Sigh. . . I see I'm really gonna have to force myself to do updates here. . . I can't believe how depressed and. . . er. . . hungry
I've been lately. I'm doing a bit of an update in my journal too, and yeesh. . . I binged yesterday. Nothing too horrible actually, but that's seriously so not like me anymore. Sigh. . . I've been so depressed. I'm not using that as an excuse, but more of a warning that I need to be more cautious about my actions in the future.
Hmm. . . as for the new boyfriend, I think I'll call him "Mr. Hawk" while I'm here, LOL! Oh, and BTW, most people call me "E" these days for short.
The long-distance thing has been very hard. . . the plan is that I'm going to move out there with him as soon as humanly possible, but unfortunately he's got to get his living situation figured out first and I've got some things to take care of myself. He's all the way out in Vegas and I'm still here in Wisconsin, so it's a good 2000 miles and downright impossible to sneak off for a casual visit. We've actually known each other over a year and he'd been my best friend throughout most of that time. . . sigh. . . and I was so depressed over the situation I had found myself in with the ex before he and I both decided to break it off. Well, one thing kind of lead to another with Mr. Hawk, and even though neither of us were looking for a relationship, before we realized what was happening we were an item.
He flew me out to meet him last month and I had the time of my life. I spent several days with him before we took off to meet other friends we knew from the internet for some fun out in California. . . then he and I spent my last day out there back in Vegas again for some alone time, and when it was time to go. . . I cried. . . I've never had anyone treat me so wonderfully and I so didn't want to leave him. Curse all the responsibilities I have back home, curse them!!! *shakes fist*
And if we thought we were miserable without each other before. . . well, now we both know exactly what we're missing.
But I'm doing my best to be patient, and in the meantime I'm trying to assert my new-found independence and clean up all the messes the ex left in my life.
I'm afraid I've had a hard time making myself draw lately, but I keep telling myself that once I'm settled I should be able to get back into it again. In the meantime I've been working on my digital coloring and the like, and I think I've made a lot of improvement in the past few months.
Back when I was posting here before, I was somewhat paranoid that my online friends would "find me out" when it came to my weight issues, that they'd discover that I wasn't the "hot chick" I inadvertently made myself out to be. See, I'm a bit of a cartoonist and have a set of my own girly characters. . . one of them represents me, but she gets to have the type of figure I've only been able to dream about having. I can't say that matters to me anymore (thus the name change), but I still want to enjoy a certain amount of privacy and don't see a need for some of them to stumble across this place while searching for my artwork, LOL. Anyway, I wanted to be tied to my regular online name but have it be a little different, you know? But it's been kind of an odd thing. . . of course my real friends are completely understanding about the whole thing. . . um. . . I guess I haven't had enough real friends in my life, you know?
Well, I should go for now. . . my sleeping schedule's all out of whack and I'm gonna attempt to get some rest. Take care everyone.
P.S. Oh wait, maybe I'll post in the pictures thread before I completely head off!