have great ankle support and fuzziness for warmth! Keep us updated on your success skating!
Catherine, I think the chopsticks are fine in checked baggage, but not carry-ons. If I remember correctly, there are stores in Toronto and the other places you are visiting if you forget something.. hehe. The hotels even give complementary stuff too! I don't have a brain injury and I make lists of lists of lists. Then I lose them. I have no excuses!!! You will be fine. Maybe you should give the tranq shot to Himself for you? hehe.
Battle, w00h00 about the pants!!! Time to go SHOPPING!
Story, sorry the fill didn't "take". Does that mean the doc looks for slippage? I hope you get your TSH fixed soon. When it's too low, you are at risk for osteoporosis. Lordy, I hate doctors!!
DolfinVickie, excellent that you are healing better than expected!! Too funny about the flirty guy. If low-carb works for you, go for it. My apron has been bothering me more and more. One day, I too shall have a TT!
Hugs Donna, BigJohn, and all my other lurking peeps!!!
Hi all,
I want to apologize for the melt down last night. Like I said, I think it's the hormones because today I've been doing fine. I know I can get thru this. There are so many women that I have talked to that have gone thru this same thing with their son or daughter. Maybe it's just an extra boost to make us let go and let them live their own lives. to those of you who cheered me up by your posts.
Catherine, I hope that your family will come and see you some day. I hope that your sons, whether they be foster or biological, come to visit you too. You advice to me was taken to heart and your right, there is no need for me to eat myself to death and give her even more power. I've never been a weak person, but as I get older, it just seems to come with the territory, at least in my case. But I DO realize, I'm the only one that can change that kind of behavior, and that's what I plan on doing. So thank you.
I'm so glad you got into "get ready for travel" mode. It sure makes things easier when your ready for them. I think I would keep the metal chop stix in your luggage. That way I don't think there would be a problem. That's great news on the smaller undies!!
Have fun on your trip!
Sharon, welcome back once again...that darn ol internet. Hope it gets straightened out soon for you. Sorry to hear about your foot. As soon as you are able though, I'm sure you will get back into the rhythm of things and get back on track. There's nothing worse than an injury to stop you from making your goals.
Hi Rene, Hopefully your doctor just has your best interest at hand and wants you to take care of your body. I'm sure there was a nicer way she could of done it, but I guess she doesn't have a good bedside manner..LOL. I hope the lump isn't anything too serious too. Take care
Battle, thanx for the hugs, I need 'em! back atcha
I'm all for body shrinkage!! That's great news. And it sounds like you are doing really well. Keep it up!
Meta, I'm really excited to hear how your skating adventure goes. Just take care out there!
Story, sorry about your fill not working for you this time. Nothing worse than losing confidence in your doctor because they don't carry thru with what they say they are going to do or can't make a decision in your meds.
Vicki, ahh the days of being flirted with. Such great memories..LOL. Good for you on getting a drain taken out and starting your diet again. Hopefully you won't have to wear that binder too much longer. Hope you get your other drain out soon.
Annie, I'm just so happy for you! You are doing amazingly well but I think we all knew you would with the determination you showed before your operation. You'll blow past me in no time and I'll be rootin' you on the whole time. I just love success stories.
I stayed OP very well today and even got in 50 minutes of exercise. So I'm feeling much better. Hopefully I'll see a change on the scale come Monday.
have a good night,
Debbie
--this thing is so freaking itcy I think I'm going to go nuts sometimes. Luckily I told the doctor of my situation and he told me I could wear a plain cotton t-shirt underneath it. I couldn't believe it was such and easy answer. 
. I said, "Come on Sweetie." And there were 2 men who were walking in from the parking lot and one of them said, "I'm coming." 
I don't normally have strange men flirt with me or try to talk to me so this was kind of major for me. Now...if I could have just made some kind of snappy comeback that would have been perfect. 
to those of you who cheered me up by your posts. 